Obama jokes...

[BurkGlocker]

A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama."

Barack Obama is an old Kenyan word for Jimmy Carter.

Q. What will the difference be between President Obama and Karl Marx?
A. Karl Marx had way more experience.

Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Jimmy didn't want to be the worst President in history.

President Obama will make it a lot easier for most people to do their income taxes next year. No jobs, no income.


Racist Jokes about Obama

1. If you have ever chuckled at his middle name, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.

2. If you ever ridiculed the assertion that tire gauges lower gas prices, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.

3. If you ever laughed at the claim that he campaigned in 57 states, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
4. If you ever suggested that the "Vero Possemus" campaign signs had something to do with possums, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
5. If you ever downloaded the video of him bowling a 37 in front of reporters, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
6. If you ever shared the video comparing him to Paris Hilton, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
7. If you ever cracked wise about his cocaine use, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Dubya's alleged cocaine use is politically correct.)
8. If you ever made fun of his big ears, you may be guilty of Obama jokes. (Joking about Perot's big ears is politically correct.)
9. If you ever said that the look on his wife's face could curdle fresh milk, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Cindy McCain's face is politically correct.)
10. If you ever noted that his pastor acted like he was on Def Comedy Jam, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.​

Rock on!

Brad L.
​

 

[DCortez]

Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Jimmy didn't want to be the worst President in history.

 

[BurkGlocker]

Here's another one...

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.
“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shit?”

 

[TxEMTP69]

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.
“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shit?”

stolen and emailed...

 

[Big country]

Okay I heard this the other night at work,
A man dies and goes to heaven and while standing at the pearly gates he sees a huge wall covered with clocks, he ponders their purpose as they do not appear to be keeping time, they all have names under them. He sees George Washington's with one click and Abe Lincoln's with two and he is looking for his when he finds himself at the front of the line. He asks St. Peter (?) what the deal was with the clocks, and St Peter tells him those are everyone's lie clocks. The man says "I see George Washington's and Abe Lincoln's but where is Obama lie clock?" then t. Peter says "oh Jesus has that one in his office he uses it as a ceiling fan."

 

[dee]

O-One
B-Big
A-Ass
M-Mistake
A-America

 

[dbgun]

Barack Obama is an old Kenyan word for Jimmy Carter.

good one!

 

[charlie-6]

 

[GM.Chief]

Lmfao

 

[popgun]

Obama is going to get the Cy Young award because he threw out the first pitch at the all-star game.

 

[kizmazz]

We have to stop comparing Obama to Hitler. Hitler was able to bring the Olympic Games to Berlin.

 

[BurkGlocker]

We have to stop comparing Obama to Hitler. Hitler was able to bring the Olympic Games to Berlin.

LMFAO! Good one!

 

[kizmazz]

Obama Wins The Heisman!

" It was just announced that Obama was awarded the Heisman Trophy after watching a College Football game"

 

[thorkyl]

Why doesn't Obama pray?
It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.
NEWS FLASH...
Obama announced this morning they are no longer called Illegal Immigrants, they are now to be called Undocumented Democrats.

 

[Bigs Wife]

oh man, this is hilarious. i love it.

 

[MadMo44Mag]

Obama announced this morning they are no longer called Illegal Immigrants, they are now to be called Undocumented Democrats.

Thank is no joke but a fact!!!!

 

[kizmazz]

2010 masters golf championship has been canceled because winner was pre- announced that obama won!

 

[BigShooter11x14]

KFC has done it again!!

KFC just announced an addition to their chicken dinners.

It's called the Obama Cabinet Bucket.
It consists of nothing but left wings and assholes.

 

[thorkyl]

A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather more support for his Health Plan. As Obama goes over his various talking points the cowboy just keeps his arms crossed and shakes his head..

As he was doing that, Obama keeps swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. So the cowboy finally speaks up, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches.. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to his pitch. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this here country to call their President a horse's ass.."

"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.


After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."

 

[Big country]

A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather more support for his Health Plan. As Obama goes over his various talking points the cowboy just keeps his arms crossed and shakes his head..

As he was doing that, Obama keeps swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. So the cowboy finally speaks up, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches.. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to his pitch. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this here country to call their President a horse's ass.."

"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.


After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."

I like that one.