When You Discover That Your Friends Are Criminals

[Sam7sf]

No one does. I am recently divorced, my ex had a 3 year affair with a guy who she lived a dual life with, built a house with and lied to both of us. She travels for work and split part of that time between him and me. She told me she was working when she was with him, told him that she was working when she was with me.

She still refers to herself as "a good person"

Maaaan. I’m glad you’re free of that.

 

[txinvestigator]

Former friend of mine for years got on the rock and I lost touch with him.
I did a search to see if maybe he was a guest of the grey bar motel.
He was a registered sex offender
(10 yo girl vic) from long before I had met him.
I later disocotiated myself from him but had some difficulty deciding if I should because what he had done in the past.
What would others here have done?

A guy who I have known for 39 years, was a mentor and good friend was convicted in 2015 for two counts of continuous sexual abuse of a child. He did this to two separate girls (one under 10 the other around 14) in two separate marriages (neither kid was his). I was shocked when he was charged. The defense subpoened me to court as a character witness for him. All the time he proclaimed his innocence and insisted he was being set up since he divorced one of the girl's mothers. As well as I knew him I figured he could never do it.

I hadn't seen him in about two years, and when I walked into court before it started on the morning I was set to testify, he made an unintentional admission to me. He said, "oh man, they got me solid". I have been to enough interview/interrogation schools to know what that meant. Since I was under subpoena, I testified to only what I was asked and hauled ass afterwards.

He was convicted and will serve out the rest of his life in TDC, and I will have nothing to do with him.

To answer your question, I did the same thing you did. Sometimes, you HAVE to let people go, and this seemed as good a time as any.

 

[txinvestigator]

Maaaan. I’m glad you’re free of that.

Thanks. Hardest part for me is the three years I sat around being the dutiful husband, taking care of her dog and nearly 100% of the household while she "traveled"

 

[Army 1911]

I have a neighbor who is a convicted killer. He has a company that does handyman jobs. I use him when I need work done.

 

[txinvestigator]

I have a neighbor who is a convicted killer. He has a company that does handyman jobs. I use him when I need work done.

I guess you know the circumstances?

 

[WT_Foxtrot]

Grew up with and dated a girl off and on a few times through HS. My first serious GF. Pretty well-to-do family, not super well-to-do, but they acted like they were. So she was always about the status and flash. Heard a few years back that she got caught embezzling several hundred grand from a company she worked for in her 40s, got caught, and spent several years in prison as a result. One of those things where I was surprised, but not shocked once I thought about it.

 

[deemus]

I would probably have done what you did. However, there could be mitigating circumstances. Since it was long before you met him and the victim was 10, how old was he? If he was 12 or 13,

To properly use those apps, you have to drill down to the individual offender and read what they did, when they did it, and how old they were. In many cases, your gut reaction will be "S/he sure was a dumbass for doing that but I wouldn't call 'em a sex offender" or "Geez, it's sure a good thing no one caught me and my girlfriend when we were teenagers or we'd be on this list, too!" I'll go out on a limb and say you'll have that reaction in most .

On one job I had when I was younger we had a guy who was 18 dating a 15 or 16 yr old. Her dad freaked and he was arrested and sent to jail. He did a short stint. Irony was when he got out the couple got married. But he had to tell every boss he was a sex offender. He told me that he usually brought his wife with him to do it. She was "the victim."

 

[Army 1911]

I guess you know the circumstances?

I know he served his time.

 

[benenglish]

On one job I had when I was younger we had a guy who was 18 dating a 15 or 16 yr old. Her dad freaked and he was arrested and sent to jail.

Common story.

Seems to be some misunderstanding of the Sex offender registration laws. No one who "pissed in public" or solicited a man for sex in the 50s is required to register

Sorry I wasn't more clear. I wasn't speaking specifically of Texas statutes. Most of the studies I've seen about problems with people not deserving to be on sex offender registries have been national in scope and they've almost always concluded that the previously cited "mission creep" is real.

I don't remember, for example, the location where all the old men got added all at once to the sex offender registry. I just remember the circumstances. The state lowered the bar for inclusion and, all of a sudden, a bunch of men who had gotten misdemeanor tickets for homosexual sex back in the 1950s found themselves added to the registry.

Let me do a little googling. Here we go...

Here's a reference to...

...many early offenders landed on the list because of discrimination by police who targeted gay men who were having sex in parks or in cars during the 1950s and '60s.

...from California, cited in the LA Times.

As for peeing in public getting you put on a sex offender registry? Multiple examples are cited under bullet #1 in this article. That article gives several other examples, some much more ridiculous, of people stuck on sex offender registries who, arguably but probably, simply didn't do anything wrong.

According to this DOJ-funded study, among law enforcement personnel who work with sex offender registries, ...

...46% expressed concern over the potential for sex offender registries to generate unfounded or misplaced fear within the community.

...basically because there are more people on the registries than belong there.

And this paper, from a less conservative source, provides a decent overview of the whole mess created when civil commitment is difficult and registries are politically easy when nobody really cares about due process for perverts and the media is sensationalizing the subject at every opportunity. It actually covers a lot more history than that and I personally agree, despite the fact that the study is a decade old, with its conclusion that

...the United States is in the grip of a media fixation and collective moral panic about sex offenders, and ... many of the new legal remedies emerging from false fears, false assumptions, and hysteria are ineffective, costly, and an affront to civil liberties.

Enough off-topic, though. My apologies for the diversion.

 

[Texasjack]

The weirdest criminal situation I know of is an old high school football coach of mine. Back then, he was a pretty good guy, as football coaches go. He got infatuated with another guy's wife and the two of them managed to destroy both relationships and whatever careers were going on. Some years go by and the only job he can get is teaching at a prison. Then he got arrested for having sex with a prisoner. Male prisoner. I guess you just never know. Funny thing, back when I was in school, the assistant football coaches from the area schools played a game against a prison team - kinda like that old movie, "The Longest Yard". All the assistant coaches had been college players and thought they'd kick prisoner ass. Nope. They came back all beat up, with broken bones and such.

I did work with a crazy guy while in college that got busted one night stealing tires from a car dealership. The cops offered to cut some kind of deal if he told them about whatever criminal activities he was aware of - in effect, they wanted to know where he was fencing the stuff he stole. The dumbass kid sang like a canary and told them about every criminal activity in 100 miles. Most was pretty petty (which mechanic was selling weed at the big truck stop) but one story was about how he had been forced to help a Mafia hit man dispose of the body of a dead DEA agent in an old pond. They wound up finding several bodies in the pond, but never went after the hit man. (According to the kid, they were afraid of him.) The kid eventually did go to the Big House for a couple of years for violating parole when he stole some CB radios from his father. He was a nice guy, despite the egregious character flaws. He offered to steal some tires for me when I needed new ones on my beat up car. Before someone asks, I told him no. Just wasn't raised that way.

 

[benenglish]

I am recently divorced, my ex had a 3 year affair with a guy who she lived a dual life with, built a house with and lied to both of us.

I'm glad that's behind you. My sister divorced her husband due to what looked, at first, like simple infidelity. It took a little while into discovery to realize he was a full-blown bigamist with a second wife in a lake house.

Among the three of them, sis was the only source of income. Her husband was skimming enough from her business to pay for a whole second household and wife.

 

[Sam7sf]

He got infatuated with another guy's wife and the two of them managed to destroy both relationships and whatever careers were going on. Some years go by and the only job he can get is teaching at a prison.Then he got arrested for having sex with a prisoner. Male prisoner.

 

[gshayd]

For those who have iphones, Offender Locator is a free app oon the apple store that shows if you have sex offenders living in an area. I have it and highly recommend it. Shows a picture, age and other details of the offenders

Yes, the State of Texas has that I was shocked. There was one guy who had underage sex but married the same girl and they had kids that lived close by according to my wife who has lived here all her life. But there were red dots that made me nervous that were in the area close by.

You never really know anybody. When we were getting ready to deploy we had one officer that was honest about his feelings on it. I wasn't happy about it but I raised my hand and took an oath. However, there were some that surprised me when we got overseas. The real personalities came out. The LT that wasn't happy about it was one of the quietest and hard workers. People that had dogged him out you had to watch out for. I thought a stand-up NCO was good to go. We almost came to blows over his behavior and actions. I was shocked.

 

[gshayd]

I don't understand having another woman thing. The constant yapping x 2 would make me run away.

 

[Sam7sf]

I don't understand having another woman thing. The constant yapping x 2 would make me run away.

Yuuuup.

 

[gshayd]

In fact if this wife of 40+ years passes away I plan to buy a bullhorn so when the ladies bring dishes over I can put it on loud and say put the food down and back away from the door and leave.

 

[FireInTheWire]

In fact if this wife of 40+ years passes away I plan to buy a bullhorn so when the ladies bring dishes over I can put it on loud and say put the food down and back away from the door and leave.

 

[deemus]

No one does. I am recently divorced, my ex had a 3 year affair with a guy who she lived a dual life with, built a house with and lied to both of us. She travels for work and split part of that time between him and me. She told me she was working when she was with him, told him that she was working when she was with me.

She still refers to herself as "a good person"

I know a lady who had a similar experience. She got a letter from the IRS for not paying taxes on an IRA distribution. She called them and checked prior tax returns.

Long story short, her hubby had setup his gay lover in an apartment and was paying for it all, including a new car. It came out and they were divorced. She was devastated and felt betrayed. She made him explain it to their kids.

Glad you got out of that mess.

 

[MTA]

I know a lady who had a similar experience. She got a letter from the IRS for not paying taxes on an IRA distribution. She called them and checked prior tax returns.

Long story short, her hubby had setup his gay lover in an apartment and was paying for it all, including a new car. It came out and they were divorced. She was devastated and felt betrayed. She made him explain it to their kids.

Glad you got out of that mess.

Damn

 

[Sam7sf]

I don’t get the homo thing. I have no doubt that a lot of these guys have great looking wives, too.