I was in the hospital for one of my every couple of month stays. I have a blood clotting disorder that I found out by ending up in the hospital for internal bleeding when I was 12, and has given me secondary problems. So I'm on blood thinners and was in to have a stent installed into my common bile duct. While in, I started bleeding uncontrollably on the night of valentines day. Blood coming out of my mouth, nose, and I thought eyes, but am not sure. It just wouldn't stop. So I lost a lot of blood and that combined with meds makes for respiratory failure and cardiac arrest. I don't even remember laying down.
Next thing I know, I see a vast white world. No Jesus, or dead relatives, just vast white with white figures on my left, right, and front. I literally thought I had been abducted by aliens. I didn't know who, when, where, why, or how I was. I just knew I was terrified and in pain. As my brain is starting to work again, I see a man's face. Everything is still white, but this man's face was in color. He's telling me to calm down. I still don't know what the heck is going on. I was panicking.
All I hear is an oscillating and buzzing sound that was later explained to be in my head as a result of the defibrillator. Then I hear a man telling me he has to remove my pants cause I peed in them. So now I'm laying there butt naked with all these nurses around me, as my brain is starting to recognize color. I still don't know who I am. The nurses told me later that they kept losing me till one of them had the mind to give me a reason to live. She yelled, "you have two beautiful daughters, what are their names?" I couldn't remember for a minute, but instantly knew who I was and that something went wrong. Finally I yelled out their names and asked what the heck was going on.
It turned out, I had shallow breathing at around 11 PM. They say by a few hours later, my breathing and heart stopped. At 7, a nurse who'd been my nurse since I was 12 went to check on me before ending her shift and found me gray and stiff. So they gave me all kinds of drugs and defibed my ass. After coming back and going out several times, I finally decided to stay for a while longer cause I love my girls. Still have the scar from one of the defib patches on my ribs.
But that one was the worst. I was also told that when I was 15 I died on the operating table. I didn't experience the painful fight to come back that time though. This may seem kind of crazy, but with a lengthy history of my very bad health issues, it's all routine to me. I've been very close to death more times than I can count, so it seems like a welcome thing to me.
So I have no fear of death and would MUCH rather die in a battle for all things good, to help my fellow patriot and give my children a fighting chance in life. It certainly beats dying in a bed, due to my illnesses. It would be nice to do it on my terms. To give my life for someone, or some great cause. I love life and would prefer to keep on living, but if it came down to fighting for my fellow man and families future, I'm not the type to hope someone else get's it done for me. I'd be out there with some of the guys from this thread, death in the back of my mind, and freedom in the foreground.
God has blessed me over and over and over and over, with new life. I would lay it down for him, my family, and you all, at a moments notice. I"M READY.
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