Peter Funt: 'Disrespect' Is Something You Earn - WSJ.com
'Disrespect' Is Something You Earn
Everybody thinks he's Rodney Dangerfield now, without the sense of humor.
By PETER FUNT
After informing the airline customer-service agent on the telephone that she had made an error in my itinerary, I was taken aback by her reply. She said I had "disrespected" her.
A few days later I read about a small but telling incident aboard an Amtrak train traveling up the West Coast, involving a woman who talked incessantly on her cellphone in a so-called "Quiet Car." According to KATU television in Portland, passengers said the woman was being "disrespectful." Police finally removed her from the train, whereupon she told reporters that she felt "disrespected" by the entire incident.
Apparently "respect" has emerged as society's favorite go-to word when we don't like someone or something, or they don't like us. Listen closely to the patter of politicians and athletes, reality-TV stars and gang members, and you'd think all they want from life nowadays is to be respected.
Not since Rodney Dangerfield's prime—"I get no respect: When I was born the doctor slapped my mother"—has there been so much blather about "respect" and "disrespect." One of John Boehner's early acts upon becoming House speaker was to tell "60 Minutes" that President Obama had "disrespected" him. The alleged insult was the president's statement that Republicans were "holding hostage" middle-class tax relief while trying to win cuts for the wealthy.
Most of us are schooled in basic respect for elders, flag, clergy, courts and so forth. We were taught that respect was something that was earned. Somewhere along the line, however, the concept has been inverted. Respect is no longer measured so much by what we achieve as what we demand.
It's difficult to pinpoint the precise moment when a term takes on new meaning, but Aretha Franklin's 1967 anthem, "Respect," was an early indicator of this particular rhetorical shift. Back then, the song underscored reasonable goals of the civil rights and women's rights movements. Today, the concept of "respect" has been commandeered by those with far less laudable objectives.
In a recent report on California gang violence, the Oakland Tribune asked a police lieutenant why conditions are so bad. "It is usually some form of disrespect," he explained, "or inferred disrespect."
Understandably, those in the poorest circumstances have little to cling to if not self-respect. However, the misappropriation of the concept now extends from America's violence-torn neighborhoods to the halls of Congress. It resonates in modern music and is amplified by social networking.
Professional athletes, who command enormous power to influence the thinking and rhetoric of millions of Americans, are increasingly obsessed with the notion of "respect."
For example, after five seasons with the Titans, quarterback Vince Young declared that coach Jeff Fisher had "disrespected" him during the entire time he spent in Tennessee. When Donovan McNabb joined the Washington Redskins, his former teammates on the Philadelphia Eagles accused Mr. McNabb of disrespecting them. Then, when Mr. McNabb was benched by his new team, he said the Redskins coach, Mike Shanahan, was disrespecting him.
Writing in the Detroit News, Bob Wojnowski said the Pistons basketball season has been marked by "nastiness, pouting and confusion." This, he concluded, was due to "a breakdown in respect for the game, respect for fans, respect for each other." He went on to note that the players showed a "lack of respect" for their coach and also disrespected the team's owner.
In baseball, the respect thing has become so twisted that if a player dares celebrate a successful play he's in danger of being beaned his next time up because he "disrespected" the other team. And then there's Edgar Renteria, last season's aging World Series hero for the San Francisco Giants, who said the team showed a "lack of respect" and "total disrespect" by offering him only a million dollars to play in 2011.
Nearly 200 years ago, Webster defined respect as: "That estimation or honor in which men hold the distinguished worth or substantial good qualities of others." In the modern online Urban Dictionary, where entries are rated by readers, the leading definition of respect is: "A quality seriously lacking in today's society."
Sometimes in our living language we allow a good word to go bad, and in doing so redefine ourselves. Today, those most adamant in demanding respect are often the least likely to deserve any.
Mr. Funt is a writer and public speaker reachable at Candid Camera Online!.
'Disrespect' Is Something You Earn
Everybody thinks he's Rodney Dangerfield now, without the sense of humor.
By PETER FUNT
After informing the airline customer-service agent on the telephone that she had made an error in my itinerary, I was taken aback by her reply. She said I had "disrespected" her.
A few days later I read about a small but telling incident aboard an Amtrak train traveling up the West Coast, involving a woman who talked incessantly on her cellphone in a so-called "Quiet Car." According to KATU television in Portland, passengers said the woman was being "disrespectful." Police finally removed her from the train, whereupon she told reporters that she felt "disrespected" by the entire incident.
Apparently "respect" has emerged as society's favorite go-to word when we don't like someone or something, or they don't like us. Listen closely to the patter of politicians and athletes, reality-TV stars and gang members, and you'd think all they want from life nowadays is to be respected.
Not since Rodney Dangerfield's prime—"I get no respect: When I was born the doctor slapped my mother"—has there been so much blather about "respect" and "disrespect." One of John Boehner's early acts upon becoming House speaker was to tell "60 Minutes" that President Obama had "disrespected" him. The alleged insult was the president's statement that Republicans were "holding hostage" middle-class tax relief while trying to win cuts for the wealthy.
Most of us are schooled in basic respect for elders, flag, clergy, courts and so forth. We were taught that respect was something that was earned. Somewhere along the line, however, the concept has been inverted. Respect is no longer measured so much by what we achieve as what we demand.
It's difficult to pinpoint the precise moment when a term takes on new meaning, but Aretha Franklin's 1967 anthem, "Respect," was an early indicator of this particular rhetorical shift. Back then, the song underscored reasonable goals of the civil rights and women's rights movements. Today, the concept of "respect" has been commandeered by those with far less laudable objectives.
In a recent report on California gang violence, the Oakland Tribune asked a police lieutenant why conditions are so bad. "It is usually some form of disrespect," he explained, "or inferred disrespect."
Understandably, those in the poorest circumstances have little to cling to if not self-respect. However, the misappropriation of the concept now extends from America's violence-torn neighborhoods to the halls of Congress. It resonates in modern music and is amplified by social networking.
Professional athletes, who command enormous power to influence the thinking and rhetoric of millions of Americans, are increasingly obsessed with the notion of "respect."
For example, after five seasons with the Titans, quarterback Vince Young declared that coach Jeff Fisher had "disrespected" him during the entire time he spent in Tennessee. When Donovan McNabb joined the Washington Redskins, his former teammates on the Philadelphia Eagles accused Mr. McNabb of disrespecting them. Then, when Mr. McNabb was benched by his new team, he said the Redskins coach, Mike Shanahan, was disrespecting him.
Writing in the Detroit News, Bob Wojnowski said the Pistons basketball season has been marked by "nastiness, pouting and confusion." This, he concluded, was due to "a breakdown in respect for the game, respect for fans, respect for each other." He went on to note that the players showed a "lack of respect" for their coach and also disrespected the team's owner.
In baseball, the respect thing has become so twisted that if a player dares celebrate a successful play he's in danger of being beaned his next time up because he "disrespected" the other team. And then there's Edgar Renteria, last season's aging World Series hero for the San Francisco Giants, who said the team showed a "lack of respect" and "total disrespect" by offering him only a million dollars to play in 2011.
Nearly 200 years ago, Webster defined respect as: "That estimation or honor in which men hold the distinguished worth or substantial good qualities of others." In the modern online Urban Dictionary, where entries are rated by readers, the leading definition of respect is: "A quality seriously lacking in today's society."
Sometimes in our living language we allow a good word to go bad, and in doing so redefine ourselves. Today, those most adamant in demanding respect are often the least likely to deserve any.
Mr. Funt is a writer and public speaker reachable at Candid Camera Online!.
