Divorce in Texas with a kid...

[Man With A Gun...]

Looks like I'm headed down that road. Anybody been through the process? Have any good recommendations or know how the process works etc. Maybe know what pitfalls to avoid? (Besides getting hitched in the first place!!!)

 

[MadMo44Mag]

Been there done that and as long as things are not hostile it can be pretty easy to work out.

If you both can agree to everything it can be done in a matter of a few weeks.

Myself it took nearly three years before she finally realized I held all the cards and gave up.

So it all depends on if she wants to be fair or wants to screw you on the way out!

Good Luck Brother!!!!

 

[android]

Sorry to hear about this..

My brother just finalized his divorce a few months ago. He has three girls and they have joint custody.

A lot depends on how vindictive it gets. One person may say they're going to be nice and then a few visits to a lawyer turns them into a nightmare. Send the guns to a trusted friends for safekeeping. If she tries a TRO (even unjustified) it can result in confiscation and lots of possible CHL problems.

 

[TxEMTP69]

if it looks like its gonna be a nasty one, get your guns out, and anything else you care deeply about. Good luck and will keep you in my prayers.

 

[txinvestigator]

You will have a minimum of 60 days from when you file to when the decree can be final. Look for a local chapter of Fathers for Equal Rights. Dads get screwed too often in divorces.

Never agree to just use one attorney, hers. Get your own. I know you can't afford it; however, you more so cannot afford NOT to.

If your temporary order has a restraining order (they all do) other than a restraining order solely affecting property interests, your CHL may be suspended.

NEVER believe that she is or will give in to what you want. I have worked too many divorce cases, and it is all too common for someone to get ahold of her, even if she is agreeable, and get her wound up.

That said, I am sorry for you, and mostly for the kids.

 

[Big country]

Good luck man, sorry to hear about this.

 

[hk boy]

my divorce was finalized in August 2009
lukily I am on good terms with my ex (so far)
I don't know what county you are in
but look in your phone book, look up your county bar association
they usually have a help line or low cost consultations
it is better for you and your wife to get all posessions and child related issues worked
out before you lawyer up
good luck to you

 

[TexasRedneck]

As others have said - have your own Counselor. Offer to pay for it if she'll work it out w/you and just use yours, and avoid the temptation to try and play any "games". As long as you both stay civil, you CAN work it out between you. The minute you go into court with a contested divorce, the only one that wins are the attorneys.
Sorry to hear you're headed down that road - been on it myself, and it sux!!!

 

[navyguy]

Sorry about that. Divorce even when things go smoothly is difficult at best. Some good advice already given, but figure just about everything will be split 50/50 property wise, and if you have kids, you'll no doubt be paying child support until they are 18.

 

[ROGER4314]

Please read & heed:

EVERY TIME you argue with her, the lawyers' cash registers will go "ka-ching". You may think you are standing up for your rights or righting the wrongs of the divorce process but in the end, it will all translate to money in the lawyers' pocket. They LOVE it when couples argue!

Don't date, leave nasty Emails, notes or audio messages or do anything to rev her up.

She won't be your wife anymore but she will always be the mother of the children. If you keep focus on what is best for the kids and take your mind off of how you'd like to choke the life out of her, things will be better.

I got divorced in 1975 and never married again. I'm in a relationship that is making the 9 year mark. We are happy and the "M" thing has been discussed and put away. I'm not going to preach but you might consider that lifestyle.

Getting married is like sticking your head in a lion's butt. For a while, everything is warm and cozy but sooner or later you will get the Hell kicked out of you.

Flash

 

[Y2bad4U]

Get a lawyer, don't go off what they say. Ask alot of questions. I was told about joint custody and I did get it, but it really didn't mean squat since she is primary. Don't just settle on the standard visitation. Read it and go through with having it customized. If ya'll are in the same city, I highly suggest trying to actually have joint. Like one week with you and one week with her. They can combine ALL of your income to setup of child support. Overtime, bonus, and all. My problem was the lawyer told me a fee, and then towards the end they said they needed more money to finish. I was told in the beginning it would be said amount for the divorce. Also they could charge you for every phone call, paper copy, pretty much anything. I was pretty mad at the end, because they never said this up front. So just be aware, and look out for your interests. Even if things are good now, they can GET WORSE down the road. Good Luck bro.

 

[txinvestigator]

This ought to cause a riot;

In my opinion, unless there was abuse, affairs or an addiction that interfered with the marriage the PARENTS should have to move back and forth, while the kids stay in the same house.

 

[TexasRedneck]

Actually, TI - I agree. Having said that, doing joint custody any other way does nothing more than screw up the kids - moving from one house to the other a week at a time is absolutely nuts, and an impossible psychological burden on the kids, IMO. Mommy and Daddy may feel all cozy about it - but it's ABOUT THE KIDS.
Hold 'em, tell 'em you love them - and ALWAYS let them know that NONE of it was their "fault".
Oh - and NEVER bad-mouth the ex in front of the kids, no matter what. Period. Even if she/he just spit in your face - NEVER let a word against the ex leave your lips in the hearing of your kids.

 

[Y2bad4U]

Actually, TI - I agree. Having said that, doing joint custody any other way does nothing more than screw up the kids - moving from one house to the other a week at a time is absolutely nuts, and an impossible psychological burden on the kids, IMO. Mommy and Daddy may feel all cozy about it - but it's ABOUT THE KIDS.
Hold 'em, tell 'em you love them - and ALWAYS let them know that NONE of it was their "fault".
Oh - and NEVER bad-mouth the ex in front of the kids, no matter what. Period. Even if she/he just spit in your face - NEVER let a word against the ex leave your lips in the hearing of your kids.

You ever been through that or know anyone who has? How do you know if it'll screw them up? If the parents live close, and the kids stay in the same school, it can work. They will have their own rooms at each house anyways. My kids can't wait for me to get closer so they can do that. Not necessarily 7 days at a time, but they can stay a few here during the week and such and not be restricted to JUST WEEKENDS!

 

[txinvestigator]

You ever been through that or know anyone who has? How do you know if it'll screw them up? If the parents live close, and the kids stay in the same school, it can work. They will have their own rooms at each house anyways. My kids can't wait for me to get closer so they can do that. Not necessarily 7 days at a time, but they can stay a few here during the week and such and not be restricted to JUST WEEKENDS!

Everyone tries to justify THEIR situation, but the bottom line is that your kids only get to visit you, and there stuff is not there.

 

[TexasRedneck]

You ever been through that or know anyone who has? How do you know if it'll screw them up? If the parents live close, and the kids stay in the same school, it can work. They will have their own rooms at each house anyways. My kids can't wait for me to get closer so they can do that. Not necessarily 7 days at a time, but they can stay a few here during the week and such and not be restricted to JUST WEEKENDS!

As a matter of fact, yes I do. The kids ended up with no clear idea of just WHO was in charge - because that changed every week. They learned to "work" that situation (kids are pro's at it, trust me). As they get older, there'll be jobs, friends and such to "keep" them at one place. Make it as easy as you can, the visits are great - just remember that they're just that - visits.

Two adults living together are a challenge in the first place. Add in the stress of marriage, modern life and kids - and it's a miracle that any marriage survives. Had I known then what I know now, I'd likely never have married the first wife - but then again, I got some wonderful kids out of that that I wouldn't trade for the world. It is what it is - at this point, all that can be done is damage control.

 

[Big country]

I have been threw divorce as a kid. No matter what you do make easier you will never take the situation out of there minds trust me. My folks got along great after the divorce and still do but the divorce still took a toll on me. I agree with TR, tell the kids how much you love them and never ever let them hear you talk bad about the other parent or their family. And don't try and coax them into spying on the other parent either I worked with a guy that tried that and it cost him a relation ship with his kids. ie he got only supervised visits for a set time for something like 2 years till he was allowed weekend visits.

 

[saltydog]

get a lawyer. the only way to protect yourself. so many have ended with the presumption that it will be civil. very seldom does it end that way. you will be fighting over the dog in the end.