Not mine, but had me in stitches.
There’s a dick on this chick!” cried the Pepe in the beret. “You can see through his dress, it’s there plain as day!”
“She was the First Lady,” chides Karen the scold. “She’s stunning and brave, and your claim is too bold! And the last person spreading such slanderous lies had the most unfortunate slip. Her heart stopped at the doctors while getting a nip.”
“The First Lady you say? But this cannot be! It looks like a thing from the depths of the sea! Why would a president wed such a beast, knowing the sausage he brings to the feast?”
“She’s not a man!” shrieks the pink-haired and ponderous Trigglypuff. “Stop assuming zir gender, or we shall become rough! We’ll boycott your business and picket your home. And we’ll call day and night to your manager’s phone!”
“A bird is a bird, and a fish is a fish, and no matter your claims, THAT is NOT a knish!”
“Bigot!” the pencil-necked, pedo-stached slacktivist screams. “Cisgendered, racist, peddler of memes. We cancel those who claim logic and truth! We can send you to jail without one flamfoozle of proof!”
The Pepe in the beret looked on with a face full of appall. “It’s clear your asylum needs a much higher wall. How is it such madness runs free on the street? A blind man could tell that ‘chick’ is smuggling meat!”
“Tut-tut,” tisked the RINO, mom-jeans up past his waist. “Such vulgar words are in truly bad taste. Now I must vote with the Progs to take your freedoms away. Gosh-darnit to heck, Pepe in the beret - there are some things you simply can’t say!”
“Fine,” says the Pepe in the beret. “Keep floating through life in your spineless, jellyfish way. But the truth is the truth - there’s a dick on that ‘chick’! That none will admit it makes me quite sick. Though perhaps, there are others who yet still can see? There must be a place with others like me!”
“Not so fast,” burbles the bald-headed billionaire despot. “You’ll go no further with that kind of thought. I forbid you from gathering in social media spaces. I’ll pull down your forums and bar marketplaces! From amzoophles to zindlers, you’ll not be buying online. And no, it’s not censorship - these things are all mine!”
“That doesn’t seem right,” says the Pepe in the beret, with a shake of his head. “It seems like you all prefer me and mine dead! There’s a dick on this ‘chick’ - please open your eyes! I speak only the truth, you’re the ones spinning lies! It seems all of you find destroying us fun. Does peace only come from the barrel of a gun?”
“No more of this,” drools the addled and mush-mouthed President Lich. “Or you’ll end up like my wife and be dead in a ditch. You’re clearly a threat - we must take your weapons away. And are we having oatmeal with raisins today?”
“Very well,” sights the Pepe in the beret, “be it canceled or jailed, I won’t bend the knee however I pay. But push me and squoosh me, scream, swear or shout, there’s a truth you should beware of…”
“Fûck around and find out!”
There’s a dick on this chick!” cried the Pepe in the beret. “You can see through his dress, it’s there plain as day!”
“She was the First Lady,” chides Karen the scold. “She’s stunning and brave, and your claim is too bold! And the last person spreading such slanderous lies had the most unfortunate slip. Her heart stopped at the doctors while getting a nip.”
“The First Lady you say? But this cannot be! It looks like a thing from the depths of the sea! Why would a president wed such a beast, knowing the sausage he brings to the feast?”
“She’s not a man!” shrieks the pink-haired and ponderous Trigglypuff. “Stop assuming zir gender, or we shall become rough! We’ll boycott your business and picket your home. And we’ll call day and night to your manager’s phone!”
“A bird is a bird, and a fish is a fish, and no matter your claims, THAT is NOT a knish!”
“Bigot!” the pencil-necked, pedo-stached slacktivist screams. “Cisgendered, racist, peddler of memes. We cancel those who claim logic and truth! We can send you to jail without one flamfoozle of proof!”
The Pepe in the beret looked on with a face full of appall. “It’s clear your asylum needs a much higher wall. How is it such madness runs free on the street? A blind man could tell that ‘chick’ is smuggling meat!”
“Tut-tut,” tisked the RINO, mom-jeans up past his waist. “Such vulgar words are in truly bad taste. Now I must vote with the Progs to take your freedoms away. Gosh-darnit to heck, Pepe in the beret - there are some things you simply can’t say!”
“Fine,” says the Pepe in the beret. “Keep floating through life in your spineless, jellyfish way. But the truth is the truth - there’s a dick on that ‘chick’! That none will admit it makes me quite sick. Though perhaps, there are others who yet still can see? There must be a place with others like me!”
“Not so fast,” burbles the bald-headed billionaire despot. “You’ll go no further with that kind of thought. I forbid you from gathering in social media spaces. I’ll pull down your forums and bar marketplaces! From amzoophles to zindlers, you’ll not be buying online. And no, it’s not censorship - these things are all mine!”
“That doesn’t seem right,” says the Pepe in the beret, with a shake of his head. “It seems like you all prefer me and mine dead! There’s a dick on this ‘chick’ - please open your eyes! I speak only the truth, you’re the ones spinning lies! It seems all of you find destroying us fun. Does peace only come from the barrel of a gun?”
“No more of this,” drools the addled and mush-mouthed President Lich. “Or you’ll end up like my wife and be dead in a ditch. You’re clearly a threat - we must take your weapons away. And are we having oatmeal with raisins today?”
“Very well,” sights the Pepe in the beret, “be it canceled or jailed, I won’t bend the knee however I pay. But push me and squoosh me, scream, swear or shout, there’s a truth you should beware of…”
“Fûck around and find out!”
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