ethel

[DCortez]

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.


Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.


One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?' Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.


As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, butt-naked, and holding his 'you-know-what' in his hand. 'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that damn breathalyzer test again!!!

 

[MadMo44Mag]

What are you?

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following q uestion:You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner,locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Colt Model 1911 45 cal. automatic pistol, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.What do you do?

THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:










Democrat's Answer :


Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to himthat would inspire him to attack?
0ACould we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed dayand make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!I need to debate this with some friendsfor few days and try to come to a consensus.

...........................................................................


Republican's Answer:



BANG!


.......................................................................



Redneck's Answer:


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!'
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist












​

 

[DCortez]

men, if you think you have problems,
just remember...


somewhere in this world
there is a mr. Pelosi

 

[oldguy]

somewhere in this world
there is a mr. Pelosi

Who likely has a mistress.

 

[res1b3uq]

madmo

Best laugh I've had in weeks!!!! Thanks!!!!