APOD Firearms

Holiday Party Announcement

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  • AcidFlashGordon

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    Company's Holiday Party

    FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: Everyone
    RE: Christmas Party
    DATE: December 1


    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

    **********

    FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
    DATE: December 2
    RE: Christmas Party


    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."

    The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?

    **********

    FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
    DATE: December 3
    RE: Holiday Party


    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

    Somebody?

    **********

    FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
    DATE: December 7
    RE: Holiday Party

    What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party. The days are so short this time of year or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work?

    Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss anything?

    **********

    FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
    DATE: December 8
    RE: Holiday Party

    So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice. What do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.

    Okay???

    **********

    FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
    Date: December 9
    RE: Holiday Party

    People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.

    Could we lighten up?

    **********

    FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
    DATE: December 10
    RE: Holiday Party

    Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^@*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes... But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now!

    **********

    FROM: Teri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    DATE: December 14
    RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanatorium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

    Happy Holidays!
    DK Firearms
     

    dustycorgill

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    Sounds bout right in corporate America these days. Glad I am not part of it. Im not P.C. enough to be in a corporate setting. Guess I just dont give a sh*t. Lol
     

    TXARGUY

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    My wife is the Human Resources Officer for a small local bank (15 branches).

    She got a real kick out of this and sadly it's not too far off from being completely realistic.
     

    dustycorgill

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    My wife is the Human Resources Officer for a small local bank (15 branches).

    She got a real kick out of this and sadly it's not too far off from being completely realistic.

    Doesn't it make you sick?

    Question......do we reach an age where things like this dont quite chap our hides as bad anymore? I am 41 and it pisses me off just as much now as it did when I was 20. Its just stupid.
     

    deemus

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    Doesn't it make you sick?

    Question......do we reach an age where things like this dont quite chap our hides as bad anymore? I am 41 and it pisses me off just as much now as it did when I was 20. Its just stupid.

    I kind of get it. You want to accomadate as much as you can. The reality is, my Jewish friends don't give a rats ass if you call it a Christmas party. In fact, most put up trees for their kids. I only have one Muslim friend, and she always comes to our home for the holidays. She won't eat pork, but she loves our white elephant gift exchange. But she also knows its our celebration, and for that there is no apology. But its a different thing in a corporate setting.
     

    TXARGUY

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    Doesn't it make you sick?

    Question......do we reach an age where things like this dont quite chap our hides as bad anymore? I am 41 and it pisses me off just as much now as it did when I was 20. Its just stupid.

    I couldn't do the job that my wife does and I have the utmost respect for her for being able to do it and for as long as she has.

    In 2004 she was the director of Human Resources at a major technology firm in Frisco (will not name the company) when a major workforce drawdown hit. Her responsibility was to manage the drawdown (layoffs) and she did an awesome job of placing (finding jobs for) laid off employees and creating more than generous severance packages (she fought tooth and nail with the company's board for every penny she could get for said packages).

    She was losing her job too. That didn't stop the death threats she received, her car getting scratched up or her tires cut (twice).

    I'm 42 so not too far ahead of you. I just hate people in general. Well most people anyway, you guys are cool.

    I'm an equal opportunity people hater. I don't care what color, creed, political or religious preference you are. Chances are great that I don't want you around (outside of my bros here of course).
     
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    Glockster69

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    Doesn't it make you sick?

    Question......do we reach an age where things like this dont quite chap our hides as bad anymore? I am 41 and it pisses me off just as much now as it did when I was 20. Its just stupid.

    So WHO are you calling STUPID!?!? Santa .. Christians .. Jews .. Muslims .. veggies .. or alchys? :mad:

    :roflsmile:
     
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    benenglish

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    Just another part of the pc crowd taking over. We can't offend anyone.
    Two stories -

    First, I used to do standup comedy for a hobby. In one of my classes, the instructor was adamant "If somebody doesn't get pissed, you're probably not funny." I've taken that to heart over the years, sometimes to my detriment.

    Second story. Sorry for the length and the apparent insanity of it but it's completely true.

    I worked for a large organization that had outreach programs for any self-identified group. The were groups for Hispanics, Christians, Blacks, Asian, Pacific Islander, Native American, etc. These groups were no big deal. A few members would get a couple of paid days off, nationwide, to organize some activities but that was about all.

    One time, our big boss in Houston decided to create a greater sense of "we're all in this together" and he called an all-employee meeting. That meant almost 3000 people in one room for three days. We rented the George R. Brown. All the employee groups got a 10 to 20 minute slot to give a little presentation. Each was to cover the history of their group in Houston.

    At one of the early planning meetings, the time slots were handed out to the Hispanics, Christians, etc., when one of the oldest (and sometimes most obtuse) employees on the planning committee just boomed out "When do we schedule something for the white people?" Keep in mind, this is one of the most officially PC places in existence.

    Everyone froze.

    Here's the deal. No one would speak against him because no one wanted to give offense. None of the heads of the other groups (there was no official "white employees" group) would say anything. To his credit, the guy running the meeting asked for some clarification and the old guy narrowed his definition to European-immigrant descendants. "Does anyone have any objection to the inclusion of a presentation on the history of Europeans in Houston?" was the question put to the committee and no one objected. They couldn't unless they were willing to be openly hypocritical (even though some folks were well and truly pissed).

    OK, the presentation was on. The guy who brought it up volunteered to run it. He said he could do a great impression of a drunk to illustrate the influx of the Irish into the U.S. OK, that went too far. The chairman declined that particular volunteer and then said to the group "Perhaps the best way to avoid undue emphasis on any particular country of origin would be to have this presentation overseen by someone from one of the other, already-established groups."

    I felt really sorry for him, trying to find someone to author and organize the "contribution of white folks" presentation. Then I realized he was staring right at me. Then everybody was staring at me. I spoke up. "Gary, I was hired on as a Native American but subsequent to that the definition in federal law of Native American has changed. I was born Native American but now I'm a white guy. I'm a member of the Native American group basically because if the membership falls below three, the chapter gets disbanded."

    "Then I think that makes you perfect for this."

    And that was how I got the job of doing a 15 minute presentation on the history and contributions of white people in Houston...<sigh>...wait for it...as told through the medium of interpretive dance.

    I.

    Shit.

    You.

    Not.

    Long story short, I went straight for comedy. I turned the idiocy of having to sit through these exercises in political correctness on its head and I got, by far, the most positive feedback of any presenter. And I learned a lot of history in the process.

    I said once, in another thread, that I spent my working life as a generalist. I said that my employers threw me into all sorts of situations for which I had no training or qualifications based on the assumption that I'd just figure it out and get the work done.

    I think this was one of the single most difficult assignments I ever had.

    Say what you want about being politically correct but I can tell you, from hard experience, that sometimes being PC is very, very difficult. ;)
     

    Sapper740

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    I kind of get it. You want to accomadate as much as you can. The reality is, my Jewish friends don't give a rats ass if you call it a Christmas party. In fact, most put up trees for their kids. I only have one Muslim friend, and she always comes to our home for the holidays. She won't eat pork, but she loves our white elephant gift exchange. But she also knows its our celebration, and for that there is no apology. But its a different thing in a corporate setting.
    Exactly! It seems the only people who complain about Christmas are White Liberals and Atheists.
     

    benenglish

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    Was this during your super sized size? Oh please, PLEASE tell me there's a video history available! :laughing:
    I weighed about 450 pounds at the time. Yes, there was extensive video.

    That video somehow got lost over time.

    Yeah.

    That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
     
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