Meat Gazers

[Bobk]

So we were having a discussion the other day at work among some old army vets about the army urinalysis program and meat gazers.

So out of curiosity how many of you were trained to be meat gazers or want to admit to it?

Figure with all the serious B.S going on how about a little humor!

 

[TxStetson]

I wasn’t in the army, but I was the urinalysis coordinator for one of the ships I was stationed on. I was one of the lucky few to get picked for a random once and one of the observers was a friend of mine. As I was filling the bottle he walked up behind me and put his chin on my shoulder, reached both arms around me, and asked if I wanted him to hold the bottle. I wound up spilling my urine sample everywhere as I elbowed him in the ribs.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

 

[Bobk]

I wasn’t in the army, but I was the urinalysis coordinator for one of the ships I was stationed on. I was one of the lucky few to get picked for a random once and one of the observers was a friend of mine. As I was filling the bottle he walked up behind me and put his chin on my shoulder, reached both arms around me, and asked if I wanted him to hold the bottle. I wound up spilling my urine sample everywhere as I elbowed him in the ribs.

Hilarious! Even the Navy had meat gazers!

Nothing like old memories and blasts from past! Amazing the stuff that we remember that civilians would have no idea of what we were talking about.

Don’t remember how many times I got stuck being an observer.

 

[Bozz10mm]

I was the drug and alcohol NCO for our unit. An additional duty. I didn't like that job at all. Yes, urine collection was part of the job, along with maintaining the chain of custody, labeling, and shipping the urine to the lab. This is the first time I've heard the term meat gazer tho.

Join the Army. Pee all you can pee.

 

[Bobk]

I remember in the early 80’s the urinalysis program was just starting. People could pop hot at least once. I remember a NCO who had used his wife sample but forgot she was smoking dope. It was his second time that he had got caught on the test. He bought the article 15 from the PAC NCO.

Those were still the days of beer machines in the barracks and two beer lunches.

Cold War going on and still had Vietnam vets on active duty.

 

[baboon]

Many years ago I had just punched out for the day @ work when the store manager chased me down to my truck. He says I need to do a piss test & I told him I was all ready clocked out. He says punch back & take the test. This time they had a mobile unit doing the test so out to this mini bus I go.

In the bus they guy taking samples hands me the jar & says fill it to the line. I tell him I just pissed before clocking out & didn't have to go. The tester tells the store manager & he comes out to the mini bus. By this time I have wasted 15 minutes of everyones time. The manager mumbles something about me drinking something. I tell him I aint thirsty, but he insisting. Next he says he will go inside & get me a drink & has his hand out for money. I tell him I'm penniless & if he wants me pissing he needs to buy. He ask what I want & I tell him beer makes me piss the quickest. No beer, soda tea coffee or water! I'll have a coke. He brinks me a fountain coke & I explain how Marvin Zindlers restaurants reports has it where I won't drink fountain drinks. He comes back with a can of coke that I drink & they wait.

I hear the tester say he is now late for his next location & we need to hurry this along. I still don't need to piss. 2 more cans of coke & finally I need to piss. So I get my jar & I'm led over to the toilet & the testers say he has to watch me. I pretty much turned my whole body piss everywhere before giving him a short sample.

I ended up with 2 hours of overtime from th ordeal. Store manager looked like an idiot for paying out O.T. for a piss test & I passed. Found out later from the department manager I was chosen only because they didn't think the other 2 guys workingafter I had clocked out would pass.

 

[Bozz10mm]

I don't think Article 15 was an option back in the 90s when I was doing it. It was once and yer done. Out. Discharged other than Honorable. Didn't matter what the drug was. Marijuana, cocaine, or whatever they were looking for that month. They didn't check for every drug every time.

 

[Bozz10mm]

The last place I worked tested quarterly. Employees were selected randomly supposedly. There were 35 or 40 of us and they picked 3 or 4 each quarter for testing. I was selected 3 quarters in a row. What are the odds.

 

[Bobk]

There are some jobs now that require urinalysis before being allowed on the job-site. We only give them when an accident occurs. Everyone is worried about the privacy issues. Times have changed.

Bozz10mm you must be lucky.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

My last job did random testing and I was there probably 7 years before my first "random" test.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

There are some jobs now that require urinalysis before being allowed on the job-site. We only give them when an accident occurs. Everyone is worried about the privacy issues. Times have changed.

Bozz10mm you must be lucky.

A few of our clients required testing for all employees working on their projects.

 

[Bithabus]

I worked as a parole officer once. So, yeah

 

[Vaquero]

Too many times. Too many negatives.
OP is a fag.

 

[Sam7sf]

Did someone say they need a meat gazer!?

 

[BRD@66]

Off topic? Sure but it's TGT. Texas had a very large police agency (on the coast between San Antonio & Beaumont) that during the 80's, had a program for securing a urine sample from DWI arrestee who'd refused a breath test. They'd put him in a temporary cell (with a urinal) & lay in wait for him to take a leak & catch the sample surreptitiously. The deed was referred to as "peepee snatch".

 

[Hoji]

 

[Davetex]

How'bout them cowboys???

 

[Moonpie]

Thank god for vodak.

 

[Younggun]

Hated the guys who took their piss collecting seriously in the army. Most would just stand by the sink but there was always one who would stare longingly at your pecked while you filled the cup. Back then it was don’t ask, don’t tell so. I always wondered if “that guy” would volunteer.



At my current job there are 3 piss tests when hiring. Or were before the last buyout. One with the colored strip when you got to orientation. Another with the colored strip before you went to get your physical. And then a real one that gets sent off at the physical. Fail any of them and you’re out.

Guys had been bringing donor piss to pass the test so the company added 2 pre-screening tests in an effort to knock them out before paying for the real test and physical.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk