Motorcycle jokes.

The #1 community for Gun Owners in Texas

Member Benefits:

  • Fewer Ads!
  • Discuss all aspects of firearm ownership
  • Discuss anti-gun legislation
  • Buy, sell, and trade in the classified section
  • Chat with Local gun shops, ranges, trainers & other businesses
  • Discover free outdoor shooting areas
  • View up to date on firearm-related events
  • Share photos & video with other members
  • ...and so much more!
  • Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    Stealing these from all over the Internet. Been getting a kick out of them.


    Cold Biker

    The biker was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons.

    Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy,"I can't drive cold like this anymore with the air hitting me in my chest."

    After thinking for a while he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the cold air from hitting him.

    So they were driving down the road and they came around this curb and wrecked. The farmer that lived there called the police and told
    them what happened.

    The police asked him,"are either of them showing any life signs?"

    The farmer then said, "well, that first one was 'til I turned his head around the right way."
    Capitol Armory ad
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    Unlucky Biker

    A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway.

    While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window and says, "Yes?" The bike responds, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?" The driver says, "No I haven't."

    The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window and says, "Yes?" The bike responds, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?" The driver says, "No I haven't."

    Then, suddenly, there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker. Covered in blood and surely dying, the biker asks, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?" The man replies, "Yes I have. I had a Honda for 20 years". The biker asks, "Where are the brakes?"
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    1- Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don’t Wave Back.

    10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty.

    9. Leather and studs make it too heavy to raise arm.

    8. Refuse to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.

    7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.

    6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.

    5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.

    4. Just discovered the fine print in owner’s manual and realized H-D is partially owned by Honda.

    3. Can’t tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.

    2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet.

    1. They’re too tired from spending hours polishing all that chrome to lift their arms.


    Bonus: Don't want to drop their tools.
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Don’t Wave Back.

    10. Wasn’t sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture.

    9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip.

    8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm.

    7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.

    6. The espresso machine just finished.

    5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved.

    4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and accessories dealer.

    3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen.

    2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation system.

    1. Couldn’t find the “auto wave back” button on dashboard.
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    Top 10 Reasons Sport bikers Don’t Wave At All.

    10. They have not been riding long enough to know they’re supposed to.

    9. They’re going too fast to have time enough to register the movement and respond.

    8. You weren’t wearing bright enough gear.

    7. If they stick their arm out going that fast they’ll rip it out of the socket.

    6. They’re too occupied with trying to get rid of their chicken strips.

    5. They look way too cool with both hands on the bars or they don’t want to unbalance themselves while standing on the tank.

    4. Their skin tight-Kevlar-ballistic-nylon-kangaroo-leather suits prevent any position other than fetal.

    3. Raising an arm allows bugs into the armholes of their tank tops.

    2. It’s too hard to do one-handed stoppies.

    1. They were too busy slipping their flip-flop back on.
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    Top Ten Reasons Why BMW Riders Don’t Wave Back.

    10. New Aerostich suit too stiff to raise arm.

    9. Removing a hand from the bars is considered “bad form.”

    8. Your bike isn’t weird enough looking to justify acknowledgment.

    7. Too sore from an 800-mile day on a stock “comfort” seat.

    6. Too busy programming the GPS, monitoring radar, listening to ipod, XM, or talking on the cell phone.

    5. He’s an Iron Butt rider and you’re not!.

    4. Wires from Gerbings is too short.

    3. You’re not riding the “right kind” of BMW.

    2. You haven’t been properly introduced.

    1. Afraid it will be misinterpreted as a friendly gesture
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    Why don't you ever see rust on a Harley?

    The oil leaking out of the engine is a natural rust preventative.
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    Harley Davidson: the most efficient method of converting gasoline in to noise without those pesky side effects of horsepower.
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    A biker pulls up next to a little boy and says " Hey, why don't you get on the back and we'll go for a ride?" The littleboy tells the biker "No thanks" and walks away.

    Biker pulls up next to the boy again and says " Hey, if you get on the back and go for a ride with me, I'll give you $10 dollars" and the boy say "No way, get lost" and walks away.

    Biker pulls up next to the boy a third time and says, " If you get on the back and go for a ride with me I give you $50 Dollars and a big bag of candy." and the boy tells the biker, "Dad you bought the Yamaha, now you ride it!"
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    Race with a Harley

    I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of mountain road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that say "MAX SPEED 50 KPH".

    I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where
    handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

    I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering. Three corners later, I was on his mudguard. Catching him was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

    Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly
    got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but
    when we came out he'd get on the throttle and out-power me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me
    more determined than ever.

    My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of
    his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

    But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the
    canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

    Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of Brit iron.

    I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedaled so hard in my life. And, some of the credit must go to Raleigh cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    At a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers of Johnson outboard marine engines and other recreational equipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcycles designed to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson.

    Peter Long, Johnson brands marketing manager said, "We have studied the market and determined that Harley, while highly successful, has narrowly missed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers". Long added, "We at Johnson are convinced that our product hits the target dead center and promises to draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a way no other motorcycle has been able to accomplish".

    The new line of bikes, marketed under the name Big Johnson Motorcycles, will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised. "Our research show that this, a Big Johnson, is what Harley buyers are really after".

    At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley owners agreed. "When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a Big Johnson," said one Harley owner." But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacement for having a Big Johnson."

    Manager Long also said that his company would follow the lead of Harley-Davidson and cash in on a huge market for non-motorcycle related products. "We realize that not every guy can have a Big Johnson," said Long, "But image is very important to people. If they don't have a Big Johnson, they at least want to project the image of having one."

    Asked if he anticipated Big Johnsons showing up in the hands of Harley owners, Long said it was unlikely. "I just don't see the need to have a Harley if you have a Big Johnson," he said. "And I can't imagine someone who spends all their resources to acquire a Harley having a Big Johnson. I think it boils down to this - You either have a Harley, or you have a Big Johnson, but you are not likely to have both." "Given the choice," said Long, "I think most guys will opt for the Big Johnson."

    Another force driving sales for the company will come from women. A survey of the wives and girlfriends of nearly 1,000 potential motorcycle buyers indicates less than 5% would approve of their partner spending $15,000 on a Harley Davidson. But, when asked if they would be willing to pay the same amount of money to get their partner a Big Johnson, nearly 4 out 5 thought that would be money well spent.

    One female present at the product unveiling was quoted as saying, "There is no way I will let Lonnie drop 15 grand on another one of those Harleys, but 15 grand to get him a Big Johnson? Well, that's something we could both enjoy, and it's something he really needs."

    Carla Roundheel, manager of the dealership network now being established, said her motto is simple. "I service what we sell." Big Johnson Motorcycles will be traded on the New York stock exchange under the abbreviation PNSNV.
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike, the dealer asks if he would like some extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he does not have the extra money, and is now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet. The dealer tells him not to worry. There is an old biker trick that will keep the chrome like new. All he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains - and everything will be fine. The young man happily pays for the bike and leaves.

    A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointment time, he picks her up on his new Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

    After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses the woman in front of her family. And no one says a word.......

    Next he decides to take a more direct approach, so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. And no one says a word.......

    Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. And no one says a word........

    By now he is getting very worried and is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his new Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.

    And the father says "Never mind! I'll do the dishes!"
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
    She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
    She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
    The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
    The little old lady says "Yea, that’s my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
    The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
    The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
    The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
    The little old lady says "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
     

    Younggun

    Certified Jackass
    TGT Supporter
    Local Business Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jul 31, 2011
    53,609
    96
    hill co.
    A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the

    country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.

    As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

    COLD BEER: $2. 00

    HAMBURGER: $2. 25

    CHEESEBURGER: $2. 50

    CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3. 50

    HAND JOB: $50. 00

    Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of

    sun-wrinkled farmers.

    She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

    "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"

    The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

    She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".

    The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".
     
    Top Bottom