Sunday Joke Thread

[Charlie]

My friend Bubba was driving down a rural back road in North Florida. A sign in front of a restaurant reads:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer

"Lordy mercy!" he says to himself, "Them's my three favorites."

 

[texasnurse]

There were three Aggies huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled,
"Yeah, 45! 45!" The bartender goes down to them and asks, "45? What are you guys so excited about?"
One of the Aggies speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!"




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[robertc1024]

lol from a t-sip. I love my aggie friends.

 

[rsayloriii]

There were three Aggies huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled,
"Yeah, 45! 45!" The bartender goes down to them and asks, "45? What are you guys so excited about?"
One of the Aggies speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!"




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I thought this was supposed to be a joke thread?

 

[texasnurse]

A student from Texas A&M, a student from The University of Texas, and a pig were in the hospital waiting room, each awaiting the birth of his firstborn. Suddenly, the lights went out. Fortunately, power was
restored shortly thereafter and the head nurse made her way to the waiting room.

"Good news and bad news, gentlemen and pig," she announced. "Despite the electrical outage, two healthy young boys and one healthy piglet have been delivered. "However, since the lights went out at the most
inopportune time, we aren't sure which firstborn belongs to whom. The only way we know to resolve the problem is to draw straws and have the winner choose first."

The three proud papas agreed, and the Longhorn won the drawing. He was escorted into the delivery room and looked at the three newborns for a painstakingly long time. Finally, with head bowed, he scooped up the
piglet and headed for the door.

"Sir, are you quite certain that you've made the right choice?" the nurse asked.

"No, I'm not," replied the Longhorn. "But I just couldn't take the chance of choosing the Aggie."


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[AustinN4]

Saw an Aggie holding a pig up to an apple tree so it could eat apples.

I walked up and asked the Aggie if doing it that way didn't take a long time.

The Aggie thought for a moment, then said "Yeah, but what's time to a pig?"

 

[texasnurse]

An Aggie and a Longhorn are in hell. The Longhorn is chained to an ugly old woman and the Aggie is chained to Pamela Anderson. The devil comes in and tells the two unfortunate souls that they will be in this situation for eternity. The Longhorn asks the devil why he is chained to the ugly old woman. The devil replies, "this is your punishment for being so mean to all those Aggies over the years." The Longhorn then asks, " if this is hell, why does the Aggie get to be chained to Pamela Anderson"?
To which the devil replies, "That's Pamela Anderson's punishment"!




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[MikePotts]

A VERY 'well-to-do' attorney's wife is 7 months pregnant, her husband is dealing with a big case in a distant State.

Unfortunately it becomes obvious that the baby is about to make it's appearance much earlier and more urgently than expected, she 'phones for her husband to fly back on the next available flight and rushes herself off to the hospital.

She is surrounded by the City's finest gynaecological team in the delivery room and the baby starts to make it's appearance.

"Oh my goodness" shouts the Doctor in charge "Mrs. Rabinowitz!, Mrs. Rabinowitz! this baby is black!"

"Lord save me" replies his patient "I swear to God I only went with our chauffeur ONE TIME! ONE TIME! what shall I do?"

The baby continues it's progress:

"Mrs. Rabinowitz this baby's chest is obviously Asian!"

"Oh No, No, No!" cries Mrs. Rabinowitz "One time, I swear I only went with our Chinese Chef ONE TIME! what am I going to do, my husband will divorce me?!"

The baby's belly and "nether regions" appear and have remarkable muscular definition and a golden tan - not to mention a very sizeable appendage, this is described to an astonished Mrs. Rabinowitz.

"What is to become of me!" she wails "I swear I only went with that Mike Potts the Handyman one time, ONE TIME!! my husband will kill me!"

The baby makes it all the way out..............but has brown legs.

"Mrs. Rabinowitz! the rest of this baby appears to be Mexican!"

"No, No, No, it can't BE, I swear I only went with Juan the gardener One time..........one time! What can I do?, my husband will be back in only a couple of hours!!"

The doctor cuts the cord, holds the boy upside down and smacks his backside, the baby begins to cry.

"Oh thank God, Thank God!" shrieks an obviously delighted Mrs. Rabinowitz.

"Thank God??!" says the Doctor "You've been cheating on your husband with all these other men! - you have this mullti-coloured baby to prove it! your husband will be here in just a few minutes and probably divorce you and yet you say Thank God!"

"Yes" she says, a little shamefaced.
















"Thank God it didn't bark!"

 

[Rebel]

I thought this was supposed to be a joke thread?

See, the joke was that it only took them 45 days...

 

[jrbfishn]

I don't think that is what he meant....

from an idgit coffeeholic

 

[texasnurse]

An Aggie got a job at an east Texas sawmill. Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked
how he lost it, he replied, "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...Damn! There goes another one!"


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[shortround]

What do you call an Aggie after two years on the job?

Boss

 

[shortround]

An Aggie and a T-Sipper were standing next to each other at the urinals.

The Aggie finishes first, then walks out the door.

The T-Sipper yells "Hey Aggie, did your mother not teach you to wash your hands after taking a leak?"

"No, says the Aggie ... My mom told me not to pi$$ on my fingers."

 

[BRD@66]

After yell practice in Austin one year, a group of Longhorns came across an Aggie jumping up and down on a manhole cover in the middle of 6th Street yelling 18,18,18!. One Longhorn asked him what he was doing and the Aggie jumped
real high again and yelled 18!. So the T'sipper asked him again and the Aggie
convinced him to try it, "it's fun!" he said.
So the T'sipper jumped and yelled 18.
The Aggie told him to jump HIGHER and yell LOUDER. The T'sipper jumped REAL high and said 18.
The Aggie said he had to jump higher and yell LOUDER.
So the Longhorn jumped REAL HIGH and yelled REAL LOUD "18!".
At that moment, the Aggie YANKED the manhole cover out of the way, the Longhorn dropped into the sewer, and the
Aggie returned the cover to it's place and jumped from it yelling "19,19,19!".

 

[texasnurse]

The Aggies were playing Baylor. It was near the end of the game and Baylor was ahead by 4. Someone threw a firecracker and the Bears thought it was the gun and ran off the field celebrating.
Three plays later the Aggies scored and won!!


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[Hoji]

Retired Navy Master Chief is at a job interview.

Interviewer asks him, "What is your biggest character flaw?"

The Chief responds "Honesty."

The interviewer says "I don't think honesty is really a character flaw."

The Chief replies " I really don't give a shit what you think."

 

[Younggun]

You need to check your calendar.


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[texasnurse]

Retired Navy Master Chief is at a job interview.

Interviewer asks him, "What is your biggest character flaw?"

The Chief responds "Honesty."

The interviewer says "I don't think honesty is really a character flaw."

The Chief replies " I really don't give a shit what you think."

Hoji...the ultimate Aggie joke


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[Hoji]

You need to check your calendar.


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Nope. I really don't give a shit what day it is.

 

[Younggun]

Nope. I really don't give a shit what day it is.

You sound a little wound up. You should try vaping.


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