The great Obama Jokes only thread. lets keep it alive

[kusai]

Ok I will start



One sunny day in January, 2017, an old man approaches the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He speaks to the U.S. Marine standing guard and says, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.” The Marine looks at the man and says, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here. ”The old man says, "Okay,” and walks away.

The following day the same man approaches the White House and says to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.” The Marine again tells the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here.” The man thanks him and again just walks away.

The third day the same man approaches the White House and speaks to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.” The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looks at the man and says, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I’ve told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?”

The old man looks at the Marine and says,"Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.” The Marine snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "See you tomorrow, Sir!”

 

[Army 1911]

How about this one?\
"If you like your insurance, you can keep it."

Jokes on us.

 

[shortround]

On a fund raising tour through the Texas Hill Country on a hot and humid August day, Barry visited a ranch. He was a bit thirsty, so he walked up to a stock tank and wanted to shovel some water into his mouth. The Rancher, a fifth generation German warned the President: "Herr Obama, Bitte Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, denn Die Kuehe haben in das Wasser Geschissen." (Mr. President, please don't drink the water because the cows just shat in it).

Barry looked at the rancher with a silly look and said, "Hey I'm not here to talk German, just to raise money for my reelection."

The Rancher then switched to English and told Hussein: "Drink all you want Mr. Obama, it IS very good water."

 

[TreyG-20]

Obama walks into Chase Bank and says to the teller, “Good morning, could you cash this check for me”? “It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?” She replies. Obama says, “sorry, I didn’t think I needed to bring it with me after all I am the president!” The teller tells him, “yes sir, I know who you are but with all the government regulations I need that ID. But look, this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank lobby into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and we cashed his check. So, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?” Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says,”honestly, nothing comes to mind. I can’t think of a single thing I can do.” The teller turns to him and says, ”great, will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?”

 

[TreyG-20]

President Obama, the First Lady and Joe Biden were riding on a plane. Barack looked at Michelle, laughed and said, “You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.” Michelle shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw 10 $100.00 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.” Biden added, “That being the case, I could throw a 100 $100.00 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.” Hearing their conversation, the pilot smirked, turned to the co-pilot and said, “Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could dump them all out of the window and make millions of people very, very happy.”