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Today's Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Rants and Raves' started by Charlie, Oct 9, 2018.

  1. Charlie

    Charlie TGT Addict TGT Supporter

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    8:00 I made a snowman.
    8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
    8:15 So, I made a snow woman.
    8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
    8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
    8:22 The transgender ma/wom/person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
    8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
    8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
    8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.
    8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended.
    8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
    8:43 The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
    8:45 TV news crew shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
    9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
    9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services.
    9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.

    Moral: There is no moral to this story.
    It's just the world in which we live today... and it is going to get crazier.
     


  2. Vaquero

    Vaquero Pre-ban

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    Bullshit.
    Snowmen don't last that long in Texas.
     
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  3. Charlie

    Charlie TGT Addict TGT Supporter

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    Well, it involved a lot of liberal BS so maybe it wasn't in Texas? :banana:
     
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  4. Vaquero

    Vaquero Pre-ban

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    Heh
     
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  5. artemiop

    artemiop New Member

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    A man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink. He then notices a jar that is full of money. The man asks the bartender what the jar is for.

    The bartender then says that he has a donkey in the back room and "if anyone can make him him laugh they win the money. If not they owe me 100 dollars."

    The man says, "I can do it!" So he goes into the back room and about 5 minutes later the bartender hears the donkey laughing out loud. The man walks out and takes the money from the jar, thanks the bartender, and leaves.

    About a month later the man comes back into the bar and there is a new jar of money. The man asks the bartender what the new jar of money is for.

    The bartender looks at the man and says, "if you can make the donkey cry the money is yours, if not you owe me 100 dollars." The man says, "ok I'll do it!"

    He walks into the back room and about 2 minutes goes by when the bartender hears the donkey crying. The man walks out and grabs the money out of the jar, but before the man leaves the bartender asks, "How did you make the donkey laugh?"

    The man looks at the bartender and says, "Well the first time I told the donkey that I had a bigger pecker then he did".

    "How did you make him cry?" asks the bartender?
    "Well I showed him."
     
  6. Just Geri

    Just Geri Well-Known Forum Sponsor

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    Welcome to TGT!
     
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  7. artemiop

    artemiop New Member

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    Thanks man its good to be in a place with like-minded individuals.
     
  8. Vaquero

    Vaquero Pre-ban

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    Little Larry the Fighter Pilot

    A 5th grade teacher asks the kids in her class,"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

    Little Larry says, "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while... banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

    The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply continue with the lesson."And how about you, Sarah?"

    "I wanna be Larry's Whore."
     
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  9. artemiop

    artemiop New Member

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    Hell i want to be larrys whore
     
  10. artemiop

    artemiop New Member

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    A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
     


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