Today's Joke Thread
- Thread starter Charlie
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A woman goes to her gynecologist, who settles her in and begins the exam, saying, "You've got the biggest vagina I've ever seen in my life. You've got the biggest vagina I've ever seen in my life."
The woman say's "You didn't have to say it twice "
The doctor says, "I didn't."
The woman say's "You didn't have to say it twice "
The doctor says, "I didn't."
Both of my parents are buried there!! Mom was from Mexia and Dad was from Teague. Spent most of my youth working on my Grandparents ranch outside of Robbins.
IRS AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and
does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen beers every Saturday night so he can cope with life.
He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
IRS AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know?"
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Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and
does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen beers every Saturday night so he can cope with life.
He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
IRS AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know?"
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
A pediatrician, a lawyer, and a priest were on the Titanic when it started to sink.
The pediatrician said “save the children!”
The lawyer said “f*** the children!”
The priest said “do we have time?”
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
The pediatrician said “save the children!”
The lawyer said “f*** the children!”
The priest said “do we have time?”
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Two bored male casino dealers are waiting
at the craps table. A very attractive blond
woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a
single roll of the dice
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals,"YES! YES! I WON, I
WON!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departs.
The dealers stare at each other
dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks,
"What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
at the craps table. A very attractive blond
woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a
single roll of the dice
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals,"YES! YES! I WON, I
WON!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departs.
The dealers stare at each other
dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks,
"What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman slaps him violently on the face, punches him in the stomach, twists his ankle and when she is about to start kicking him, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. The woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? " "No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
General Zod
TGT Addict
Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.
Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.
Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.
