Oldie but a goodie...
> My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me
> to time an egg.
>
> It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips,
> yet she won't drink from my glass!
>
> Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
> negligee. The only trouble was....she was coming home.
>
> A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home". I
> went over. Nobody was home!
>
> A hooker once told me she had a headache.
>
> I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
>
> If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
>
> I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are
> you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate
> my self now."
>
> I knew a girl so ugly, they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
>
> My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen
> the roaches hang themselves.
>
> I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
> mooning.
>
> The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked
> him, "Why?". He said, "Because you came home early."
>
> I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
> Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
>
> My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
> Chicago last night.
>
> My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't
> of had anything to play with.
> My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me
> to time an egg.
>
> It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips,
> yet she won't drink from my glass!
>
> Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
> negligee. The only trouble was....she was coming home.
>
> A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home". I
> went over. Nobody was home!
>
> A hooker once told me she had a headache.
>
> I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
>
> If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
>
> I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are
> you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate
> my self now."
>
> I knew a girl so ugly, they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
>
> My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen
> the roaches hang themselves.
>
> I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
> mooning.
>
> The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked
> him, "Why?". He said, "Because you came home early."
>
> I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
> Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
>
> My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
> Chicago last night.
>
> My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't
> of had anything to play with.