Oldie but a goodie... > My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me > to time an egg. > > It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, > yet she won't drink from my glass! > > Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy > negligee. The only trouble was....she was coming home. > > A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home". I > went over. Nobody was home! > > A hooker once told me she had a headache. > > I went to a massage parlor. It was self service. > > If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. > > I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are > you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate > my self now." > > I knew a girl so ugly, they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders. > > My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen > the roaches hang themselves. > > I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for > mooning. > > The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked > him, "Why?". He said, "Because you came home early." > > I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the > Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling. > > My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from > Chicago last night. > > My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't > of had anything to play with.