.png)
You might be surprised how useful those things can be. I've told this story before so long-time readers should skip the rest of this post.
Pre-9/11, I flew all the time and got pulled out for a special search almost every time. The details are unimportant; suffice it to say I tended to look a little scary back in those days.
I got tired of it.
I went out and bought the biggest, most realistic dildo I could find. It was over a foot long and thick as your wrist. I packed it right on top of my belongings so that when you unzipped the main compartment of my carry-on, it practically jumped out at you.
The first time I used it was coming back from Cincinnati. There's a baggage/ticket check station at one terminal with a handwashing station close by. I got pulled out of line for an enhanced search, as expected. The little old lady assigned to do the search opened my bag, screamed, slammed it shut, and ran to the handwashing station. One of her co-workers was a little confused at her reaction and communicated with her. She just had the guy put me through, immediately, without the search.
I'd guess I went through another dozen enhanced searches before 9/11 caused procedural changes. I don't think a single one of them lasted more than 20 seconds.
