I hate being a disabled vet

[grasshopperglock]

It turns my stomach. I can't stand crowds. I'm sick to death of feeling others are out to hurt me. I'm tired of constantly thinking unknown people hold weapons for no other reason to but to hurt me.


I'm tired of constantly thinking in tactical terms. Even at Wal-Mart. I count people in the parking lot. Inside the store. I'm constantly planning how to survive.

I park, I think, I plan like every day is my last.


I have no feelings. I'm hollow. I have no compassion. No remorse. Feelings of love, belonging, empathy....escape me. I'm a robot. Cold as steel.


I've been trained to kill. I've been trained in the most horrible things. It's all I fucking feel.



I have panic attacks that make most folks piss their pants.




I'm sooo fucking tired of it all. I'm tired of fighting the thoughts.




I was a soldier. A lethal walking machine. Now, I waller in some kind of self fight of who I am.



I yet again get to beg for help on the the first. Contract doctor to the VA. I get to explain the demons. I get to explain it all.



****, life's rough. I carry on. My children, my past loves. The world is cold to me.



I'm so very tired of it all. I want my life back. I want to feel human. I want to enjoy this world and life.



I was trained to kill on order. A life that's not easy to leave.



Gotdamn VA doctors. More begging, more memories best forgotten. Yet, I get to regurgitate it all for the sake of asking for help.....from the very people that held my leash.



Fucking-A. Life's moves on and this planet still turns. No matter how much I scream.



I'm a soldier with no war to fight.

 

[grasshopperglock]

Love your soldiers for all they've given. Cause they never be the same.

 

[A.Texas.Yankee]

I can't emphasis with you because I am lucky I have those like you who fight for those like me. You are fighting a whole new war, soldier. One you weren't trained on; Life. Stay strong, find the help and comfort you need here, knowing we can provide you with words of support. Words of sorrow, words of happiness, words of life worth living. Fight on brother. We got you.

 

[robertc1024]

Hang in there bud. I never served, but my respect for those who did is off the chart.

 

[vmax]

Find someone to talk to
Someone NOT with the VA if you can help it

I quit going there , I dont want anything they are seliing

Someone on TGT will likely be able to meet up with you and get you in the right path
God bless and prayers

 

[jetcycles]

thank you for your service to this country. . .I'm down to chat if you ever need!

 

[Dawico]

Hang in there bud. I never served, but my respect for those who did is off the chart.

This.

 

[Mexican_Hippie]

GHG I'm praying for you. Hang in there, man.

 

[kyletxria1911a1]

Im there also my man i know the feeling..
Just like the Drill said drive on the win is over that hill!!!
I know but we have to keep driving on

 

[ZX9RCAM]

I had never been able to wrap my head around PTSD, this makes it real to me.
I can't imagine what it must be like.
So sorry people have to live this way in order for me to be able to live like I do.

Thank you....

 

[Governors20]

go to dysfunctional veterans on Facebook. A lot of people with the same issues are posting there and that's a good place to get help. At a minimum you will laugh at all the stuff posted on the page

 

[kyletxria1911a1]

Much love to you my brother from us in kyle

 

[Se7en62]

Respect. Talking about issues is half the battle. Keep talking man. We are all ears. God Bless.

 

[Coop45]

VetCenter

 

[V-Tach]

You have more friends than you know...........never, never give up....

 

[grasshopperglock]

You have more friends than you know...........never, never give up....

I'm not giving up. I'm waaaay too hard headed. You'll never know how strong you are, until you're tested.

I never confuse frustration for depression. Life may have some irritating aspects but rainy days are always followed by sunny ones. It's also a good time to go fishing.

 

[grasshopperglock]

Since the VA can't even take a correct piss without missing the bowl. They've hired private contractors to deal with the back log. What back logs they haven't shredded or simply thrown in the trash.


The contractor company is called, "Veterans Evaluation Services" (VES).


Website, vesservices.com

 

[grasshopperglock]

Since the VA can't even take a correct piss without missing the bowl. They've hired private contractors to deal with the back log. What back logs they haven't shredded or simply thrown in the trash.


The contractor company is called, "Veterans Evaluation Services" (VES).


Come the 1st, I'm gonna see who exactly my government hired to do the job they can't do.


Website, vesservices.com

 

[Mike1234567]

GHG... my heart reaches out to you. I don't know what internal or external demons your fighting. I can only share that I've known plenty of folks who never served in the military but have their own demons to battle. I'm one of them. At least you have the VA to help you. Many folks have lesser or zero resources to lean on. Take advantage of the resources offered to you. They're better than having nothing and no one.

 

[karlac]

Since the VA can't even take a correct piss without missing the bowl. They've hired private contractors to deal with the back log. What back logs they haven't shredded or simply thrown in the trash.
The contractor company is called, "Veterans Evaluation Services" (VES).

Come the 1st, I'm gonna see who exactly my government hired to do the job they can't do.

Website, vesservices.com

Feel your pain brother, you're not alone. Hang in there.
My experience with VES here in Houston was very positive.
Much better attitude than the VA, and many of the folks I dealt with were Vets.
Certainly hope your experience mirrors mine.