A proposed Divorce Agreement

TxPhantom

Active Member
Apr 5, 2008
574
38
Frisco, Texas
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, Jane Fonda and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & traitor Jane Fonda with you.


P.P.S Of course you could not forget to take along Pelosi as leader
of the gang of disloyal Americans!
 

Vellcrow

Active Member
Aug 8, 2008
406
18
Pflugerville
In all seriousness, I really wonder when it will come down to something like this. America is too divided and with our population growing so fast (illegal or otherwise), it will get harder and harder to find a middle ground that will please the majority on a massive scale.
 

idleprocess

Active Member
Feb 29, 2008
450
16
DFW.com
The divisions in America now - while not pleasant - are not terribly severe. Nothing like a little schism in the early-mid 1860s you may have heard (mostly read) about.
 

midnightrider

Member
Mar 6, 2008
132
16
I would not give them (liberals) 1/2 the country they didn't earn it. Besides, they can get land grants in Mexico, Venezuela, Cuba, or anywhere else a commie dictator rules. There's always room for more peasants and field hands and since they support the illegals I'm sure that the illegals would return the favor.
 

Rob1796

Member
Sep 17, 2008
124
16
Colleyville
I agree with most of it, but can I at least keep my buddies Scooby? Full turbo back, about 25 lbs of boost and other fun tuning goodies, meth injection, bout to go bigger turbo...
 

Rob1796

Member
Sep 17, 2008
124
16
Colleyville
he is talking about a turbo-charged, all wheel drive subaru with a turbo- back exhaust, 25 psi of boost from the turbo, methanol injection to cool the intercooler, or the incoming air (most-likely) and swapping to a turbo that pushes more cfm than the VERY restrictive factory turbo, other than that, a fun toy with a few mods...
You got it. I just noted the comment about Subaru wagons, and I like my buddy's Subaru.
 

Rhino

Well-Known
Jan 22, 2009
1,198
113
DFW Area
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
As far as I'm concerned they can keep their "Battle Hymn"...

Rhino
 

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