Everyday Joke Thread

[Charlie]

A drunk was in front of a judge.

The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

 

[Charlie]

Sex in the Shower
In a recent survey carried out for the leading toiletries firm 'Brut', people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!
In the survey, 86% of Chicago's inner city residents (almost all of whom are registered DEMOCRATS) say that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.
Sort of brings a tear to your eye.

 

[Sam7sf]

How do you know when tweakers are having sex? Both of them are looking threw the blinds while ones on top.

 

[Charlie]

I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.

 

[Charlie]

Picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car was extremely unlikely.

 

[Psssniper]

In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.


One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock (cow) pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted:"Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."


This means: “Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh_t in it."


The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Joe Biden. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."

The rancher replied: "Use both hands."