Good Read From Another Board

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by inman, Jul 29, 2008.

  1. inman

    inman New Member

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    Apr 10, 2008
    Dallas
    For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is a condensed version.


    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were:

    1. The invention of beer, and
    2. The invention of the wheel.


    The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.

    These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

    1. Liberals
    2. Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

    Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, golfers, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history.

    It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

    A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers..
     


  2. mac79912

    mac79912 Well-Known

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    Mar 4, 2008
    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  3. sharky47

    sharky47 Active Member

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    May 4, 2008
    Nowadays, "conservatives" create agencies like homeland stupidy and TSA, they vote for things like the unPatriot Act and the veteran's disarmament bill. Our "conservative" president says he will sign any gun control bill that hits his desk........and so on.......

    "Liberals" raise taxes and make a stink about gay marriage, now matter that taxes are theft and the state should not be in the marriage business at all. They give your money to people that "need" it.......and so on......


    Ok, now I am confused - who are the "good guys"?, because I am hard pressed to find much a difference these days........I got f*#ked during the Clinton years and I am continuing to be f*#ked during the Bush years.........and I KNOW I will be f*#ked with either BHO or Mcain.

    Where is the check box on the ballot for "none of the above"? I am ready to send a clear vote of no confidence.....
     
  4. kville79

    kville79 Active Member

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    May 24, 2008
    Austin
    Sharky I agree... there are more disaffected republicans and democrats today than there have been in a long time... thats why I've been leaning towards Libertarianism.
     
  5. Fisherman777

    Fisherman777 Well-Known

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    Jan 15, 2009
    45R
    Hey cats! I was just browsing old threads and found this jewel. If evilution were real, it would look something like the chart in the pic below. You dig? ;)

    musicalevolution-sm.jpg
     

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