Looking to move to Austin...

[Glockster69]

LOL, I'll take advice from someone from your part of Louisiana when our bat overlords in central Texas tell me it's ok to do so.

I'm not surprised you need to be told what to do. You need a geography class too.

 

[zincwarrior]

Did I mention Austin is running out of water? We have a backup plan to dam the Gulf of Mexico though.

 

[Se7en62]

LOL, I'll take advice from someone from your part of Louisiana when our bat overlords in central Texas tell me it's ok to do so.

ALSO, everyone is forgetting to tell OP about the worst part of it all:

There are people driving V12 4x4s everywhere!!!

Also, please see the attached picture from my car at 5am this morning

You might also notice that his fuel tank is only filled just past half tank. That's to reduce liquid asset losses in the case your vehicle is stolen. A car is stolen in Austin every 2 minutes and most are used to fairy drugs, cartel members, and men named Mohammed from Mexico into Texas. We have had two terrorist attacks on Texas soil in a year, the last one was a crazy lunatic who walked into the Omni Downtown and just unleashed all hell, and the last time a tax man got his numbers wrong, a guy flew his own airplane into the SOB's office window (look them up.) Things are crazy here...like 3rd World crazy. San Diego is probably a haven compared to ALL of Texas, especially Austin.

That said, ignore these traitors giving you advice saying it's not bad, and "you're welcome to come on down and join your Kommiefornia breathern in Texas". You aren't. Anyone who hears you're a BLUE voter from Kommiefornia, regardless of age, will immediately slap you in the face with their riding glove and challenge you to a duel at high noon. I once watched a toddler gun down a Californian man out front of a Walmart for not holding the door open for his mother, while a mixed bag of folks watched on like it was St. Patrick's Day. It's common theater for us Texans, because everyone knows Communists (aka Liberals) can't shoot...that's why they all lose every war they've ever been in.

As another of my Republican Compatriots mentioned property taxes: Prepare to have your a$$ handed to you with property taxes. You might THINK as a Kommifornian, that you could afford a $1M house in Austin...think again. You'll be in a 94 year old 2bed/1bath 900sqft wooden shack for a shade over $400K; but the city will say it's "prime" and you'll be taxed at 30%/annually; Don't look in the books, because it isn't there...it's just how things work here.

If you've ever been to Italy, it's similar to Texas in that there aren't a lot of expected formalities that are written: Taxes are one of them. Another is chivalry...DO NOT MOVE TO TEXAS IF YOU DON'T PRACTICE CHIVALRY. I won't take the time to "school" you in it, because if you screw up and come across as rude to anyone, they'll slap you in the face and you'll be dueling as previously mentioned. No joke.

Cobra's are definitely a big threat right now. All the recent rains have coaxed them from their burrows and now it's Cobra season; it occurs every 3rd year that doesn't start with a J and end with an R, but not on cycles beginning with T and F. The best you can do is consult your "Living in Texas for Kommies" book and refer to subsection 'Afghan' and "How to Beat The Heat...and Cobra's"...there's a paragraph that starts with "Don't move to Texas..." and you can read from there.

 

[pharmaco]

I'm not surprised you need to be told what to do. You need a geography class too.

Watch out everybody, the feelings police is in the thread!
Better not be politically incorrect or he'll get upset!

(Staymad,nerd)

 

[Se7en62]

Watch out everybody, the feelings police is in the thread!
Better not be politically incorrect or he'll get upset!

(Staymad,nerd)

Can we get back on topic and continue explaining the many cautions a Kalifornian should know before moving to Austin?

 

[pharmaco]

Did I mention Austin is running out of water? We have a backup plan to dam the Gulf of Mexico though.

Luckily our factories are replenishing the water supply by dumping their waste water into our rivers and lakes

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk

 

[Se7en62]

Luckily our factories are replenishing the water supply by dumping their waste water into our rivers and lakes

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk

Excellent point. I did hear about another paddle border who was rushed to the hospital with Facial Scabies last week due to their contact with Town Lake water.

 

[Davetex]

There are hundreds of petro-chem factories along the gulf coast and the sea breeze carries all those pollutants to Central Texas every day. I can hardly breathe anymore.

 

[Davetex]

 

[Davetex]

 

[texas skeeter]

Dave, did that centipede eat your little toe off? lol And seriously to the OP..... I want to see your voter registration card for the last 6 yrs before you make arrangements to move here.

 

[zincwarrior]

Oh and watch out for the vultures. They've been known to carry off children as old as 35. Often they will follow jackalopes. a jackalope will impale you and run off then the vulture will carry you away.

 

[Davetex]

FIRE ANTS!!!!!

 

[Davetex]

Dave, did that centipede eat your little toe off? lol And seriously to the OP..... I want to see your voter registration card for the last 6 yrs before you make arrangements to move here.

No, no it didn't eat it off, it tore it off and carried it away.

 

[Big Dipper]

On a more positive note, you can get sloshed, drive with an open bottle of vodka, get pulled over for DWI, verbally abuse the police who arrest you, plead guilty to a misdemeanor, do 45 days in jail and still keep your job as the DA for the county!

Where else can one be treated so well?

 

[kyletxria1911a1]

On a more positive note, you can get sloshed, drive with an open bottle of vodka, get pulled over for DWI, verbally abuse the police who arrest you, plead guilty to a misdemeanor, do 45 days in jail and still keep your job as the DA for the county!

Where else can one be treated so well?

dammit i loves me some Texas

 

[Se7en62]

OP, on a serious note, that Giant Texas Centipede that Dave just shared is a local species that build huge termite mound looking structures and there can literally be tens of thousands inside each mound. The vibration of your lawn mower can set them off and a bite will leave a oozing horrid black hole in your flesh...if not lead to an amputation. They are 6"-10" long and their legs are actually poisonous as well, so just having one run across bare skin is like lighting yourself on fire.

 

[35Remington]

I can't believe no one has warned him about the Tremors. There was a documentary filmed on the creatures in 1990. One cast member lost his life on camera.

 

[Chupacabra Hunter]

I think ya scared the op... he gone...

 

[Se7en62]

He may have found LibtardedKommiefornians4TexasReform.net. I hear that's a great resource for when you're a Californian planning to move to somewhere outside of California.