Am I being an over the top ex-husband

[RACER X]

I don’t plan on stopping visitation, that’s what somebody said if they didn’t like the fella

It doesn’t matter i like him, that’s her call. I have no bearing on that

But if a background check brings up dirt, then I will let her know

Depending on the dirt (if there is any) I’ll let her now

Depending on the what it is, if nothing is done then I’ll start legal action

I’m no dummy and wouldnt jeopardize my custody of the kids

Their interest always comes in first


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[toddnjoyce]

I’d like ask if you answer, your marital status and whether you have kids, lol

Since you asked and I’ve already replied, here goes.

I’m husband #2. This is my first marriage. She brought a 6 y/o son and 5 y/o daughter from her first marriage.

This was 16 years ago; still married. Kids are both college graduates, one is an Army Officer, one is a school teacher.

Shortly after we married, I adopted the kids. In doing so, we terminated the ex-husband’s parental rights.

During the interim, until we could get the adoption completed, we filed and served protective orders that prevented visitation by the biological father, for a variety of reasons.

 

[jrbfishn]

I was a single parent. 2 of the kids went with me, 1 with her. I got the oldest back.
I have been in your shoes. I know Brains, smart man. And his kid is a doll.
You've gotten good advice. Your choice. But it sounds like you are more looking for confermation on a decision you have already made.
I wish you luck with it.

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[Brains]

If he sticks around I can see that, remember he’s #2 in really like 9-10 mos

I’d like ask if you answer, your marital status and whether you have kids, lol

Consider that she's being choosey, and wanting to not make another mistake and marry the wrong guy! Again.

I am married, have three kids, and my oldest was a package deal with the wife. If you have questions from the kids' perspective, I'd be happy to ask any questions you may have. I'm sure my oldest (he's 19 now) wouldn't mind giving some perspective from that side.

ETA: I've been with my wife since my son was almost 3 years old.

 

[ed308]

Can't say I would act differently than OP. If my spouse and I were split and strange men were around my kids, hell yes I would being doing back ground checks on them. But I would discreet with my investigations.

 

[zincwarrior]

Consider that she's being choosey, and wanting to not make another mistake and marry the wrong guy! Again.

I am married, have three kids, and my oldest was a package deal with the wife. If you have questions from the kids' perspective, I'd be happy to ask any questions you may have. I'm sure my oldest (he's 19 now) wouldn't mind giving some perspective from that side.

ETA: I've been with my wife since my son was almost 3 years old.

I also have a shake and bake family. The oldest is going for his PhD, the youngest is getting her undergrad science degree.

 

[black_ice]

Wife and I have been separated now divorced for 1yr this month

She’s working on her 2nd “serious” B/F in that time frame

No cares given till she has these guys are sleeping over w our kids there

I’ve asked for background checks on these fella’s

12-daughter
8-son

1st guy was a loser in all diff ways, clean record , till she broke up w him, he was arrested for “supposedly” hitting his wife, yes he was separated while seeing my ex, yes we were separated as well.

2nd guy I found out about tonight, he’s a Dr

We have god-parents who act as intermediaries and have helped and even did the check on the first guy

I had found some dirt when she was initially unwilling to let the god parents or I know his name, all the dirt had to do w an unregistered/untitled/un-insured car , along w a fraudulent registration. All the while my kids are riding in this car.

I’m thinking the Dr is more legit, but being a Dr doesn’t mean he isn’t a POS either

Is it over the top for me to ask to have BK check done? that’s really about the extent of what I’d investigate

If she hadn’t had dudes sleep over w kids I wouldn’t have know or cared, as I’ve had female “friends” as well, but none in front of my kids











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[TheDan]

We have joint custody

It’s like I have 51% and she has 49 %

Ah ok, I think I know what you're saying. There's no mandatory visitation, right? That 51% means you have the final say on where your kids go and who they are around.

It's not about "liking" a guy or not; it's about the safety of your kids. You are absolutely justified in telling their mother the kids can't stay the night with unsafe people around. Doesn't matter if it's boyfriends or relatives or what. You're correct in being concerned. Statistically kids have a much higher chance of being abused when they are in a single parent household with other non-related adults in the house. Maybe a compromise could be that she can have them during the day as much as she wants, but they always come back home to their primary domicile (your house) for the night.

If you're worried about her taking you to court over it then maybe having background checks of people you know she allows around the kids might help. Consult a family lawyer for a contingency plan in case it ever goes to court.

Another thing you can do since you have primary domicile is move. Far away. Makes it a lot harder for their mother to just pop and over take the kids. I kept a few states between my daughter and her mother for several years.

 

[RACER X]

Yes, You kinda understand the parenting orders.

But I cannot legally stop them from going there every other week, it’s part of the divorce decree.

The reality is that I have no say (obviously) who she dates, nor when she feels they are worthy to bring home to the kids

Nor do I have any legal recourse to stop the children from going to her house and seeing who she invited over

To stop them would be going against court orders

And the reality is that dude staying over is totally legal, you can’t force morality or child rearing advice. Is she making a bad decision , IMO yes, but it’s her decision and legal to make.


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