Am I being an over the top ex-husband

[diesel1959]

Mind your own business. Your children are old enough to understand that your ex has a life and has moved on. It doesn't make her a slut . . . unless she is.

 

[toddnjoyce]

You are correct, I can ask and she has the right to say no, that doesn’t mean I can’t find out on my own.

And if the kids weren’t involved I’m not concerned w her dating life.

And a check was done her first b/f w her consent. They broke up on their own w no intervention from me


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How are you gaining the PII necessary for this ‘background check’. Do you have consent from the PII to have access and use the PII?

 

[TexasRedneck]

Actually she decided for “us” when she moved out. I even tried reconciling after that and after her first b/f, but at some point I had to move on as well.

The gist of my comment stands, though. It's water under the bridge - and if you aren't careful, you'll do real damage to your OWN self AND to your relationship with your kids. PLEASE hear what I say (and many others here have) - you aren't the first, and unfortunately won't be the last. But you need to take some deep breaths and take SEVERAL steps back.

 

[MTA]

The gist of my comment stands, though. It's water under the bridge - and if you aren't careful, you'll do real damage to your OWN self AND to your relationship with your kids. PLEASE hear what I say (and many others here have) - you aren't the first, and unfortunately won't be the last. But you need to take some deep breaths and take SEVERAL steps back.

I agree.

Also, both adults should focus more on not doing any damage to the kids. Broken homes can make incomplete adults who will then have additional personal issues on top of the host of bullshit they have to deal with in every day life. You should just focus on being an outstanding dad. If you get any red flags about the new boyfriend from the kids (for stuff involving them) then decide whether or not it is something that needs to be hashed out with the police or in a civil court.

TLDR: The best thing you can do for your kids is be an awesome dad. The kids will look to you for guidance if the mom is out acting like a child instead of helping you raise them

 

[jrbfishn]

The gist of my comment stands, though. It's water under the bridge - and if you aren't careful, you'll do real damage to your OWN self AND to your relationship with your kids. PLEASE hear what I say (and many others here have) - you aren't the first, and unfortunately won't be the last. But you need to take some deep breaths and take SEVERAL steps back.

If your kids find out you are meddling in her affairs before they see a problem, and more importantly before the bring it to your attention, you will then become a meddling, resentfull and untrusting person. Not something you want from your kids or to teach them to be.
Tread carefully.

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[zincwarrior]

Lol I just talked w a friend of mine who said I should go intro myself to this fella in a friendly manor and to give him my contact info, JIC there’s an emergency

W a gun on my hip, open carrying lol

Told him that was a bit over the top

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Thats an insanely bad idea. The odds of you ending up in jail / maybe dead and with a TRO (well not if you are dead) against you are high if you do something like that.

 

[Younggun]

I think this is a subject in which many of the posters probably have little or no experience.


I have deep sympathy for the OPs situation and hope it is resolved in a positive way. Sounds like a very tough spot to be in.

 

[zincwarrior]

TLDR: The best thing you can do for your kids is be an awesome dad. The kids will look to you for guidance if the mom is out acting like a child instead of helping you raise them

Now here is true wisdom. Also be the stable dad and stay involved on your time. Kids need stability.

 

[RACER X]

Here's my internet opinion:
She has the right to date dooshbags, and a right to privacy. She has the right to make poor parenting decisions that aren't breaking laws.

Your rights as a parent can't trample her rights.

I do not think the courts will look kindly upon an ex who hires investigators to peer into the personal life of the other. She could paint you as a psycho...who approached her dooshy BF with a gun on his hip (if you heed some advise in this thread).

If the tables were turned, I wouldn't be happy if my ex hired investigators to look into the women of questionable morals that I'd be dating.

The only way you can eliminate her bad parenting decisions, is to get total custody.


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Not going to go hire and investigator or anything of that sort, a basic background check will suffice

I know it would do nothing in the courts unless he’s some kind of child predator

We split the kids 50/50 and I’m the custodial parent. IMO I came out pretty good and really ahead in this sit

And I know the courts won’t do anything unless he’s some sort of perv and if that were the case he prob wouldn’t be a Dr







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[TheDan]

I was given (by her) custodialship of the kids and she pays me child support

Then it's a lot less complicated. You're responsible for the safety of your kids and if you don't approve of the people your ex hangs around then no sleep overs at mom's.

 

[toddnjoyce]

Let me be more blunt. If you’re asking the question, the answer is yes.

 

[TheDan]

We split the kids 50/50 and I’m the custodial parent.

Shit... just read this. She has mandatory visitation? If so, there's not much you can do. Just teach your kids to keep their heads on a swivel and to call you if they ever need any little thing.

 

[RACER X]

Then it's a lot less complicated. You're responsible for the safety of your kids and if you don't approve of the people your ex hangs around then no sleep overs at mom's.

Sorry but that would never fly in the courts


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[RACER X]

Shit... just read this. She has mandatory visitation? If so, there's not much you can do. Just teach your kids to keep their heads on a swivel and to call you if they ever need any little thing.

No, it was as amicable. a split as possible, we used a mediator vs battling atty

And we agreed to 50/50

You can teach kids but that’s doesn’t mean he’s a good guy and won’t do anything

I was at the range, and it’s a private range so only a few of us, I was chatting w the guy in the next and bay and brought this question up and he didn’t feel it was out of line, lol

And I’ve never meet him before


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[TheDan]

Sorry but that would never fly in the courts

Well it does if you have custody. She can't force you to let them stay at her place.

I'm speaking from experience... I did not let my daughter stay with her mom because she's a dirtbag. She couldn't cry about it because I had custody.

 

[Brains]

No, it was as amicable. a split as possible, we used a mediator vs battling atty

And we agreed to 50/50

You can teach kids but that’s doesn’t mean he’s a good guy and won’t do anything

You can't assume the worst about the new guy unless you can also assume the best. You have no information to base your opinion on. Give the dude a shot. Try to make it work, don't work to make it not.

 

[MuscleCarMan]

Wife and I have been separated now divorced for 1yr this month

Is it over the top for me to ask to have BK check done?

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No I think if you didn't do it you would feel worse. Besides it's always best to know for sure

 

[RACER X]

You can't assume the worst about the new guy unless you can also assume the best. You have no information to base your opinion on. Give the dude a shot. Try to make it work, don't work to make it not.

If he sticks around I can see that, remember he’s #2 in really like 9-10 mos

I’d like ask if you answer, your marital status and whether you have kids, lol




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[RACER X]

Well it does if you have custody. She can't force you to let them stay at her place.

I'm speaking from experience... I did not let my daughter stay with her mom because she's a dirtbag. She couldn't cry about it because I had custody.

We have joint custody

It’s like I have 51% and she has 49 %

But they are addressed to my home

She moved out of the family home, last dec, even took a trip over Christmas , so she was not there Christmas Day or even a few days over




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[zincwarrior]

If the visitation is set and you block it she can get orders against you, and will.

You are tap dancing in a minefield.