Debt owed... how to collect

[Jcastaneda1105]

Write the loss off and shut it down. She’s your SD. See if she pays it back or walks away from it. This would guide my future interaction with her.

Over the year I have a hard rule. I don’t loan money that I’m not prepared to never see it again. I know in this case it was a credit card but I’ve had several in the past that borrowed money and never paid me back. I’ve a a couple who actually did but most never paid their debt and al the non payers stopped communicating with me at some point as well. Amazing how some people are.

Agreed. Her decision to not pay will have significant implications moving forward including how much access she’ll have to her step sisters. Hate to say it but I don’t want my daughters spending much time with a thief. Fortunately we’re 1200 miles away and other than the occasional face time there’s little contact.

 

[Mowingmaniac 24/7]

No doubt she thinks she's gotten away scott free, but the day will come when she's in massive debt, (this type always is) and would you pretty please 'loan' her the money she so desperately needs?

That she incurred voluntarily assured someone else down the line will pay for her debt...

That's when you say,"sure, when you pay us what you already owe..."

Then gently hang up the phone.

 

[Ozzman]

To the OP.

She is your daughter bud. Kids can and usually are expensive sometimes and in my experience, they make mistakes all the time. The first step you should have already done is to stop payment on the card and (you guys) start paying the bill. IMO shame on you guys for not following up on your CC expenses. Let me ask you this: would you still be as angry if someone ELSE had stolen the card and racked up a $4000 bill? You were not checking the bills so..... would YOU?

This is an expensive lesson for both you and your wife and a teachable lesson for your SD. Don't let $4k split your family apart. It sounds expensive, but in reality, it is cheap compared to permanently losing your daughter. Keep up the litigation threats and you may never see her or your grandkids again. Not worth it IMO. Man-up, you guys made the mistake of lending the CC out in the first place and you be the one to fix it.

 

[Jcastaneda1105]

To the OP.

She is your daughter bud. Kids can and usually are expensive sometimes and in my experience, they make mistakes all the time. The first step you should have already done is to stop payment on the card and (you guys) start paying the bill. IMO shame on you guys for not following up on your CC expenses. Let me ask you this: would you still be as angry if someone ELSE had stolen the card and racked up a $4000 bill? You were not checking the bills so..... would YOU?

This is an expensive lesson for both you and your wife and a teachable lesson for your SD. Don't let $4k split your family apart. It sounds expensive, but in reality, it is cheap compared to permanently losing your daughter. Keep up the litigation threats and you may never see her or your grandkids again. Not worth it IMO. Man-up, you guys made the mistake of lending the CC out in the first place and you be the one to fix it.

Appreciate your thoughts. To clarify, never did I say we allowed her to use the credit card. She took it without permission, wife should have been checking in it but didn’t.
As for breaking the family, her and I have not gotten along in several years for reasons like these and others.

 

[Sam7sf]

IF the mother gave the daughter the credit card, and she didn't keep track of the purchases, that's on her and doubt the credit card company will consider them fraud charges, and I doubt that LE will file any charges against the daughter.

IMO, this is as much the mother's fault as the daughter's fault. I speak from experience from my second ex-wife's daughter doing some similar things with our finances. I still consider her the step-daughter from hell! I cut her off early when I figured out the game plan. Caused a lot of tension in our marriage. Some of the underlying reasons we ended up divorcing. Nine times out of ten, the mother is going to come running to the daughter's aid, and defense, and will make all sorts of excuses for her.

My best advice, if you are not considering a divorce, separate your finances so that you can make sure the necessary bills are being paid and not dependent upon what the wife is doing to help her daughter. I'd also talk to a lawyer about protecting yourself legally. One of the biggest causes of divorce is over money. Be damn careful you don't end being bled dry.

Now I don’t have to comment. Good post. What I wanted to say.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

Wife didn't give SD credit card.

 

[Sam7sf]

Wife didn't give SD credit card.

That’s still on op and his ol lady.

Sd is a disrespectful something or other for not asking for help and should be cut off from help until she figures her life out.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

That’s still on op and his ol lady.

Sd is a disrespectful something or other for not asking for help and should be cut off from help until she figures her life out.

Evidently they have separate CC accounts, or he would have known.
It's on her mom.

 

[Axxe55]

Wife didn't give SD credit card.

That's what I'm wondering too.

Appreciate your thoughts. To clarify, never did I say we allowed her to use the credit card. She took it without permission, wife should have been checking in it but didn’t.
As for breaking the family, her and I have not gotten along in several years for reasons like these and others.

Did you wife let her use the card or not? The first time, with permission or not? Is the card a joint card or your wife's card?

If the card is jointly owned, then press charges. If not, let your wife worry about it.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

That's what I'm wondering too.



Did you wife let her use the card or not? The first time, with permission or not? Is the card a joint card or your wife's card?

If the card is jointly owned, then press charges. If not, let your wife worry about it.

Answered in post 44.

 

[Axxe55]

That’s still on op and his ol lady.

Sd is a disrespectful something or other for not asking for help and should be cut off from help until she figures her life out.

It's called enabling. Like keep booze around that an alcoholic can get to, and knowing it, but not doing anything to change the situation.

 

[Sam7sf]

Evidently they have separate CC accounts, or he would have known.
It's on her mom.

It’s still on op. jk.

 

[Jcastaneda1105]

That's what I'm wondering too.



Did you wife let her use the card or not? The first time, with permission or not? Is the card a joint card or your wife's card?

If the card is jointly owned, then press charges. If not, let your wife worry about it.

It’s her card under her name. No permission was given. SD had history of taking moms cards and using them. Usually caught quickly when it was the debit card, and often resulted in SD having to ask friends to refund Venmo transfers etc.

overlal as expensive as this has been, and frustrating, I’m glad she’s out of the picture and we’re not financially responsible for her.

 

[Axxe55]

Answered in post 44.

I did read that. But his first post makes it sort of confusing. Excerpt:

To make a long story short. Step daughter (SD) used wife’s credit card to pay for Lyft rides totally around $4000 over a three month period. Wife didn’t catch it as she didn’t use her card other then for work expenses which were reimbursed.

Doesn't specify the circumstances, of used. Loaned? Borrowed? Took without permission?

 

[ZX9RCAM]

I did read that. But his first post makes it sort of confusing. Excerpt:

To make a long story short. Step daughter (SD) used wife’s credit card to pay for Lyft rides totally around $4000 over a three month period. Wife didn’t catch it as she didn’t use her card other then for work expenses which were reimbursed.

Doesn't specify the circumstances, of used. Loaned? Borrowed? Took without permission?

No, it doesn't.

But post 44 does.

 

[deemus]

Even if you take her to court and get a positive judgment, collecting it may be a pain.

Only you (or more precisely, your wife) can decide if it's worth the time, money and emotional investment to try and collect on it or not.

I'd write it off and move on personally. And I know $4,000 is a big chunk of change. And then I'd turn alerts on for that credit card (and all of my others) so that I know when a charge is being made on it.

I was going to suggest getting new cards, all of them. She likely has the numbers if she has used them before. I would bet money she has a pic of the card on her phone.

 

[Axxe55]

It’s her card under her name. No permission was given. SD had history of taking moms cards and using them. Usually caught quickly when it was the debit card, and often resulted in SD having to ask friends to refund Venmo transfers etc.

overlal as expensive as this has been, and frustrating, I’m glad she’s out of the picture and we’re not financially responsible for her.

Just how old is this step-daughter?

If the card is in your wife's name, let her worry about it. She's the only one that can press charges. She obviously knew it was going on if from what you are saying this happened before.

I can tell you from past experience, your wife will never press charges. Exactly why I specified in a previous post to have separate finances. If not, one day you'll wake up and realize you've been drained dry. Had it happen, and seen it happen when involving stepchildren.

 

[Axxe55]

No, it doesn't.

But post 44 does.

I re-read it.

Thanks Cam! I may need more coffee!

 

[SQLGeek]

I was going to suggest getting new cards, all of them. She likely has the numbers if she has used them before. I would bet money she has a pic of the card on her phone.

That too. But I'd still turn alerts on.

 

[baboon]

If it was my $4k I disown & cut the kid out of any inheritance. If any of this $4k was my money the wife would have to make good on it. $4K aint a great sum of money, but it's enough to teach several life lessons!