gaywad pt. II

[TrailDust]

I forgot what he wanted to order, but I made him eat a sandwich. One of my pet peeves is wasted food.

I'm exactly the same way. My daughter knew better than to ever waste food, and litter too.

 

[DCortez]

and litter too.

Don't get me started on littering and respecting other people's property.

 

[GM.Chief]

ZHey DC, how 'bout you get started on littering and respecting other people's property?...lol

 

[TrailDust]

On a relevant note, make sure to take a look at Hawg's new thread in the Rants & Raves forum. Well worth the read for his comments.

 

[android]

At a diner last month, I had a waitress tell me kids should be free to make their own decisions. This was after I shot down my kids order and ordered for him. I asked her if she had any kids ... no. Was she married ... no.

I didn't ask her the most important question ... are you paying?

Why did I take over the kid's meal? Well, our next stop was several hours off. I did not want the kid eating 3 french fries and going around hungry the rest of the day.

So I'm wondering ... how many people out there give their kids free reign to do and say anything they want at school, home, or in public. Am I the only caveman that thinks my roof, my rules? Is it too much to expect parents to parent?

It depends on age and development. You must allow children to make some decisions and face the consequences of those decisions. We allow our daughter to make choices about things that don't include harmful results or bad grades. She can mostly pick food, clothes and entertainment. Of course we have veto power.

Also all kids, especially young girls, needs to learn that "no" will and should be respected. If parents, especially fathers, always argue and change nos to yeses, then it becomes very difficult for girls to say no to sex, drugs and alcohol.

There will come a time when you are not there to make decisions for your kids. Just like hitting 10s, if they haven't had practice doing it, they won't know how.

 

[DCortez]

ZHey DC, how 'bout you get started on littering and respecting other people's property?...lol

Traildust started it

There will come a time when you are not there to make decisions for your kids. Just like hitting 10s, if they haven't had practice doing it, they won't know how.

On making decisions, my view is my kids have choices each and every day. They can be nice, be polite, keep up with their responsibilities, tell the truth, be good sportsmen, etc.. I give them plenty of freedom to do the right thing.

Example. My youngest son is in charge of trash. He has missed, and missed, and missed trash day after trash day. I took away his X-Box. About a week later, his pre-ordered expansion to CoD or something, made it to the store. I took him to the store, bought his expansion, came back home and told him he could play his X-Box for an hour.

Now he probably thought all was forgotten. At the end of the hour I asked how it was and if he liked the game. He says yes, it rocks. Good I say, you are back to being banned. Once you have consistantly shown me you can keep up with the trash, you can have it back.

Another week goes by and my son tell my wife, "I'm bored". She says, "You are not playing X-Box"

I get home and find out about it. I explain to the boy that there is one person, and only one person, that can give him the X-Box back. I also let him know that what he did was conniving, scheming, dishonest and goes against everything we are trying to do in this family.

I'm no psychologist, but think the boy was given plenty of rope and got called on it.

 

[Texas42]

. . Also all kids, especially young girls, needs to learn that "no" will and should be respected. If parents, especially fathers, always argue and change nos to yeses, then it becomes very difficult for girls to say no to sex, drugs and alcohol.

. . . .

Interesting, I can't say I agree with it, but I do find this thought-prevoking.

 

[Texican Scotty]

Proper response might have been a great Chuck Norris line. "If I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you." That waitress was completely out of line.

 

[android]

Interesting, I can't say I agree with it, but I do find this thought-prevoking.

Women with low self worth and that don't know how to say no (they tend to go together) much more easily become date rape victims and abused wives. There's plenty of literature available.

This doesn't mean that she gets to whatever she wants, just that she can make real decisions about what she eats, wears and does and we don't try to bend her will when it's not what we might have had in mind.

Taking out the trash is not a choice. It is a household task you assigned. I guess you see the choice as doing it or not, but it's not a true choice and you'd feel slighted if your boss at work pulled that kind of logic on you. There are things you have to do to take home the check and there are choices. Nobody is fooled trying to pass one off as the other including kids.

I'm also not sure that overeating is a good lesson. When your stomach is full, time to stop cramming in food, even if some is left on the plate. That's why half the country is obese. Wrap it up and take it home. That's a good and healthy choice.

 

[DCortez]

That's a good and healthy choice.

A good and healthy choice is to do what I want .

 

[TrailDust]

That's why half the country is obese.

That, and sodas. Most people have no clue how many teaspoons of sugar are in the typical 12 oz. soft drink, and yet people commonly fill up with Big Gulps or their equivalent. Nice way to head toward obesity and diabetes, but at least (for now) you're free to make that choice if you want. Just don't do it to your kids!

 

[DCortez]

So when are you guys taking me out to dinner so I can take three bites then order dessert?

 

[jfrey]

D Cortez is right! When I was a kid, many moons ago, my dad would tell us what to order off the menu and that was what we got. I would ask my kids, before we ordered, what they wanted and if it was too expensive or I thought they wouldn't eat it all, I firmly suggested they pick something else and that was what I ordered for them. My boys are grown now and if they are paying they can order anything they want. If I'm paying they still ask before ordering. My oldest son's wife figured it out early and generally orders what ever my wife is having.

Parents today need to be parents and not friends to their kids. I have my own friends and my kids aren't among them. Children will still respect their parents today, you just have to demand that they do it and not try and bargain with them over it.

 

[TrailDust]

So when are you guys taking me out to dinner so I can take three bites then order dessert?

When I make it to MadMo's someday for one of those BBQs, I'm bringing some major beer. I'll make sure you load up on enough beer calories to add another notch on your belt. That's just the kind of guy I am.....

 

[ROGER4314]

I am a retired teacher with 22 years experience. From actual experience, if you do not hold firm to your decisions and steer, guide and direct a teenager, regardless what they say about it, they will despise you for it. They will bitch and complain about your decisions but they will know that you love them. You did good ......stick to your guns!

I grew up in a very violent home. I left home at 17 and never returned. I'm not saying that your home is bad but if the little darlings really think so, that option is always available to them.

I lived next door to a family with three boys. These kids were loved and I had the pleasure of watching them grow up to be fine young men. Mom and Dad were actively involved in their lives and there was no question about whether the boys were top priority in the minds of their parents.

Two of them got married and their Dad presented them with their vehicle titles, insurance policies and a hug. With those things, Dad said: "Your home is with her now. Don't ever return to my house to live."

That's how love is supposed to work. Any other technique cripples the kid.

Flash

 

[DCortez]

So far, so good. The boy hasn't missed a trash day since the X-box ban.

 

[TrailDust]

So far, so good. The boy hasn't missed a trash day since the X-box ban.

He better hope the power never goes out for weeks on end......it would kill him....

 

[iratollah]

Some would disagree with my parenting style.

I allowed my kids to have sips of alcohol from the first age they asked to try. As early teens, I'd let them order a single alcoholic drink at the restaurant if they so wanted. At family house parties, it was open bar with instructions about inappropriate drinking behavior. Today, I have kids in their late teens and early twenties who drink in moderation and never drink to get drunk. They look down on their binge drinking peers. I taught them be responsible with alcohol and it's payed off. My college freshman is having roommate problems because she won't go out drinking with them. While she calls me with questions about which wine to pick for a special meal, she doesn't drink to get drunk, unlike most 19 year olds. We teach our kids how to drive safely, how to do other things safely, what's wrong with teaching them to manage alcohol safely?

I also had a mother tell me I should be put in jail because I let my teenage daughter keep an AR15 under her bed with a couple hundred rounds of ammo. Hey, I couldn't always be there when the girl wanted to go practice at the range. No different than teaching any other behavior skills about whats appropriate and what's not. You'll meet few adults with her rifle handling skills and ingrained obsession with safety.

Does this make me a bad parent? I couldn't be more proud of the upstanding citizens I've raised. Are they perfect? Not at all. Morals and ethics are what you do when no one is looking. I trust them to do the right thing and everyone tells me they are making the right choices, which aren't always the most popular or easiest.

 

[DCortez]

He better hope the power never goes out for weeks on end......it would kill him....

Power is no problem. Running out of ammo would cause thumbsucking.

 

[TrailDust]

Power is no problem. Running out of ammo would cause thumbsucking.

I've got two nephews that if the power went out for more than a week would either commit suicide or go insane. I kid you not.