"sun don't shine twice on a skinny dog's ass"

[TRIXXTERR]

"Everything went to shit"

"Duck tape an' balin wire'll fix it"

And for the one already posted. I have a extra line my Grandma always said.
"Fool me once, Shame on you.
Fool me twice, Shame on me.
I Promise you, there will not be a third time."

 

[Vaquero]

Shittin in high cotton.

Smells like the shit house door on a shrimp boat.

 

[orbitup]

What crawled up your ass and died?

Drunker than Cooter Brown.

 

[Vaquero]

Painting with a broad brush

 

[Acesn8's]

Between you ,me and the fence post

You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

Better bring a lunch and a lantern

 

[TRIXXTERR]

His daddys gonna take him out to the woodshed.

And one I'm sure every southern country boy and girl has heard or said.

"Hey ya'll. Hold my beer, watch this."

 

[Vaquero]

Not the brightest bulb
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
Not playing with a full deck
His elevator don't go all the way up
A few bricks shy of a load

 

[orbitup]

A few sandwiches short of a picnic

A few card short of a full deck.

 

[Vaquero]

Her face would make a freight train take a dirt road

 

[orbitup]

lol

Her face looks like 10 miles of bad road.

 

[shortround]

He's so dumb he couldn't sell pussy on a troop ship.

She's got a face only a mother could love.

He's dumber than a box of rocks and the box is twice as smart.

He couldn't lead a den of cub scouts out of a wet paper bag.

That dog don't hunt!

 

[Army 1911]

For the record, the phrase "providing the creek don't rise" has nothing to do with water. It has to do with my tribe going on the warpath.

 

[Gilgondorin]

-Drunker'n a lumberjack on payday

-"That boy is nuttier than a damn squirrel turd." (someone is crazy)

-More fun than a sack of monkeys

-Clear as mud

-"Watch it, that knife is sharp enough to cut a fart!"

-"He's about as popular as a monkey in a banana patch."

-Like a blind dog in a meat locker

-"It's hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell out here!"

-"...And that's when it went titties up." (Something breaks, "dies" and/or winds up on its "back".)

-She's about as bright as a wet paper match in a dark cave.

 

[Vaquero]

Blind hog found an acorn
Drier than a popcorn fart

 

[scgstuff]

Have you ever had your genitalia so excited, it spins more than a ferris wheel in a carnival ride? (Gary Busey....)

 

[scgstuff]

It could freeze the balls off a brass monkey

Throw a cowboy a rope

FUBAR (F$%^ Up Beyond All Recognition)

BOHICA (Bend Over, Here It Comes Again)

It ain't over till the fat lady sings

One we heard at Gatesville this weekend... "Hold on a second, I have an idea!" (another version of "Hold my beer...")

 

[orbitup]

Worthless as tits on a bull.

Can't tell his ass from a hole in the ground.

 

[dbgun]

You'd **** up an anvil with a glass hammer.
Don't piss on me and call it yellow rain.
My memory is so bad, I can hide my own Easter eggs.
My boss is the south end, of a north bound horse.
who shitted in your corn flakes, this morning.
straighter than a grizzly's dick.
What go's around, comes around.

 

[orbitup]

For a bad ass 4X4 - it'll climb straight up plate glass.

 

[pistolpadre]

you guys flat got me laughing on this one.. sorry i was gone for a day or so.. here's a couple i've always liked

Somebody that's just dead serious.. "gave up school cause it had recess"..
Somebody that's just a bit to personal.. "that boy's ok, but he shit a bit close to the house.. (you laugh'n pard)
Somebody that's just had a fine meal.."makes me wana go slap my mama"