let's talk about embarrassing moments..
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ROGER4314
Been Called "Flash" Since I Was A Kid!
I was the local Crime Stopper coordinator so I had to attend a meeting in Austin along with several teachers. The hotel was mobbed with people who all had that "educator" look. I was standing around with a teacher named Sylvia, wondering where we were supposed to be when a VERY large black lady bent over to pick up something and passed a giant fart!
No fooling, I split, immediately.........I beat feet leaving poor Sylvia there. She wasn't there more than 30 seconds when the fire alarm sounded and the entire hotel was evacuated! The two events were unrelated but the timing was perfect! Sylvia told me later that she didn't hear the fart but wondered if one of the toilets had backed up.
I'm hard to embarrass but that came pretty close.
Flash
No fooling, I split, immediately.........I beat feet leaving poor Sylvia there. She wasn't there more than 30 seconds when the fire alarm sounded and the entire hotel was evacuated! The two events were unrelated but the timing was perfect! Sylvia told me later that she didn't hear the fart but wondered if one of the toilets had backed up.
I'm hard to embarrass but that came pretty close.
Flash
Alright, here's a freebie.
I used to use ambien, one morning when we were waking up my wife asked me if I enjoyed the fajitas. I didn't know what the heck she was talking about.
The day before, we had gone to El Chapperell for dinner and took the leftovers home. Apparently, in the middle of the night my wife woke up to find me missing from bed.
She said she found me in the kitchen with the refrigerator door wide open, standing there in my underwear eating the fajitas while cussing them out....
I didn't remember any if that...
"Character is doing the right thing even when no one is watching"
I used to use ambien, one morning when we were waking up my wife asked me if I enjoyed the fajitas. I didn't know what the heck she was talking about.
The day before, we had gone to El Chapperell for dinner and took the leftovers home. Apparently, in the middle of the night my wife woke up to find me missing from bed.
She said she found me in the kitchen with the refrigerator door wide open, standing there in my underwear eating the fajitas while cussing them out....
I didn't remember any if that...
"Character is doing the right thing even when no one is watching"
I'll never know....
I dont even curse....lol
"Character is doing the right thing even when no one is watching"
love that story.. i was thinking the same thing.. as in WHY?
sounds like you got the stuff Micheal Jackson's Doc likes to give
My 7th parachute jump. You have to understand, to someone who's never jumped before and about to have their first lesson the next day, *any* one who has actually jumped and lived is akin to a god.
So I'm at the DZ (drop zone) one Friday night where we're having the traditional bushfire African beer n barbecue party (a "braai") and all the newbies are wide-eyed, nervously drinking beer (but trying not to drink *too* much before their first lesson in the morning) and babbling all sort of questions, as we all do. I'd just about gotten over my own fears of jumping and was really looking forward to the next morning, and these two cute imported girl-students were bending my ear. Boy, my chest was (and likely my head) was swollen from all the attention, and I was trying to do my best impression of a casual sky-god and apparently being very believable.
Next morning, I gear-up and strut towards the plane to get onto first load of the morning - I'd told the 2 girls to look out for the first jumper as it would be me. At 3,500 ft out I went, casual as you like and feeling great - no fear, the static line deployed the chute while I did my dummy ripcord pull (part of the progression to free-fall), everything was awesome and I started to spiral downwards, heading for the LZ (landing zone) just the other side of the runway away from the hangers. Got low enough to start preparing for my landing and checked the wind-sock for the wind direction - and in my new-found cockiness, got it totally backwards. Instead of landing *into* the wind which would slow me down, I was landing WITH the wind - I ended up going like a bat out of hell and heading for the barbed-wire fence separating the LZ from the runway and hangars from where everyone was watching.
I yanked on the toggles to try and flare to get over the fence, lifting my legs to just skim the top strand with my butt-cheeks (I swear I felt a barb just brush my twitching butt-hole) and squealed like a girl as I shot across the runway. My eyes were out on stalks, head bobbing frantically left and right because I was sure I was about to collect an aircraft propeller and then hooted with triumph as I realized I had cheated death once more - ha! Winner!!
Then I woke up to the fact the the hangar was getting rather big and I was still doing about 25 mph across the concrete as I dropped lower and lower and I started to pedal madly so as not to fall over once I hit the deck - and ended up in a big rolling ball of sky/earth/parachute/concrete/sky/parachute. I finally fought my way out from under the folds of the canopy and stood up to gales of laughter and long, slow, derisory applause from the assembly of real sky-gods and goddesses who were waiting to get onto their own loads. I avoided the two girls all day but naturally bumped into them that evening (after their own successful first jumps) when they slyly asked me to demonstrate the sky-god bicycle-style landing technique for them again….
So I'm at the DZ (drop zone) one Friday night where we're having the traditional bushfire African beer n barbecue party (a "braai") and all the newbies are wide-eyed, nervously drinking beer (but trying not to drink *too* much before their first lesson in the morning) and babbling all sort of questions, as we all do. I'd just about gotten over my own fears of jumping and was really looking forward to the next morning, and these two cute imported girl-students were bending my ear. Boy, my chest was (and likely my head) was swollen from all the attention, and I was trying to do my best impression of a casual sky-god and apparently being very believable.
Next morning, I gear-up and strut towards the plane to get onto first load of the morning - I'd told the 2 girls to look out for the first jumper as it would be me. At 3,500 ft out I went, casual as you like and feeling great - no fear, the static line deployed the chute while I did my dummy ripcord pull (part of the progression to free-fall), everything was awesome and I started to spiral downwards, heading for the LZ (landing zone) just the other side of the runway away from the hangers. Got low enough to start preparing for my landing and checked the wind-sock for the wind direction - and in my new-found cockiness, got it totally backwards. Instead of landing *into* the wind which would slow me down, I was landing WITH the wind - I ended up going like a bat out of hell and heading for the barbed-wire fence separating the LZ from the runway and hangars from where everyone was watching.
I yanked on the toggles to try and flare to get over the fence, lifting my legs to just skim the top strand with my butt-cheeks (I swear I felt a barb just brush my twitching butt-hole) and squealed like a girl as I shot across the runway. My eyes were out on stalks, head bobbing frantically left and right because I was sure I was about to collect an aircraft propeller and then hooted with triumph as I realized I had cheated death once more - ha! Winner!!
Then I woke up to the fact the the hangar was getting rather big and I was still doing about 25 mph across the concrete as I dropped lower and lower and I started to pedal madly so as not to fall over once I hit the deck - and ended up in a big rolling ball of sky/earth/parachute/concrete/sky/parachute. I finally fought my way out from under the folds of the canopy and stood up to gales of laughter and long, slow, derisory applause from the assembly of real sky-gods and goddesses who were waiting to get onto their own loads. I avoided the two girls all day but naturally bumped into them that evening (after their own successful first jumps) when they slyly asked me to demonstrate the sky-god bicycle-style landing technique for them again….
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Too funny.
Ambien is so strange. My wife used to be on it and if my daughter had her friends over watching a movie, late, late for a sleepover, I'd have to physically block her from walking naked into the family room. Scary thing is she got up in the middle of the night one time and drove somewhere. I woke up with her gone and she showed up later having no recollection at all of where she had went.
I'll add to that. Never, ever try to do a front flip on a trampoline after drinkin' a few beers. Your knee will split the skin wide open on your jaw and you get a trip to the ER.
Ah man. Not the type to get embarrassed, almost at all. I do have a story about a time when I was embarrassed, extremely. Long ago, when I was just a little we, I went we we and ended up doing doo doo.
I was in first grade. Asked the teacher, Mrs. Paula, to go to the restroom. This was in Glen Oaks in San Antonio. So I'm standing at the urinal, draining the care bear, and I feel a fart coming on. Ok, no big deal, gotta let it slide out carefully. Well, the fart brought luggage and I couldn't shut it off. It was like a plane full of travelers rushing off after hearing the word bomb.
I waddle back to class. Go to the dest and whisper, "Mrs. Paula, I pooped in my pants. Can I go to the nurse?"
"YOU POOPED IN YOUR PANTS!?!" She yelled out in shock.
That was the worst day of my school life.
I was in first grade. Asked the teacher, Mrs. Paula, to go to the restroom. This was in Glen Oaks in San Antonio. So I'm standing at the urinal, draining the care bear, and I feel a fart coming on. Ok, no big deal, gotta let it slide out carefully. Well, the fart brought luggage and I couldn't shut it off. It was like a plane full of travelers rushing off after hearing the word bomb.
I waddle back to class. Go to the dest and whisper, "Mrs. Paula, I pooped in my pants. Can I go to the nurse?"
"YOU POOPED IN YOUR PANTS!?!" She yelled out in shock.
That was the worst day of my school life.
Padre's fire thread reminds me of one of my own.
In the summer during my high school years I did farm work, and farm kids normally do. I was working at a big ranch one week raking hay. The hay gets cut, and after a couple days we raked it to flip it over and complete the drying.
I was rolling right along at break neck speed when I smell an odd odor. Turns out the little Ford tractor I was on had a bottom muffler which had snagged a couple pieces of hay on the clamp, and it had caught fire. Problem is, I didn't notice that until after the fact. I was looking down at one fire, hanging from the muffler. Then when I looked back, there was a major fire blazing. So, being in the country, and nothing close by, and before the days of cell phones, I devised a plan.
I decided I would drive those big fat tractor tires over the fire to snuff it out. (I swear this sounded reasonable to my 16 yr old brain back then) Well it didn't work. So I decided to drive in a circle and get all the dried hay in one pile to confine the fire. So there I was, driving in a circle raking all the hay into one pile, and making it a tighter circle each time. I suddenly realized the tractor tire had caught on fire. Oh shit.
So I am driving around in a circle, the hay is blazing, and I then realized I had a group of old farmers parked at the edge of the field laughing their ass off at me, peeing on the tractor tire trying to get it out. It worked. So na, na, na boo boo on them. But the hay kept burning until the volunteer fire department showed up to put it out.
I burned up almost 30 acres of hay that day, and eliminated any chance of a second cutting on that patch. My boss went ballistic, and I was off the tractor, and on the back of the hay truck in another pasture. (we had 6 40 acres sections that were cut at different times) I felt so bad. But I knew I couldn't get to a phone to call the fire department. Fortunately someone saw it and called it in. For years my boss would ask me if I peed on any tractors lately. Like EVERY time he saw me. From that moment on, I was a legend. I was buddies with that guy's kid. And every time anyone saw smoke while I was around, they yelled my name.
In the summer during my high school years I did farm work, and farm kids normally do. I was working at a big ranch one week raking hay. The hay gets cut, and after a couple days we raked it to flip it over and complete the drying.
I was rolling right along at break neck speed when I smell an odd odor. Turns out the little Ford tractor I was on had a bottom muffler which had snagged a couple pieces of hay on the clamp, and it had caught fire. Problem is, I didn't notice that until after the fact. I was looking down at one fire, hanging from the muffler. Then when I looked back, there was a major fire blazing. So, being in the country, and nothing close by, and before the days of cell phones, I devised a plan.
I decided I would drive those big fat tractor tires over the fire to snuff it out. (I swear this sounded reasonable to my 16 yr old brain back then) Well it didn't work. So I decided to drive in a circle and get all the dried hay in one pile to confine the fire. So there I was, driving in a circle raking all the hay into one pile, and making it a tighter circle each time. I suddenly realized the tractor tire had caught on fire. Oh shit.
So I am driving around in a circle, the hay is blazing, and I then realized I had a group of old farmers parked at the edge of the field laughing their ass off at me, peeing on the tractor tire trying to get it out. It worked. So na, na, na boo boo on them. But the hay kept burning until the volunteer fire department showed up to put it out.
I burned up almost 30 acres of hay that day, and eliminated any chance of a second cutting on that patch. My boss went ballistic, and I was off the tractor, and on the back of the hay truck in another pasture. (we had 6 40 acres sections that were cut at different times) I felt so bad. But I knew I couldn't get to a phone to call the fire department. Fortunately someone saw it and called it in. For years my boss would ask me if I peed on any tractors lately. Like EVERY time he saw me. From that moment on, I was a legend. I was buddies with that guy's kid. And every time anyone saw smoke while I was around, they yelled my name.
I have a Doo doo story as well from when I was wee child.
My parents were going to stop a one of their friends house for something. When all of a sudden nature call's. She said "you are not going to make it"
I rushed into the house. (I had never been there before) Desperately searching for the bathroom. After a couple of seconds I find it, and I go in close the door behind. I had made it. Or so I thought. As soon and my shorts came down the log went out before I could make it to the toilet. I remember freaking out as the toilet was within sight and I could do nothing to make it there. It was pure torture...
My parents were going to stop a one of their friends house for something. When all of a sudden nature call's. She said "you are not going to make it"
I rushed into the house. (I had never been there before) Desperately searching for the bathroom. After a couple of seconds I find it, and I go in close the door behind. I had made it. Or so I thought. As soon and my shorts came down the log went out before I could make it to the toilet. I remember freaking out as the toilet was within sight and I could do nothing to make it there. It was pure torture...
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