*****Official Joke of the Day Thread****** OR Aaron's Domain

[deemus]

i'd hate to admit that too.

lolz

 

[Acera]

Not really a joke, but I found this pretty funny, gotta know where those security camera's are, LOL

 

[Acera]

My wife was screaming at me: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered.

As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So I turned around and replied, "So now you want me to stay?"

 

[deemus]

Facing a firing squad, a prisoner was asked if he had a last request.

Man: "Yes, I would like to sing my favorite song just one last time."

After some consultation the captain agreed, whereupon the prisoner cleared his throat and began:

Man: "Ten Million bottles of beer on the wall, ten million bottles of beer......"

 

[festering]

A woman wants a facelift and her surgeon tells her about a new procedure. "We put a dial in the back of your head and when your skin starts to sag you simply turn the knob."
"That sounds good," she says.
Two years later, she goes back and tells the surgeon that the dial is giving her bags under her eyes.
"I'm sorry," replies the surgeon, "but those aren't bags -- those are your tits."
"Oh," says the woman, "well that explains the goatee."

 

[deemus]

An American business man is in Japan to close a big deal. To celebrate, he hires a Japanese hooker. In the heat of passion, she begins to yell, "nagasaku! nagasaku!" He finishes and she leaves immediately.

The next day while golfing with his Japanese contacts, he sinks a 25 foot putt. Wanting to impress them, he yells, "nagasaku!" The Japanese golfers stand there with a confused look. His interpreter asks him, "why did you say, "wrong hole?"

 

[deemus]

.

 

[London]

::Language warning::

Three explorers are on a journey in South America when they find themselves surrounded by hostile natives. The natives capture them, tie them up, and deliver them to the Chief. The Chief tells them, "You have trespassed and desecrated out sacred grounds. For this you must be severely punished. You have two choices: Death, or fungamunga."

The explorers are not familiar with the term "Fungamunga", and ask the Chief what it means, to which he says nothing. He asks the first explorer: "Death, or fungamunga?" She replies, "Well I don't know what fungamunga is, but it's gotta be better than death." The chief says, "It is settled." The natives tie her to a tree and bugger her up the ass, then let her go. The men stare at each other with terrified eyes.

The Chief asks the next explorer, "Death, or fungamunga?" He replies, well, I'm not gay, but I guess I'll have to choose fungamunga." The Chief says, "It is settled." The natives tie him to a tree and bugger him up the ass, then let him go.

The Chief asks the final explorer, "Death, or fungamunga?" He replies, "There's no way in Hell I'm getting 'Fungamungad.' I choose death! The Chief says, "It is settled. Death by fungamunga!"

 

[Chupacabra Hunter]

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
· He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
· Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature
through such innocent eyes.
· Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
· He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.
· He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
· 'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.
· 'They're mating,' her father replied.
· 'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.
· a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.
· 'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.
· As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he
replied, 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'
· 'The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted
her foot and stomped them flat.
'Well", she said, "that may be OK in California , but we're not having any of
that shit in Texas ."

 

[pvtsnowball82]

^^^Now that's funny!