@ Cam
*****Official Joke of the Day Thread****** OR Aaron's Domain
- Thread starter deemus
- Start date
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The old fellow in the big cowboy hat got a standing ovation
The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said ...
"Son, I don't think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep ... they're eatin' 'em!"
The meeting never really got back to order.
The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said ...
"Son, I don't think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep ... they're eatin' 'em!"
The meeting never really got back to order.
- Jul 1, 2011
- 27,734
- 21
Saaaweet Acera!
I saw a woman on the street the other day, and it turned out to be the real Jimmy Peterson, with whom I had also gone to school. He'd had a sex change, and curiouosly I asked him about the process.
Me: Was the worst part taking all those drugs and hormones?
Jim: No, I felt more like my natural self each day.
Me: Was the worst part having your pecker cut off?
Jim: No, I was glad to lose that useless appendage.
Me: So then, what was the worst part of becoming a woman?
Jim: Well, it was at the end when they drilled a hole in my head and sucked out half my brains.
Me: Was the worst part taking all those drugs and hormones?
Jim: No, I felt more like my natural self each day.
Me: Was the worst part having your pecker cut off?
Jim: No, I was glad to lose that useless appendage.
Me: So then, what was the worst part of becoming a woman?
Jim: Well, it was at the end when they drilled a hole in my head and sucked out half my brains.
One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."
Recently in London two groups of women got on a double-decker bus. Some Baylor wives got on the lower level and some Aggy wives (including Mrs. Tannehill) took the top level. When the bus began moving the Aggy wives began hollering, and as speed increased Aggy began screaming:
Baylor: Please be quiet up there. Try to enjoy the views.
Aggy: That's easy for you to say...You've got a driver!
Baylor: Please be quiet up there. Try to enjoy the views.
Aggy: That's easy for you to say...You've got a driver!
A couple found themselves in a room with twin beds at a lodge. Although exhausted, the man invited the lady over to his bed. As she shuffled to his bed she caught her foot on a rug, tripped and went sprawling on the floor.
Man: ";Darlin'! Are you okay? I hope you're not hurt!"
Whereupon he went to her, swept her up and gently comforted her.
Man: ";I'd feel terrible if anything happend to you."
He carried her to his bed, and the pair then spent :45 mutually enjoyable minutes together, after which the lady shuffled back to her bed. Again her foot got caught in the rug, she tripped and went sprawling on the floor.
Man: ";God you're clumsy! Pick up your damned feet!"
Man: ";Darlin'! Are you okay? I hope you're not hurt!"
Whereupon he went to her, swept her up and gently comforted her.
Man: ";I'd feel terrible if anything happend to you."
He carried her to his bed, and the pair then spent :45 mutually enjoyable minutes together, after which the lady shuffled back to her bed. Again her foot got caught in the rug, she tripped and went sprawling on the floor.
Man: ";God you're clumsy! Pick up your damned feet!"
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute. "Do you know who the father is?"
Prostitute replies, "Oh! For goodness sakes, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart?"
Prostitute replies, "Oh! For goodness sakes, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart?"
[h=6]A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican.
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama-Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are -- or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
[/h]
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican.
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama-Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are -- or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
[/h]
Man comes home and finds his adult daughter using a dildo.
Man: "Why are you using that?"
Gal: "Daddy, this is as close as I will ever get to having a man."
A few days later the man again sees the daughter using the dildo."
Man: "What in the world are you doing that for?"
Gal: "Daddy, I'm serious, this is as close as I will ever get to having a man."
A few days later the daughter comes into the house and sees her dad sitting on the couch watching the television, with the dildo beside him.
Gal: "Daddy, what in the world are you doing?"
Dad: "Oh, not much, just sitting here watching the ball game with my son-in-law."
Man: "Why are you using that?"
Gal: "Daddy, this is as close as I will ever get to having a man."
A few days later the man again sees the daughter using the dildo."
Man: "What in the world are you doing that for?"
Gal: "Daddy, I'm serious, this is as close as I will ever get to having a man."
A few days later the daughter comes into the house and sees her dad sitting on the couch watching the television, with the dildo beside him.
Gal: "Daddy, what in the world are you doing?"
Dad: "Oh, not much, just sitting here watching the ball game with my son-in-law."
