*****Official Joke of the Day Thread****** OR Aaron's Domain
- Thread starter deemus
- Start date
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings'
A man in Arizona looking to join the County Sheriffs Dept. was being interviewed.
The Sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications look good, but there's an attitude suitability test you must pass before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a Smith and Wesson 45 pistol across the desk, he says to the man, "Take this pistol; go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six 'Progressive Liberal' democrats, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" the man asked.
"That's the attitude we're looking for!" said the Sergeant, "When can you start?"
The Sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications look good, but there's an attitude suitability test you must pass before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a Smith and Wesson 45 pistol across the desk, he says to the man, "Take this pistol; go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six 'Progressive Liberal' democrats, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" the man asked.
"That's the attitude we're looking for!" said the Sergeant, "When can you start?"
Penguin driving his snowmobile. Snowmobile breaks down. Conveniently he breaks down in front of the snowmobile repair shop. Penguin takes it in, repair guy says "Let me take a look come back in an hour and I'll let you know...."
Penguin comes back in.. snowmobile repair guy says "looks like you've just blown a seal" .. Penguin, wiping his beak, says "NO! NO! it's just ice cream, I swear"
Penguin comes back in.. snowmobile repair guy says "looks like you've just blown a seal" .. Penguin, wiping his beak, says "NO! NO! it's just ice cream, I swear"
Damn Man you had to go there?
Tejano Scott
TGT Addict
So... What website are you gleaning these jokes from? Perhaps it would be easier to provide a link! Lol
1,000
1,000
It's hard to weed out all the clean ones...
Or atleast pick out the funny ones.
Tejano Scott
TGT Addict
A great joke to tell females-
What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly this cock down your throat.
I guess you missed my post #12.....
yep. looks like.
I am sure you are holding back quite a lot..lol
There was a woman who had a case of the sneezes. However every time she sneezed she would have an orgasm. Finally she decided to see a doctor.
The woman says "Doctor I can't stop sneezing"
Doctor says: "We probably need to test you for allergies. What have you been taking for this condition previously "
Woman says "I've been sniffing pepper"
The woman says "Doctor I can't stop sneezing"
Doctor says: "We probably need to test you for allergies. What have you been taking for this condition previously "
Woman says "I've been sniffing pepper"
It's an Age thing
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century, old timer,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my iPad.'
Well, I can tell you, that damn fly never knew what hit it...
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century, old timer,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my iPad.'
Well, I can tell you, that damn fly never knew what hit it...
Made me think of this one......
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 10 shots of Tequila!"
The bartender asks "Are you having a bad day?"
The guy replies, "Nope, I'm celebrating my first blowjob!"
The bartender congradulates him and says, "Well in that case, let me give you a beer on the house."
The guy replies, "No thanks, if this doesn't take the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 10 shots of Tequila!"
The bartender asks "Are you having a bad day?"
The guy replies, "Nope, I'm celebrating my first blowjob!"
The bartender congradulates him and says, "Well in that case, let me give you a beer on the house."
The guy replies, "No thanks, if this doesn't take the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
