She's pissed again...

[Wildcat Diva]

^^^Well, sure, but many women have that “oh HELL no, GTFO” attitude. I do try to develop reason to balance the emotional. I don’t always succeed.

I’m probably not a normal woman (not too girly) so take that for what it’s worth.
I would actually say that answer I gave comes more my bent as “therapist” than my bent as “woman.”

Husband and I see so many couples we casually knew make really stupid decisions while married and we just can’t believe it. They trash their marriages and throw their lives and family away for dumb stuff and/or drama.

We don’t want to be like those people.

So we don’t long term sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff (until it’s not, I guess). Screaming matches get ignored and dropped but if there was a point to the screaming match we had better take notice and fix (the probably simple thing) for the long big haul.

Good problem solving skills and checking one’s ego are a good recipe for keeping small/ simple stuff from getting bigger. And if small stuff is just hidden BIG stuff, well, a person had better get to work.

 

[SQLGeek]

It’s not up to me to say what is a deal breaker.

Sometimes small oversights are just that and if that’s the cost of being together, you might just take it.

Other times...oversights are symptoms of bigger problems and are red flags. That’s only a SOMETIMES, not an always.

We all can do stupid, mindless stuff sometimes, like put car keys into a trash can, or put an entire unopened carton of pico from HEB into the cabinet instead of the fridge (just happened, hubby did that one). It’s actually that amazing ANY of us are able to function with all we have to think about and do. But if a person messes up, they should say sorry, or at least chill out if it’s possible they get blamed for stuff. It is a “stay calm” kind of scenario.

When my hubby gets irritable/ shitty with me when he needs help finding something that’s lost... that’s my cue to back off because I’m about to get shitty right back and that won’t solve OUR problem. So I don’t help him OR engage him if I’m in my right mind (heh, good luck!) when things go south in this kind of scenario.

(Not saying that you got shitty with her, just describing when things get irritable, no matter who did what)

That is some fantastic advice and a good reminder for when my wife is irritating me. I try to remember, usually unsuccessfully, that I'm probably irritating her back.

 

[easy rider]

We men breath, therefore we irritate women.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

If a man speaks in a forest, is he wrong?

 

[easy rider]

If a man speaks in a forest, is he wrong?

Only if a woman hears him.

 

[Brains]

I irritate my wife on purpose sometimes. I'm not a smart man. :P

In all seriousness, I believe it all breaks down to trust. I trust that my wife always has my best interests at heart, and I have hers. When problems come up, that makes it easier to get passed pissed and back on track.

 

[Low_Speed]

You should make it clear that if you find one more thing in the trash that’s not hers or that you paid for, all of her crap is going in the dumpster.


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[Charlie]

Good luck with that!

 

[busykngt]

As Eddy Murphy used to say: H-A-L-F !

 

[Mowingmaniac 24/7]

If you're still interested in her as a wife get thee to a marriage counselor pronto, barring that a very, very good divorce attorney on the q.t.

She desperately wants to control you and you're letting it happen.

If that works for you, great, if not, read the first sentence and take action.

 

[grasshopperglock]

My GF is a closet, touchy feeling semi liberal. With a master's is liberal arts. You name it and she's studied it and had to pay for the books. Radical feminism? Check. The communist manifesto? Check.

She's voting for Trump. She can throw away my best wrist watch if she wants. Fair trade.

It's the bigger pictures of life that matters the most. Not some mistakes with a kitchen trashcan.

 

[Sam7sf]

After dealing with an almost failed marriage, I would like to remind op to try and be as helpful as possible when talking to her. I have learned it's important to not make her feel cornered if you want to solve something. You want to make a stand if something is bugging you, don't get me wrong. It just helps you out a lot if you approach it with "hey, you have been throwing my stuff away. Is there something you want to talk to me about"? I almost lost my wife because I have been screwed over in the past and seeing red flags made me accuse her rather than give her the chance to admit it, talk about, try to show her its a good thing to come clean. Turns out after chasing a white wail I stumbled onto evidence that should she can be trusted. We talked and decided how were gonna change the little things we do and be transparent with each other. Lol. She forgave me for not simply believing her and I forgave her for being a retard.

My point is if your other is throwing stuff away on a regular bases just do what you can to sit down and solve it. Don't get pissed. Just do what you can to help them and encourage them that it's ok to tell the truth. Even if it causes a divorce. I hope its not mental illness. In this case getting an honest answer can be difficult.

 

[Sam7sf]

My GF is a closet, touchy feeling semi liberal. With a master's is liberal arts. You name it and she's studied it and had to pay for the books. Radical feminism? Check. The communist manifesto? Check.

She's voting for Trump. She can throw away my best wrist watch if she wants. Fair trade.

It's the bigger pictures of life that matters the most. Not some mistakes with a kitchen trashcan.

Dude I hear ya. My wife is a democrat and she's been slowly coming around. Helping out the church, understanding we don't ban guns for a solution, and her work ethic is pretty good. She still holds onto "muh body my rights republicans just wanna tell us what to do" and I'm all no they want women to stop being whores. So other people don't have to pay for them. Literally. Lol.

 

[Grundy1133]

My GF is a closet, touchy feeling semi liberal. With a master's is liberal arts. You name it and she's studied it and had to pay for the books. Radical feminism? Check. The communist manifesto? Check.

She's voting for Trump. She can throw away my best wrist watch if she wants. Fair trade.

It's the bigger pictures of life that matters the most. Not some mistakes with a kitchen trashcan.

id have to drop her like a bad habit.

 

[grasshopperglock]

Don't get pissed. Just do what you can to help them and encourage them that it's ok to tell the truth. Even if it causes a divorce. I hope its not mental illness. In this case getting an honest answer can be difficult.

Maybe that's why I've been divorced 4 times. Ones in prison serving 55 years for murder, another ran to Minnesota, and another is a complete dumba$$. I can't remember the name of the 4th.

There's always a mental aspect. Kitchen trash cans and all.

 

[grasshopperglock]

id have to drop her like a bad habit.

Lolololol, read post #75.

 

[Sam7sf]

Maybe that's why I've been divorced 4 times. Ones in prison serving 55 years for murder, another ran to Minnesota, and another is a complete dumba$$. I can't remember the name of the 4th.

There's always a mental aspect. Kitchen trash cans and all.

That's rough. Best advice I can give though and really with anything in life. We gotta cool our jets and make good choices. People can fool us but I have said it before. If my marriage does ever end, I know what type of person to look for. Its really hard to date these days. I think if I was single I will be single for a long time. What society sees as a relationship now is almost disgusting.

 

[grasshopperglock]

That's rough. Best advice I can give though and really with anything in life. We gotta cool our jets and make good choices. People can fool us but I have said it before. If my marriage does ever end, I know what type of person to look for. Its really hard to date these days. I think if I was single I will be single for a long time. What society sees as a relationship now is almost disgusting.

You can get a date/laid in an hour. Scroll through Plenty Of Fish and pick one out.

 

[easy rider]

You can get a date/laid in an hour. Scroll through Plenty Of Fish and pick one out.

I did that once, it needs a whacko filter.

 

[grasshopperglock]

I did that once, it needs a whacko filter.

Yes it does. The females are looking for the exact same things the men are. I met one girl with three children and 4 dogs. Her deal was that she never cleaned up dog crap. We're talking in every room of her house. Left it sitting there for days. She also liked to ask for money. Not a few bucks but enough to buy another car.

She was fine as hell and just as crazy. There was a reason she was single.