TGT story time

[AKM]

took my dad out to eat for his last Bday. the bartender kept bringing him margaritas, and he was getting drunk(my dad has a very high tolerance so I knew something was wrong)> We go to leave and Hes wasted i have to carry him to his car, and put him in the passenger seat(77 vette with T-top) So Im driving down louetta and hes looking out the top of the car and all the sudden he goes "pull ovRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" pukes OVER the windshield, and mind you Im 6'6'' Im looking over the windshield, so this shits blowing back in my face. im going 80 past cops in a 45 on louetta and the cops just wave(they think Im my dad i guess...he knows a bunch of them) Hes puking its blowing back in my face im dry heaving. i fly into his drive way and bail out of the car hes half hanging out of the car puking, Im in the front yard puking. I call my sister to see if they are on their way she answers and all i can get out is "I cant sto.....RAAAAAAAAAAH!" So long story short we get my dad inside we're both covered in puke. we get him in the showeran in bed...Funniest part is My sisters new boyfriend was with her and had just met my dad that night so 3 hours after meeting my dad he has to see him naked....LOL

 

[Kyle]

took my dad out to eat for his last Bday. the bartender kept bringing him margaritas, and he was getting drunk(my dad has a very high tolerance so I knew something was wrong)> We go to leave and Hes wasted i have to carry him to his car, and put him in the passenger seat(77 vette with T-top) So Im driving down louetta and hes looking out the top of the car and all the sudden he goes "pull ovRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" pukes OVER the windshield, and mind you Im 6'6'' Im looking over the windshield, so this shits blowing back in my face. im going 80 past cops in a 45 on louetta and the cops just wave(they think Im my dad i guess...he knows a bunch of them) Hes puking its blowing back in my face im dry heaving. i fly into his drive way and bail out of the car hes half hanging out of the car puking, Im in the front yard puking. I call my sister to see if they are on their way she answers and all i can get out is "I cant sto.....RAAAAAAAAAAH!" So long story short we get my dad inside we're both covered in puke. we get him in the showeran in bed...Funniest part is My sisters new boyfriend was with her and had just met my dad that night so 3 hours after meeting my dad he has to see him naked....LOL

LMAO! Sounds like something that should be in a movie!

 

[Jakashh]

I once fell off a couch and broke my right arm.

I was standing on the arm rest and acting like a pirate.

 

[RandomHero]

i got fired for "sexual harassment" once.


my supervisor pissed me off and i mooned him. he wrote it up as sexual harassment. at the time, i was proud of that. come to think of it, i still fell a little proud.

 

[stx kid]

So one new years eve I was invited to my best friend's family gathering in a little town on the other side of the county. Now J.R.'s (my BFF) family are known to throw a hell of a party, and this one was as good as they get! Needless to say we were pretty hammered... or at least soused enough for one of the cousins to have to drive us back to town. About half way through the drive we were discussing each other's mothers and their corresponding chest areas when we brought up granny boobies... BIG mistake...from the backseat of my truck I swear I could hear JR gagging. I in no means am a sympathetic puke'er but for some unholy reason my window would not roll down fast enough! By the time the window gets half way down I've saturated myself in beer/liqueur/BBQ... but wait it gets better.. soon as the wind hit my face ( 75sih MPH) I start up again, and everything that gets expelled out makes it's way back into the cab of the truck.. all over my face, the ceiling of the cab and best of all ALL OVER JR!!!!

this is why I keep rags and/or a towel in my truck

 

[AKM]

I had a guy die atmy feet when I was 5-6...

 

[stx kid]

I had a guy die atmy feet when I was 5-6...

did he tease you with jack links?

 

[RstyShcklfrd]

And here comes the fun sponge. You know what the fun sponge is? It's the sponge that sucks the fun out of everything.

Now I'm sad.

 

[AKM]

I was doing CPR on a guy who was found in his living room with no pulse one morning and the Paramedics who Intubated him screwed up and was pumping air into his stocmach instead of his lungs. They finally figure it out pull out the tube and dead guy puke goes everywhere...He had eggs for breakfast..and didnt chew very good. Guess who the new guy was who got to clean that up

 

[AKM]

did he tease you with jack links?

nope lol

 

[stx kid]

nope lol

You should PM me your address, I'll send you a care package.

 

[AKM]

And here comes the fun sponge. You know what the fun sponge is? It's the sponge that sucks the fun out of everything.

Now I'm sad.

 

[AKM]

You should PM me your address, I'll send you a care package.

only if you deliver it in a thong...

 

[stx kid]

only if you deliver it in a thong...

I'll be sure to include "special delivery instructions" on the package

 

[AKM]

 

[AKM]

In the 5th grade I was riding in the back of the truck around the neighborhood(back when it was ok). i sat on the tailgate to get out, and my mom tool off thinking I already got out and I fell off doing about 30 and landed on the back of my head so hard I bounced onto my feet....explains a lot huh?

 

[stx kid]

In the 5th grade I was riding in the back of the truck around the neighborhood(back when it was ok). i sat on the tailgate to get out, and my mom tool off thinking I already got out and I fell off doing about 30 and landed on the back of my head so hard I bounced onto my feet....explains a lot huh?

yah actually..

 

[ROGER4314]

Don P. was one of the toughest bastards I ever met. We grew up together in Chicago where we were both street punk/criminals. He was a Viet Nam vet and a stone doper.

We gotta liven this thread up! I'll share some Donny P. stories................all fiction, of course.

One night we were cruising around Chicago in Don's 57 Chevy. Gas and smokes were 25 cents each and we didn't have enough to buy a Dollar's worth between us. Don pulls into a parking lot where there is an egg & milk vending machine. It looked like a small semi trailer without wheels. He says "Wait here", opens the trunk and pulls out a sledge hammer. He strides over to the machine, takes a mighty swing and knocks the friggin' cash box off of the machine right in front of God and everyone! He tucks it under his arm, tosses the hammer in the trunk and we made a getaway before anyone could react. There was dope and booze for everyone that night. I honesty didn't know what that crazy SOB was gonna do!

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Another night Don & I stopped at a McDonald's. Don & I both had long hair but he wore his Nam issue utility cover so his hair stuck straight out from the sides. He was a big, strong, tattooed, wild ass lookin' SOB! The place was mobbed but we get to the counter, get our burgers and Don grabs a burger wrapper & all, jams it into his face while making loud growling and screaming noises. There was burger, bun, mustard, onions flying everywhere while people were fleeing for their lives. When he gets done, all that burger wreckage was hanging from his face and hair the crowd had taken cover around the area and he yells out "Damned good burger!"

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I worked on a pipeline crew and we were out staking our line near a Lamont Illinois refinery. We used a transmitter/receiver detector and we staked our line location prior to construction. I find myself standing in a huge patch of Marijuana and poison Ivy. I finished my work, kept my trap shut and when I got home called Don to tell him what I found. He said it was too early to harvest it so in September, we made a trip back there in his big, white Olds 88.

The patch was out by a salvage yard but there was a bridge between the MJ and us that had been demolished. All there was on the bridge were two rows of boards for wheel tracks laying on rebar over this big assed channel of water! The bridge was high and arched and looked impossible to cross. Don puts the Olds in gear, got on those boards and runs all the way over the bridge. He ran slow but he did it! My ass was puckered tight!

We got to the patch, it was blooming so we pulled whole plants up and stuck them into gunny sacks. Meanwhile, the man from the salvage yard comes out and asked what the Hell we were doing? Big, bad ass Don replies "We're on a nature hike, what's it to you?" We probably had 50 pounds of herb in sacks loaded into the trunk when we heard what sounded like a siren. There was nothing else out there so we figured that man had called the law. We jumped in the Olds, Don floors it, we go over the demolished bridge on two skinny planks at a good 50 miles per hour, we roar down the road and PASS the cop car going the other way headed where we had just left! He never showed brake lights so we just kept going. We had 50 pounds of pot in the trunk and Don puts the gas pedal on the floor. He hung that weed upside down in his attic to dry it and I can't really say what happened to it after that.

========================================================================

OK...someone else take over. I'm tired. The above are all fictional accounts not about any real person living or dead..........UMMMMM .....Yeah.

Incidentally, on May 16, I will mark 31 years clean & sober. It's a friggin' miracle that I'm alive at all!

Flash

 

[AKM]

My buddy used to be high up in a motorcycle..."club". i was at his bar one night and some guy they kicked out walked in with a 3 foot level. So my buddy walks over to the wall real calm picking up every pool cue. He finds the heaviest one walks towards the guy, and before he could even rear backw ith the level he had a cue broke over his head. My buddy jumps ontop of him grabs his throat they guys eyes open really wide then we realize my buddy has a cig between his fingers slowly putting it closer to the guys eye...needless to say we all jumped on him right before he snubs it out in the guys eye....Come to find out thats not the first guy who this guy used their eye for an ash tray...

Funny thing is I grew up in church and Ive never been in trouble. I think these guys keep me around since I even things out an keep everyone calm..

 

[AKM]

My dad used to work construction and on this one job this guy had a nail gun with no safety and a hook that he would use to hang it from his belt. On this job you had to jump a gap around the corners to the other scaffolds. This guy swings around the corner, and the nail gun swings around and POP nails his pecker to his femur with a framing nail. The rush him to the ER, and the doctor sits on the guys stomach with a pair of pliers and twists out the nail with no meds.