What's The Best GUN JOKE u got????

[kville79]

ok, don't know if anyone has seen this... But its funny...
bass pro store, dallas (grapevine), texas

a lady was saying the other day that she saw a man driving down i- 35 and a dog was hanging on to the tail gate for dear life. She said if he hadn't been going so fast in the other direction she would have tried to stop him. A few weeks later her son sees this truck at the bass pro shop! !

the truck belongs to a taxidermist

no place but texas !!​

​

uber lolz!!!

 

[pawncop]

Man walks into his wife's bedroom, and asks "Have you been cheating on me?" She breaks down and admits she has. He pulls a gun and holds it to his head and she begs him "Don't do this!" He reply's " Don't beg, you're next!"

 

[DarkRook]

Good one, I have never heard that one before.

 

[Hoji]

I'm the only one in this room, that I know of, professional enough to handle a Glock forty."

 

[DarkRook]

Thats ok with me. To each their own. Thats why they make guns in so many different flavors.
As for me, I don't even own a Glock, Don't like Glocks, Don't want a Glock, I would sale a Glock if given one, and would not carry one for a duty weapon. I'll take my HK over a Glock anyday of the week. Yes I have shot glocks before.

I don't see where the joke is in your statement... Unless your joke is the Glock... Please explain.
"I'm the only one in this room, that I know of, professional enough to handle a Glock forty."

 

[hoytinak]

I'm the only one in this room, that I know of, professional enough to handle a Glock forty."

I almost forgot about that....

Someone have that video so DarkRook can see the joke here?

 

[DarkRook]

Are you talking about the DEA guy who shoots himself in the leg with his Glock during a presentation at a school?

Those guys seam to be a bubble or two off anyway. Maybe it was just the ones I've meet. Who knows...

 

[lonewolf23c]

Are you talking about the DEA guy who shoots himself in the leg with his Glock during a presentation at a school?

Those guys seam to be a bubble or two off anyway. Maybe it was just the ones I've meet. Who knows...

You guys mean this clip.

 

[hoytinak]

Yup, that's it.

 

[DarkRook]

Ok, then thats funny...

 

[lonewolf23c]

That guy was a complete idiot. He either never took the loaded magazine out, or had the magazine still in when he let the slide go forward.

He's no more qualified to carry that gun than one of the kids in that classroom.

 

[Texas Patriot]

Okay, I've got a few.


This is my rifle, this is my gun...

Iraq photo booth

Uh, no explanation necessary...

 

[Texas Patriot]

Alright, then, a couple of more......

How to deal with certain problems

No words to describe this.

When you're out of ammo...

 

[DarkRook]

Wait, That’s a Germany uniform, I think I know her.
I think my room mate was dating her when I was in SAM31 School in Vilseck Germany. “OH”, the stories I could tell about German women.

 

[Texas Patriot]

Wait, That’s a Germany uniform, I think I know her.
I think my room mate was dating her when I was in SAM31 School in Vilseck Germany. “OH”, the stories I could tell about German women.

I'm sure you have some good stories about the German women, but this one is Israeli.

 

[Old Man of the Mountain]

Are you talking about the DEA guy who shoots himself in the leg with his Glock during a presentation at a school?

Those guys seam to be a bubble or two off anyway. Maybe it was just the ones I've meet. Who knows...

Makes me wonder if they aren't just in the DEA for the free samples!

 

[Old Man of the Mountain]

A buddy of mine down at the range told my what happened on his street, which the "hood" is encroaching on.

What looked like two thugs in a small car parked on the curb and got out of the car as he was walking out to his truck. The two thugs saw him, one jumped across the hood of the car, when he landed, jumped a chain link fence, and continued on at a dead run. The other dove back into the car through the open window, floored it, ran the stop sign, and turned to the right, the wrong way up a one way street.

My buddy was wondering what that was all about, then realized that he had carried his M1 out to the truck without putting it in a gun case first!

 

[Hoji]

Thats ok with me. To each their own. Thats why they make guns in so many different flavors.
As for me, I don't even own a Glock, Don't like Glocks, Don't want a Glock, I would sale a Glock if given one, and would not carry one for a duty weapon. I'll take my HK over a Glock anyday of the week. Yes I have shot glocks before.

I don't see where the joke is in your statement... Unless your joke is the Glock... Please explain.
"I'm the only one in this room, that I know of, professional enough to handle a Glock forty."

Wow. You must be the only gun owner in United States who did not know that quote.

 

[pvtsnowball82]

You guys mean this clip.

YouTube - DEA AGENT SHOOTS OWN FOOT

Wow...just wow. I like how he keeps limping around and talking, as if the lesson weren't obvious enough.

 

[tex45acp]

Two AA Batteries

Ok this is not a gun joke/story, but it is about a defensive weapon!!


My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to "Well, I have outdone myself once again."

No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future.

Here goes...

Last weekend I spied something at the pawn shop that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for my wife.

The occasion was our 18th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety.

You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so.

Awesome! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop! Yipeeeeee!

I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to her what that burn spot on the face of her microwave is.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc., etc.

There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog)
and thinking that I really needed to try this thing but on a flesh and blood target.

I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. He is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? It seemed reasonable to me at the time??

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in the other. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "No friggin' way! "Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of
myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good
idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with his head cocked to one side as to say, "Don't do it buddy,"
reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the
circumstances, wouldn't you agree?).

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it.

(Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always 20-20. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya just hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY*********! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!!

I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to
be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to himself, "Do it again, do it again!"

(NOTE: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing
about on the floor . . . Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep into your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-***** ; that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My glasses were on the TV across the room. How did they get
there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, ! kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself.
Miss 'em and sure would like to get 'em back.