Fiancée & firearms

[rmantoo]

Back on topic: I think we are REALLY over analyzing taking the fiancee shooting:

-Go over the safety/handling rules at the house
-Show her basic manipulation of a .22 pistol and rifle at the house, including a little dry firing
-take those and her, and go shooting...

 

[benenglish]

Trying to steer a TGT thread back on to the original topic after 100 posts?

You, sir, may be the world's premier optimist. Kudos to you.

 

[benenglish]

You are looking for validation and I am thinking why do you need it because you feel hot?
...
I should be a life coach.

Life coach? Maybe.

I'm glad you didn't say relationship coach.

 

[rmantoo]

=
You, sir, may be the world's premier optimist. Kudos to you.

That really made me laugh!

Generally, my wife refers to me as the world's best pessimist, because one of my stock sayings is, "Plan for the worst, that way you're never disappointed, and always prepared." Sometimes I'll throw 'hope for the best' in the middle.

 

[rmantoo]

Feelings have their place and they are important.

For example, if you don’t have a healthy fear for something you might not respect it and act foolishly.

Feelings have a purpose.

Back to empathy:
I think women are hard-wired to try to find deep connections with their mate. I think it may be hard wired to be so, due to, in the history of our existence, if you don’t have it (deep connection) a woman may lose her mate and be alone and defenseless and have no provider.

So, if you humor me and accept this argument above as potentially true, we are asking women to go against the way they may be hard wired.

It’s possible to do so, and some will have this female trait more or less than others. But let’s not be glib about saying that of course that needs changed and it’s easily done any more than I should expect my man to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what to say to me to appease me (which isn’t the point, anyways).

What we've kind of worked out is that I'll sometimes say a kind of slow, "Yep," other times, I'll ask if there's anything I can do, or if a hug or a walk, or glass of sweet tea will help any.

But ALL of the time, I do my best to think through possible responses 5-10 times before answering, and try to see if her statement might resemble one of the 3472 others where I missed the implications of the initiating comment.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

Back on topic: I think we are REALLY over analyzing taking the fiancee shooting:

-Go over the safety/handling rules at the house
-Show her basic manipulation of a .22 pistol and rifle at the house, including a little dry firing
-take those and her, and go shooting...

I come by the over-analyzing honestly.

When I took the GRE exam for graduate school, I scored in the 98th percentile in the analytical section for those applying to grad school. To say it’s my bent to be so... would a gross understatement.

So it’s just the glorious benefit you get to experience when I become interested in a thread. Enjoy.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

What we've kind of worked out is that I'll sometimes say a kind of slow, "Yep," other times, I'll ask if there's anything I can do, or if a hug or a walk, or glass of sweet tea will help any.

But ALL of the time, I do my best to think through possible responses 5-10 times before answering, and try to see if her statement might resemble one of the 3472 others where I missed the implications of the initiating comment.

That sounds frustrating for you but it also shows you care a lot. I bet your SO would really love it that you do care so much to want things to be smooth between y’all (and I’m sure it also helps your day lol).

Such a disclosure from a husband is not always something wives are often lucky enough to get a glimpse of.

 

[rmantoo]

I come by the over-analyzing honestly.

When I took the GRE exam for graduate school, I scored in the 98th percentile in the analytical section for those applying to grad school. To say it’s my bent to be so... would a gross understatement.

So it’s just the glorious benefit you get to experience when I become interested in a thread. Enjoy.

Please don't take me wrong: I generally lean heavily towards thinking and believing that there is no such thing as over-analysis. Add in the fact that I type somewhere north of 80-100 wpm and many of my posts can become quite lengthy.

And I really enjoy reading and thinking about...many things... from a perspective inspired by others. I especially think Wildcat Diva's posts in this thread are, not just interesting and thought provoking, but helpful, as well. No matter how many times one might hear something from their most significant other, an uninvolved 3rd party's take is often invaluable for aiding and adding perspective.

However, at the end of the day, whether it's a 5 paragraph essay, or a dissertation, a summary is generally a good thing, and I didn't want to have been responsible for aiding and abetting the hijacking of a thread without at least offering a modicum of on-topic advice.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

Please don't take me wrong: I generally lean heavily towards thinking and believing that there is no such thing as over-analysis. Add in the fact that I type somewhere north of 80-100 wpm and many of my posts can become quite lengthy.

And I really enjoy reading and thinking about...many things... from a perspective inspired by others. I especially think Wildcat Diva's posts in this thread are, not just interesting and thought provoking, but helpful, as well. No matter how many times one might hear something from their most significant other, an uninvolved 3rd party's take is often invaluable for aiding and adding perspective.

However, at the end of the day, whether it's a 5 paragraph essay, or a dissertation, a summary is generally a good thing, and I didn't want to have been responsible for aiding and abetting the hijacking of a thread without at least offering a modicum of on-topic advice.

I’m just being funny and tongue in cheek. No problem.

 

[karlac]

Back on topic: I think we are REALLY over analyzing taking the fiancee shooting:

-Go over the safety/handling rules at the house
-Show her basic manipulation of a .22 pistol and rifle at the house, including a little dry firing
-take those and her, and go shooting...

My wife fired a pistol only once in her life, as a teenager over 50 years ago, has never fired a rifle or shotgun.

A number of years back, took her to the family's weekly target practice on my Dad's place and within two outings she was out shooting everyone on the place.

The below was her first time shooting a pistol in 50 plus years, at about 30'.

I started calling her "Yes Mam" after the second time she joined us ...

 

[Brains]

 

[m5215]

Hey I started this thread and I like where its going.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

Hooray!

 

[Sublime]

Life coach? Maybe.

I'm glad you didn't say relationship coach.

Hey 16 yrs into my first marriage isn't too shabby. I probably could of helped you but it doesn't sound like you are looking much anymore.

 

[Sublime]

You missed the part where the validation is not needing it because she is hot, it’s to signal that you are connected to her and understand her.

Well let's be honest, men have a hard time understanding women and vice versa. As far as being connected, well I'm there aren't I? I guess my point is that I am all for connecting thru conversation, I would just like it to be a bit deeper than you feel hot. My response to something like that is simply - ok.
I think women are prone to over analyze stuff too much and worry too much. Going over "I'm hot" and what it means seems to justify that. That said, my wife would probably say I lack empathy. Working in an area of human suffering for so long, I just prefer to have empathy for a bit more important stuff.

 

[benenglish]

I probably could of helped you but it doesn't sound like you are looking much anymore.

There's no doubt you did better than I did. I screwed up every way possible. And, yes, I am smart enough to stop trying after I've failed as many times as I have.

So keep on dispensing advice. Anything that sounds wrong to me...well...that just says more about me than about the validity of the advice.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

Well let's be honest, men have a hard time understanding women and vice versa. As far as being connected, well I'm there aren't I? I guess my point is that I am all for connecting thru conversation, I would just like it to be a bit deeper than you feel hot. My response to something like that is simply - ok.
I think women are prone to over analyze stuff too much and worry too much. Going over "I'm hot" and what it means seems to justify that. That said, my wife would probably say I lack empathy. Working in an area of human suffering for so long, I just prefer to have empathy for a bit more important stuff.

Saying “Ok” can absolutely be a start, and sometimes, that’s all it takes. Sometimes is doesn’t take much to validate. It’s an important small step.

So it’s not that so much that you are having empathy for the situation, you are having empathy for the PERSON.

My hope: that my love mostly “gets” me, whether I’m craving chocolate, or if I have to deal with my dad in being hospitalized. That’s what I’m looking for, in small moments of my life, important or not.

 

[rmantoo]

Saying “Ok” can absolutely be a start, and sometimes, that’s all it takes. Sometimes is doesn’t take much to validate. It’s an important small step.

One thing I've learned about 'ok,' is that if it sounds like Eddie Murphy saying "OOOOOOTAAAAYYY!" it's probably not going to be received very well. Promise.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

That’s funny!

 

[TxMongrel]

My wife is a volunteer instructor for TPWD. At BOW (Becoming an Outdoor Women) events she teaches firearms maintenance (gun cleaning etc.). The women from fearful to "lets go shooting" is amazing to watch. Once women have taken them apart and put them back together the scariness is greatly reduced.