I would like to know the correct response to "It's so hot", "It's too hot in here", "It's too hot outside", etc.
That's simple. "Yes, Dear."
You will also notice, I'm single.
I would like to know the correct response to "It's so hot", "It's too hot in here", "It's too hot outside", etc.
That's simple. "Yes, Dear."
You will also notice, I'm single.
My usual response is "You've got be kidding!"That's just it, there is no correct answer...
For me, from my spouse, it’s an answer showing acknowledgement, understanding and acceptance of my experience. If you don’t agree that, for you, it’s hot, that’s not a problem.I would like to know the correct response to "It's so hot", "It's too hot in here", "It's too hot outside", etc.
That’s understandable. I don’t care forThink it is more a woman thing. I am guessing your experience in psychology only furthers that.
I like short and concise. My wife would say I don't listen to her but hey, I can only take so much.
Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk
That’s understandable. I don’t care for
walls of text or blah-blah-blah-boring opinions either.
But...
The response you quoted as needing cliff notes was broken up into snippets of a couple sentences each, right (with breaks)? So not super cumbersome?
And while it may seem blah blah blah to you, my post meant something to me. I wasn’t just trying to waste our time.
I don’t know how else to be (detail-focused). I’m not keen to change my style of writing. More concise might be better, but my mind don’t work that way. Shaping my natural bent would make me posting here more work and less fun for me.
I can suggest just skipping my posts as boring to you or using ignore. You don’t have to read them, you know.
Maybe someone can help provide a cliff notes translation of this post that will serve.
Let's go back to the "It's so hot in here" I don't think most guys want to have a conversation on room temperature. How about "I'm really hot so I am gonna go in the shade. Wanna join me?" It is kinda like arguing where do you wanna go for dinner.
That comment “oh it’s hot” is just that, simple, me sharing an expression. I don’t mean it as a “test,” it’s not a complicated trick. It’s a simple expression.
I’m not really even wanting you (spouse) to fix it. I was capable of hauling my own ass over to the shade.
But: without me meaning it to be, it IS complex. It becomes that. It’s actually quickly becoming not a conversation about room temperature. It’s about whether or not you “get” me. I don’t mean it to be that, but it becomes that.
Just want a simple validation. A reflection. A way to somehow say: “You are feeling hot, check, I understand, I care about that. That’s information I need to move ahead with our day together.”
As opposed to “it’s not hot” being invalidating and critical of my perceptions.
Pretty much the right response is a kind of “that’s bad that you’re feeling hot.” However you want to say it. You’re just saying that you hear it and understand me.
“Yes, dear,” really isn’t that far off. I hate to say it, because that’s so cliche. It’s not so much that you agree with me, it’s that you understand and accept that what I am saying as my true situation. You care that I’m uncomfortable.
It’s a way to signal connection.
I would like to know the correct response to "It's so hot", "It's too hot in here", "It's too hot outside", etc.
My wife and I have had issues with exactly the...statement/response/disappointment or mild frustration loop you have described.
We've been together for over 15 years at this point, and although this is the absolute best woman I've ever been with, and the best relationship, I still encounter this EXACT situation quite often, and although she, like you, has gone to great lengths to explain it and educate me, I LITERALLY can't seem to get it.
I have a semi-normal range of empathetic responses, and sympathies in many situations, I am also curiously, frustratingly, unresponsive in some situations. My middle brother has Aspergers, highly functional, but there are times when I feel like I have 1 or 2% of what he has, as some situations and conversations, literally, make zero sense to me.
Intellectually, I can understand the need for validation. It's a component of all types of relationships, and even life. But when it comes to simple statements, "It's hot," "This isn't fun," "That sucks," etc, depending on the situation, I interpret it in a direction that is somewhere between 93 and 191 degrees off the axis of what was intended. Sometimes, most of the time, my response of "It's not that bad," isn't intended or motivated by oppositional defiance: It's motivated by a desire to try and mitigate the discomfort that she's feeling. Much like when a buddy or brother says, "My job/truck/whatever sucks," I don't respond that is not a bad job to try and argue. Again, it's to try and let him know that I understand, but that it's a bit better than maybe he's feeling.
Of course, with a friend, he's likely to say, "My f***ing truck sucks!" and I'm likely to say, 'F***off! Dude, your truck only has xxxx miles and runs great. GTF outtahere!!"
My wife definitely wouldn't take that kind of response well.
You missed the part where the validation is not needing it because she is hot, it’s to signal that you are connected to her and understand her."Feelings" are a dangerous thing and we surely should not be governed by them. I think that is difficult for most women to understand. You are looking for validation and I am thinking why do you need it because you feel hot?
Going on 16yrs of marriage myself and it aint't easy. Sometimes we just gotta accept the other even if we don't like the outcome if we want the long haul to work.
I should be a life coach.
Sent from my SM-T380 using Tapatalk
My wife and I just refer to it as "her own personal summer. "Dumping a glass of ice water on their head is not the correct answer either.