Fiancée & firearms

[Wildcat Diva]

My .02 cents.

Some men, me for instance, 'like' women. I like everything about them......

Sounds simplistic and it is, but it's true.

Some men, discreetly or not so discreetly hold women in contempt, though they like having sex with them, reproducing, accepting and taking their love for granted. Plus, all the myriad things women do for them is also taken for granted.

These guys don't appreciate what they have......

getting off topic here, but yeah. But liking women doesn’t mean you know the optimum way to relate.
There is a mark that is easily missed. Subtle unintended slights can get amplified in a training situation when confidence is low and emotions can get heightened.

Hell, husband gave the “wrong” response to me today when we were getting out at the farmer’s market and I lamented how hot and uncomfortable I perceived it to be outside.

Meh, twenty years have trained me to get over that small thing and let it go. But things weren’t always like that.

The whole goofy “White Men Can’t Jump” glass of water reference IS somewhat of a thing.

For men that DON’T particularly have much use for women and all their little quirks, including stereotypes that may or may not ring true, MGTOW is an interesting movement. I’ve interfaced online with some of those folks. It’s eye-opening, to say the least.

 

[benenglish]

The whole goofy “White Men Can’t Jump” glass of water reference IS somewhat of a thing.

I know the dynamic well but I had never seen that movie. Now I've looked up the reference and, yeah, that was probably a good way to put it on film. IME, it's more than somewhat of a thing; it's a big thing.

Keep going. You're teaching me stuff today and I like that.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

https://medium.com/@tsharon/honey-im-thirsty-9a57624903b

I’m at the farmer’s market now. Husband comes up to me. “What ya thinking about?” I answer cryptically, in the context of me finding this link to post: “empathy.”

“Empathy?” He echoes.

“Empathy,” I confirm.

“Empathy? I have no empathy. Empathy is for the weak.”

This is the kind of comedy that enriches my life on a daily basis.

 

[gshayd]

I will not teach the wife.... I have insisted that if she wants a CHL she will take a class from a guy I know who is a great instructor for the ladies.

 

[Brains]

Meh, twenty years have trained me to get over that small thing and let it go. But things weren’t always like that.

The whole goofy “White Men Can’t Jump” glass of water reference IS somewhat of a thing.

For men that DON’T particularly have much use for women and all their little quirks, including stereotypes that may or may not ring true, MGTOW is an interesting movement. I’ve interfaced online with some of those folks. It’s eye-opening, to say the least.

I'm sure 20 years have also trained you that it's a two-way street. Anyone who thinks they can live life with a partner and not accept the fact men and women are different and complimentary, are really missing the point.

The White Men Can't Jump example, to many a guy, is ... well ... insanity. That's the point of the skit. Men are very simple creatures who don't live in the women's world of nuanced, non-verbal communication. "I'm thirsty" will always mean, simply, there is a desire for the consumption of a beverage. There's no point in uttering those two words unless you are, in fact, thirsty. Guys like me, well we're simply unable to understand an I actually meant message behind a statement like that. My wife understands this and while I'm sure she really wishes I could 'read' her, knows as hard and ultimately hilariously I may try, I'm really just guessing. Flipping the coin, there's things I do that make absolutely no sense to her. Why I am strongly compelled to understand how things work in order to use them is a very bizarre concept, for instance. She loves to shoot, but the mechanics behind how the striker or hammer/seer functions is 100% off her radar and she finds no value in knowing. It makes no difference in being able to shoot well.

Our differences really come into play, and show their strength, in parenting. I'm sure any parent will agree that each parent approaches things in a different manner. There's stereotypes here too, right? How many Moms have said to a friend on the phone "I'm the disciplinarian around here, Dad always gets to be the fun parent" and then minutes later yelled to a misbehaving child "you just wait until your Dad gets home!" knowing he'll snap the kid in line?

 

[Wildcat Diva]

Interestingly, finding that link had taken me full circle to a topic I was already researching this week. Off topic again. Can do a new spinoff thread if needed, but maybe not.

So, I’m trying to help one of my sons. The one who is more like me, and more academic than the other two. I got the news that he’s finally decided on his college career past the two years of basics and it will be ... psychology. Totally predictable based on him and me, our bents, but ugh. He likes studying people but doesn’t really want to work as a clinician. Then while looking up alternative psychology careers, I see this field I’ve never heard of called: UX designer.

Really sort of fits his interest, tweaking products (mostly electronic medium) to make them more user friendly. Empathy is needed to understand the consumer. He totally agreed that it fits and would like to learn more about that as a career. So I’m pursuing YouTube and books and podcasts, learning... hopefully helping. This career will need a lot of extra study side jags of computer technology, research. marketing, and graphic design.


That link I found on the ‘empathy”/glass of water reference took me back again to that site with its design and UX type discussion. Interesting, very much so.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

In case anyone is curious, the husband’s “wrong” response to me lamenting the discomfort at getting out in this heat was composed of four words, simply ...

...

“It’s. Not. That. Hot.”

I can bypass my switch that at one time would get flipped, now (and of course that’s a very small, minor example, but a good one, and a real one, in REAL time, from this morning).

Maybe the improvement is due to the reduced hormones of menopause, or the political commentary I’ve ingested voraciously for the past three years since 2016, teaching me to better reason and argue logically. But still, an emotionally charged firebrand lurks beneath the surface, somewhat, still.

I believe that such an example, does illustrate the kind of challenges men and women face, whilst relating to each other.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

To share the way of thinking that often grasps women in a stranglehold and causes the interrelational strife:

it’s not the fact that husband disagrees with me on whether it’s unbearably hot or not. It’s not a selfish thing, really. It’s more of a “wow, you don’t ‘get’ me” signal. “I thought we were connected” kind of thing gets triggered. Probably biological, evolutionary response, to ensure that my man is connected to me, and going to stick around and protect me/ provide for me: basic survival instinct.

Once I can convince myself, “don’t worry, that comment is not meaning that (the disconnection)” (in some convoluted way), then I can dismiss the general response to the switch flipping and not react and let it go.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

About a month ago, my GF said that it was really hot.
My reply was "it's really not that hot".

My meaning was, it's not any where near as hot as it's going to get, as we progress into summer.

I don't think she appreciated it...

 

[Wildcat Diva]

Think about it: traditionally, throughout time, women been replaceable when it comes to men, replaceable with younger, more attractive versions if it suits. Look up “sexual market value” kind of topics.

In order to ensure that a woman survives and is provided for and protected, historically, we’ve needed to go beyond ensuring that we have selected a man who meets our basic needs (brings me a glass of water when thirsty). I would have needed to ensure that the man I’ve hitched my wagon to is connected to me and has prioritized me to the point that he won’t cast me aside when something younger and prettier shows up.

I’m wondering if that’s where that kind of thinking regarding hypersensitivity to “deep connection” comes from.

 

[avvidclif]

To share the way of thinking that often grasps women in a stranglehold and causes the interrelational strife:

it’s not the fact that husband disagrees with me on whether it’s unbearably hot or not. It’s not a selfish thing, really. It’s more of a “wow, you don’t ‘get’ me” signal. “I thought we were connected” kind of thing gets triggered. Probably biological, evolutionary response, to ensure that my man is connected to me, and going to stick around and protect me/ provide for me: basic survival instinct.

Once I can convince myself, “don’t worry, that comment is not meaning that (the disconnection)” (in some convoluted way), then I can dismiss the general response to the switch flipping and not react and let it go.

Cliff's notes version.

 

[Wildcat Diva]

Thinking and discussing through things is a process I find valuable and it’s my habit, and it’s what I’m good at.

If you want someone who provides a short concise summary, I’m not ya girl for that.

 

[Mowingmaniac 24/7]

Wildcat Diva,

You just did!

 

[m5215]

Very good comments on this thread. Please continue if anyone has anything more to add...

 

[Byrd666]

So, I'm sitting in the living room reading with the tv on, the gf is cussing and cursing about something in the dining room, almost in tears, and I finally hear it, "Byrd, will you help me." Understand, this had been going on for well over an hour, and I had offered help after the first "********", but was quickly turned down.

She had been doing some kind of paperwork for her job, Manager at a specialty shop, and brought it home instead of doing there. If I remember right, it had something to do with some invoices and payroll. The invoices and inventory didn't match, or something, and the payroll was on a 100 minute clock. The invoice/inventory took a few minutes to find the discrepancy but, was a minor f-up on somebody else's shoulders. The clock thing though, that took quite a bit longer. She just couldn't grasp the idea of doing the 24 hour clock backwards. Particularly when transferring that concept to a 100 minute time clock. To her, it was 24 hour days, 60 minutes an hour, and 60 seconds a minute, PERIOD!!

It was quite the experience for me to check, and drop off my ego and explain to her, in ways that she would understand, and by using language and practical examples that related to what she already knew that would apply to this situation. Then, after doing one, and putting that example to paper, I watched her do one herself and walked away. About 20 minutes or so later, I'm hearing her crying and laughing a bit followed by a very loud "FINALLY", or equivalent. She told me not too long ago, that she still uses what and how I taught her to this day and used it to teach others with it. Even though we have split a long time ago. Still makes me feel good. I've also never tried to each another girlfriend. It was entirely too stressful for us both during that exercise.

And a day or two after the above evening, I had a plate, and every knife within her reach thrown at me 'cause I said "Something." No idea what I said, really.

The point of this, was that it takes somebody very special, with just the right skills, temperament, etc. to teach a significant other. To those that do, I tip my hat to you. To those that don't, please let somebody else do it and let them be the enemy.

 

[benenglish]

I re-read Deborah Tannen's book You Just Don't Understand every few years. I used to read it every year but I'm no longer trying to get dates.

 

[oldag]

Having read the recent posts, I am extremely glad that my wife of lo these many years is either far less complicated or infinitely more patient (or both) than some women apparently are.

Really would not want to live my life playing 3D chess blindfolded while trying to use telepathy to figure out the next move.

 

[Sublime]

Thinking and discussing through things is a process I find valuable and it’s my habit, and it’s what I’m good at.

If you want someone who provides a short concise summary, I’m not ya girl for that.

Think it is more a woman thing. I am guessing your experience in psychology only furthers that.

I like short and concise. My wife would say I don't listen to her but hey, I can only take so much.

Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk

 

[Bozz10mm]

I would like to know the correct response to "It's so hot", "It's too hot in here", "It's too hot outside", etc.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

I would like to know the correct response to "It's so hot", "It's too hot in here", "It's too hot outside", etc.

That's just it, there is no correct answer...