stupid stuff "we" do.. least i do..

[Wolfwood]

i have quite a few of these stories. most of which involve a certain buddy of mine.

most kids would play fight with sticks, bamboo shafts etc, we used walmart machetes and fleamarket swords. never had any serious injuries from that, but he has two flat knuckles from where i shaved the top of his hand with a brand new machete and i've got a wicked scar aross the top of my left wrist, usually covered by my watch where i parried a blow from a fleamarket shortsword. i think if it was abpout an inch closer to my hand it would have been alot worse, as it would have caught the side of the joint.

i wokeup with wicked heartburn and decided to walk to the gas station to get some tums.
had a pepper eating contest the previous night with an indian and a mexican. that plus the booze made for a painful morning up top and down below.
i got to the gas station and they wanted 8 bucks for a half stick of lifesavers worth of tums. **** THAT SHIT im going across the street to albertsons. with me so far?

so i leave and head for the crosswalk. i wait for my signal, and move across the intersection. as im mid street, and about to cross the right turn lane with a big truck in the lane closer to me i realize i cant really see past the truck to make sure the coast is clear 'cause some people seem to think that if they're turning right - red lights dont apply to them at all.

i look and there is an Aspen waaaay down there. and they have their blinker on, cool they're going to hit the side entrance to albertsons. i focus on the sidewalk and continue my morning stagger to the other crossing signal.

I looked to the right at the sound of a blaring horn - and the aspen is ontop of me! WHAM! my right leg crunches in their fender, the knee is full of left blinker lens, and i spin to absorb the inertia only partially by choice - left hand went up to hold ballance and ended up punching a hole in the windshield, and my face - mainly my chin contacts the driver side mirror and knocks it over the big truck into the far lane.

I maintained my footing - saw the mangled car and thought "**** i broke their car and i cant even afford conveniant tums, i gotta get outta here. so i keep going to albertsons.

lots of honking from intersection - "are you OKs" and stuff, i turn around and see allt he shiny glass and stuff scattered around and also see some kindof liquid droplets allover the road. they formed a trail. i followed that trail with my eyes across the street onto the sidealk intot he BBQ place's parking lot. and up my jeans and realize "i'm kinda hurt" i touched my face, and felt meat where there should have been beard, and sideways beard where there should have been nothing. chin was mangled with skin hanging down. hand was mangled - visible ... stuff? hanging out, and sparkly blood soaked bits of glass embedded into my palm top of my thumb and forefinger. nerves are still weird in my left hand.



lessons learned from that one -

Dont try to out eat an indian when it comes to eating spicy on the same night as drinking beer and tequila with a mexican.

Settle convenient Tums

Dont relate to the EMS guys you drank the day before - because they tell the cops you were drunk and they write it up like i'm sipping from a brown bag staggering through traffic. so instead of an insurance check you nearly get a citation.

Dont buy an Aspen, as they can't really take a punch.

 

[Wolfwood]

make sure the deli slicer is off before you try to take that scrap peice of turkey out of the guide.

i lost a slice of my palm like that - grew back suprising fine - complete with most of the original lines intact strangley enough, but i never found that piece of me in the bucket of sliced meat.

There was a really weird Chef Salad someone got at a particular burger joint in particular town in a particular state.

 

[TimberWolf7.62]

So this one time in high school, I went partying with some friends that were country boys. We cruised a number of “lover’s lanes”, looking for a full house. We also wanted a parking spot with a single, long approach lane. Not that we wanted to park. We just wanted to insure that the people who were already parking had a little privacy.

To insure this privacy, we pulled back up the exit road, hopped out of the trucks, and chainsawed a couple of pine trees down across the only road out.

For most of these people, this ensured privacy until well into the next morning. Until they walked a few miles to where they could call for a tow truck. If there’s only one road out, and you’re sitting in a car, you don’t have much opportunity to go over or around the obstacle. That’s one reason we hit parking areas that didn’t have trucks in them – because people in trucks tend to have chainsaws, towropes, and other tools that would allow them to remove the fallen trees. Cell phones wouldn’t be invented for another decade or so.

I wonder how many people got grounded. I can imagine the exchange:

“It’s 9:00 a.m.! Where have you been, young lady?”

“Well, somebody sawed a tree down across the road . . . “

“Across the road? The road at the movie theater? You WERE at the movie, WEREN’T you?”

“Well, . . . not exactly . . . “