stupid stuff "we" do.. least i do..

[granite]

I wasn't in elementary school yet. My older brothers all got Bb guns for Christmas. Sister and i snuck out two of the Bb guns to shoot them. We didn't know how to properly load them. We stuck a bb into the barrell and headed off somewhere to shoot them. I pointed the rifle down and the bb rolled out of the barrel. No problem I put another bb in and put my thumb over the barrel to hold it in there. Moments later I'm crying and running to mom.

"Whaaa whaaa".
What happened!
" I....uhh...fell down!! Whaaaa!"

My thumb is bleeding ( shot myself if you haven't figured that out yet)

My older brother is getting the blood off my thumb. He sees something shiny and grabs a needle. He essentially spins the bb with the needle and makes a comment asking how a bb got lodged in my thumb

I'm past the whhaaaing and have settled down to a sobber. I announce that I must have fell on the bb.

I still have A half moon scar on my thumb print where the flesh folded over.

 

[granite]

I built a plywood boat. 8' long. 4 ft wide. Book said rated for 5 HP. Only motor around was a 20 horse. Borrowed it from my brother who said it was too big. I convinced him the book said the boat was rated for 20 HP. No problem.

So me. My brother. My nephew head out to the lake. We put it in the water and bolt the motor up. I start it and take off but immediately stop. The front kicked up high and I was scared it would flip. I tell my nephew to sit in the front of the boat to keep it down.

So now there are two people in an 8' boat. Me at 6'1" and nephew at 6'4". That was a site in itself.My brother has the tailgate down and is watching.

I crank it up and take off. I'm committed at this point. It kicks up and then comes back glen and we are planing......for maybe 5 seconds......the. the boat starts swerving left anx right. I look back and catch that magic moment. Like a Snapshot. The motor is just laying on the waters surface. Then it sinks 30' to the bottom of the lake.

I look towards my brother at the shoreline sitting on the tailgate. He lays his back down as he realizes he just lost his motor.

I dont have squat In the boat. We have to paddle back with our hands.

Another time i connected the biggest rc plane propeller i could get to the front of a gas weedeater. Turned it into an air boat. Didnt work well. The propller tightened the nut as it spun until it couldn't spin no more.

When it snowed I hooked a rope to it and my truck and took the neighboorhood kids "sledding".

it was a great boat with an electric trolling motor. Lol. I could stand up and steer it by leaning left or right. It was great for bass fishing cause I could stand and cast/reel the shoreline while controlling the direction it went. I miss it. Was named water melon. Outside was green. Inside was painted red. It slowly rotted away on the banks of a small pond

 

[pistolpadre]

Well, you know, now that you mention it . . . . I guess I was just disappointed that I didn't get the threesome.

Great attitude brother.. and for what it's worth (nada) this sentence is just flat funny.. quoting timberwolf here "I hooked up with one of the blonde's, Jennifer, on a fairly frequent schedule, but she was in the middle of a divorce or already divorced, or still married, or maybe none of the above"

Here's something from the "can't happen" file.. Accidental discharge or AD.. always heard "if you shoot enough" bla bla.. i thought it was imposable.. really imposable as i did stuff right.. no way i was ever going to have one.. can you see this coming from like NM..

circa 1986.. had a light weight Cmdr that i was getting ready for the new sport of PPC.. lived in an Apt E side of Tucson.. every night i did the "dime" drill on the front sight, followed by some tactical mag changes .. empty.. then "to go safe" i did a "wipe down" changed to loaded mags.. put the piece in condition one, and in the night stand..

So after doing the same drill i'd done for the past three months.. sober by the way.. i wiped down the Cmdr. put a round in battery, "dropped and topped" the magazine.. and i swear i have no idea how THIS happened.. i took the same sight picture i'd taken hundreds of times before..(an orange planter the GF owned) and put a CCI 185 gr (we called them flying ashtrays cause the hollow point was so wide) dead solid center of the planter..

little one bedroom apt. GF came down the hallway crying from the explosion, hadn't even seen the planter yet .. just because of the noise.. guys i qualified for the dept for two decades.. honestly seen it all.. first time i've ever had the loss of fine finger movement you hear about.. This is in just about every way the most embarrassing thing i've ever done.. i will never again say "it can't happen".. but positive it wont.. one is enough, and thank our good Lord no damage (other than the planter.. a coffee table.. through the sofa.. and into the base board)

 

[Ole Cowboy]

Well, you know, now that you mention it . . . . I guess I was just disappointed that I didn't get the threesome.

LOL cannot say as I blame you at all...

​

 

[TimberWolf7.62]

and for what it's worth (nada) this sentence is just flat funny.. quoting timberwolf here "I hooked up with one of the blonde's, Jennifer, on a fairly frequent schedule, but she was in the middle of a divorce or already divorced, or still married, or maybe none of the above"

[[/FONT][/FONT]

That girl had snakes in her head. I never got the same story twice from her.

OK, here's a 'stupid' story:

One night, Susan and I were having sex on the beach – literally, not the drink – and it was almost dawn and she wanted to do it again. I pointed out the coming dawn, but she insisted. So I started doing my duty and soon the sun seemed to leap above the horizon and put a spotlight right on us.

People commuting to work in their cars started to honk at us.

“Oh, s&*t”, said Susan. “Hold that blanket up so I can get dressed!” Yeah, now she’s worried about it. . . kind of like I told her two minutes ago? . . . Oh, never mind. We managed to get dressed and get out of there before the police came, but I was almost glad when her husband came back to town and took her off my hands.

 

[M. Sage]

OK, so one fine day several years ago, I'm working at a shitty exhaust shop you've all heard of and had just got done heating and bending an exhaust pipe on a customer's car. Made that sucker glow cherry red and used a stand and pry bar to get the pipe to stop rubbing on the frame. Anyway, I get done with that, move the stand so I can bring the car down and someone walks over and asks me a question as I'm still standing under the car. I do something I've done a million times - reach up one hand and find something I can hang onto so I can kind of "lean" without leaning. Yeah. You know what I grabbed.

You know in the cartoons, where they put their hand on a hot stove and they notice what's going on because of the smoke and smell? It really happens. Hurt like a bitch, skin was fried hard as a rock for a week or so.

I stood there for a second, looking at the wisps of smoke and kind of going, "wait a second here..." and basically just trying to get my brain to catch up with the situation.

Another time, and not that long ago, I'm getting the fans on this customized Supra Turbo wired up, and I need to check polarity but they're spinning too fast to see if they're pulling or pushing (needed to be pulling). So I come up with a grand plan! Those "warning, fan will cut your fingers off!" stickers are more or less bullshit. If it's a puller fan, you're on the trailing edge of the blades and your fingers will bounce off, something I learned years ago. I won't even hesitate to reach into a BMW, grab the engine-driven fan and stop it with my bare hand. Anyway, that pops into my head - if I've got the polarity right, I can just stick a finger into the fan and it'll bounce right off!

...yeah, I put a finger into the fan before the corollary occurred to me, which is that if I got the polarity wrong, I'm on the leading edge!!

I had the fucking polarity wrong, or this wouldn't be a story now would it? Blade hit my finger, bit in and stalled the fan momentarily. Owwwwwww, motherfucker! Piece of paper towel and some electrical tape and I was good.

 

[swcc22]

So I was changing king pins on a sterling truck and I had to heat the hell out of the stearing knuckle and I beat on that thing for hell probably two hours. Just kept heating it and beating it.
Finally it came out and bounced across the shop. I turn the torch off and walked over to it and u guessed it bent down and picked it up I still have the scars on my left hand. A few years later I had a problem with an injector harness on a Detroit series 60 engine so I was standing on the tire soldering the injector harness and a piece of solder fell down into the crank case and boom the oil pan blows off. Oil everywhere scared the shit out of me and for two years after that we would find pieces of that oil pan. (Oil pans on those motors are made out of fiberglass)
The only easy day was yesterday.

 

[M. Sage]

Fiberglass oil pans!? Awesome! Aluminum is about as light as car makers are willing to go, and I bet they're not much stronger than fiberglass... One rock and they're done.

Old boss bought an Audi TT from someone that had punched the (cast aluminum) oil pan, figuring he'd make easy money with a little body work and an oil pan. Tried to warn him the engine was going to be screwed... Pulled the oil pan, could see powder coming off a couple of the mains. He bought a main kit.

Didn't want to listen to me that the turbo was going to be done, too. I mean... what on a car spins at 150,000 RPM and runs 400 degrees? Oh yeah.. that turbo. Run it out of oil and it gets ugly fast.

Of course, the turbo was shot. Could barely turn the stupid thing.

 

[pistolpadre]

Bit of a a gender deal here... Most Women, not all obviously. but most gals wouldn't get why Sages story caused a mix of out loud laughter, and the "OHMAHGOSHNOOOPLEASENOO" thing.. my hands are still sweating... it's that micro second Sage called your mind "catching up" when you know this ones bad, but not sure if it's ER time or not..

Here's one i bet you've all had .. the BAD cut.. not talking about a little blood and a cut through the epidermis.. Talking the ones that go close to bone, and pretty much start soaking everything with a LOT of blood.. My last was Thanksgiving four years ago.. i was doing a dandy fine slice and dice job on a 30 pounder when i decided to skip the whole breast thing and go for the index finger..

Don't know if any of you guys have read my thread on sharpening.. if your into knifes or sharpening .. check it out.. i'm actually serious about the subject and like putting virtual scalpel edges on blades.. So here's the family watching dad bleed out.. my "moment" didn't last to long.. maybe a second or two, then i had everyone screaming and causing more stress than the wound.. As luck had it i've got an alpha son-n-law. serious hunter, and a great guy.. He calms the assembled mass while dear ol grandpa takes his blood dispensing finger to the garage.. ER is an hour and a half out, and Thanksgiving.. so i did Sages paper towel and duct tape.. took four re wraps and six hours for it to stop bleeding. Course it did, and i didn't have to use the "stitch kit" i've carried around for years.

 

[Younggun]

Speaking of cuts.

Decided one day to go out and cut some mesquite so it could get good and dry in case I decided to barbecue some day. Got the chainsaw gassed up, cranked it to make sure it was G2G and then headed to the pasture.

For some reason the chainsaw decided to start running like crap. Rev up real good then just fall on its face for a little bit, then pick up again.

So I'm cutting this limb at about shoulder height and it lays over to the ground with just a little bark left holding it but in a position I would have to cut more to get to the stubborn spot. I decide it will be easier just to cut it from the bottom.

So I raise the chain saw and start to cut but just as it contacts the limb the engine sputters and tries to die. Just as I start to relax my arms and lower the chainsaw it licks up again and cuts through the last bit of bark.

Limb comes down, catches still recede chainsaw, and brings it down directly on to my knee. I see some blood but I'm mostly pissed off so I cut the limb in to smaller pieces, throw them in the truck and head back to the house.

Didn't think much of it until I here my mom say "OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED?". I look down and see a large red stain on my knee and claim it was a mesquite thorn cause it's all I could think of to save myself the embarrassment of admitting I almost hacked my leg off.

Went inside to take a look and realize I had cut down to my knee cap. I got some tweezers and pulled out the wood chips, rinsed with water, and gave it a good dose of peroxide. Luckily because of the shape of the teeth on a chainsaw blade it left a flap of skin I was able to fold back over the cut and put some of that white hospital tape to hold it down.

Got a nice little scar now and catch hell from my wife any time I mention getting out the chainsaw.

 

[TXDARKHORSE361]

Got a few myself but on the subject of cutting yourself I've got one. When I was about 14 or so I was on a week long canoeing trip on the Colorado river with the Boy Scouts, well we were just hanging out at camp one day so I was just sitting at a table whittling on a broken oar. I had some cheap pocket knife I was using and was getting some weird angles on the wood, well the "lock" failed on me and the blade folded right up into my index finger. Took me a second to realize what happened because I cut the nerve endings and didn't realize until the blood started flowing. Luckily (and unluckily) my dad was one of the scout leaders so after running water over it and wrapping it in paper towels I walked over to where they were. Took the towel off and you could literally move the chunk of skin out of the way so it was a pretty good gash, I thought my dad is gonna kill me and was sure I needed stitches. Nope dad poured peroxide over it and wrapped the crap out of it, popped me upside the head and told me to be more careful. Still have my finger but now I have scar.

Similar story but I'll keep this one short, my first job was bussing tables and one night I was taking out the trash from the bar area, I had just rolled the whole can over because there wasn't a bag. Heaved the can up and flipped it over into the dumpster when a broken beer bottle caught my finger on the way down, ended up having to leave work early because I got blood all over my shirt and my manager was scared I'd freak the customers out. Same hand different finger.

 

[ZX9RCAM]

I was about 10.
I got mad at my older brother, started chasing him, & he locked me out of the house.
I guess I had seen too many movies, but I thought I could bust open the door with my shoulder.

Of course the door opened out, not in, so I was going against door jamb & all, not that it
would have made a difference most likely.

Anyway, long story short I broke my collarbone, lol.

 

[M. Sage]

Bit of a a gender deal here... Most Women, not all obviously. but most gals wouldn't get why Sages story caused a mix of out loud laughter, and the "OHMAHGOSHNOOOPLEASENOO" thing.. my hands are still sweating... it's that micro second Sage called your mind "catching up" when you know this ones bad, but not sure if it's ER time or not..

Here's one i bet you've all had .. the BAD cut.. not talking about a little blood and a cut through the epidermis.. Talking the ones that go close to bone, and pretty much start soaking everything with a LOT of blood.. My last was Thanksgiving four years ago.. i was doing a dandy fine slice and dice job on a 30 pounder when i decided to skip the whole breast thing and go for the index finger..

Don't know if any of you guys have read my thread on sharpening.. if your into knifes or sharpening .. check it out.. i'm actually serious about the subject and like putting virtual scalpel edges on blades.. So here's the family watching dad bleed out.. my "moment" didn't last to long.. maybe a second or two, then i had everyone screaming and causing more stress than the wound.. As luck had it i've got an alpha son-n-law. serious hunter, and a great guy.. He calms the assembled mass while dear ol grandpa takes his blood dispensing finger to the garage.. ER is an hour and a half out, and Thanksgiving.. so i did Sages paper towel and duct tape.. took four re wraps and six hours for it to stop bleeding. Course it did, and i didn't have to use the "stitch kit" i've carried around for years.

Yep! That moment when you feel the pressure of the edge on your skin... and then the little electric shock like feeling of the pressure disappearing. Ffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....

Hahaha, that's a good story! Got me laughing over here.

I get so many cuts and scratches at work that I find them later and wonder what happened. It's fun when I find them with parts cleaner. :0 Brake cleaner is probably the most fun way.

 

[jocat54]

We were remodeling our bathroom and I was making some oak trim and using the table router. Was doing the last long piece of oak when I thought that if I moved the guard up and out of the way I would be able to see the last of the cut better and reposition my hands better. Well when I moved the guard and repositioned my hands, I moved the work piece just enough that the router bit grabbed the wood and sucked my right hand into the 20,000rpm bit. It happened so fast that I didn't really realize exactly what had happened. Just remember there was a really sickening thudding sound. I didn't even look at my hand...just grabbed some paper towels and wrapped my hand up and headed for the house from the shop. Left a trail of blood all the way. Was there by myself and thought I need to stop the bleeding or I might pass out. Got in the bathroom and uncovered my hand and my thumb and two fingers just looked like hamburger meat. Ran water over them to wash them out and then got the really stupid idea of pouring alcohol over them......it hurt so bad thought I was going to pass out and bleed to death. The next stupid thing I did was wrapped them in gauze real tight to stop the bleeding....that worked....the stupid part is getting the gauze off at the ER with the dried blood holding the gauze on.

The fun part.... my wife was still working in San Antonio, so I called her and told her what had happened and I was on my way to San Antonio to go to the ER.....but I would meet her at Home Depot...because If I had to drive to town I might as well get some stuff for the remodel job. Wasn't very nice when I meet her at HD and she saw my hand.

A few stitches later and some trimming of stuff....all is good except the fingernail on my trigger finger is deformed and a few scars.

They put those guards on there for a reason

 

[TXDARKHORSE361]

Ouch, every horror story I've heard with saws has involved a phrase similar to "I moved/removed the guard" yup ain't gonna happen. I've knicked myself a few times when I used to build skateboard ramps, don't feel like finding out what something worse would feel like.

 

[benenglish]

OK, here's a 'stupid' story:

Yep, that was stupid.

Here's stupid and short (because the long version would go on for pages): In the 1990s, I went to the annual AVN awards regularly. One year my weight was way down and my confidence high enough that I decided to show up at the after-party thrown by Vivid in their suite atop the Rio. The doorman knew me and let me in but when the main event started it was painfully obvious that I'd arrived alone. I thought I could talk one of the ladies into hanging with me for a while but the girls I knew well were either absent or "busy". I was rather forcefully asked to leave.

How stupid is it to get into the orgy of the year then plan so poorly that you get thrown out after less than an hour? Yep, that's stupid.

 

[M. Sage]

Hah. My brother had a stupid saw moment last year. Took the end of his thumb off. He was cutting some paneling, skipped the push block. Well, the paneling shattered on the blade just before the end of the cut. Whoops.

 

[pistolpadre]

Did ya all read Jocat54's story the same way i did.. sorta sick and yet laughing at the same time.. you either get that are you don't.. I'm sure not trying to explain fundamental gender things.. Not even sure if that doesn't make us over the top strange, but i know if i read that to my wife she would be mad.. and jo.. yep i get the HD and upset spousal unit.. EVERY time i do something that causes blood and or pain my wife is NOT appreciative of it.. what sorta gets me is i don't ask for sympathetic stuff "post" event... which is good cause there wouldn't be any..

 

[Greg_TX]

I have a long list of 'stupid' to choose from, but one of the more memorable ones is the time I helped drop a house.

Yep - a house. Well, actually it was a mobile home, but a house nonetheless.

My sister and bro-in-law had just moved it to a new lot, and instead of paying to have someone level it and block it up, we (Kenny and I) figured we'd do it ourselves. We had plenty of cinder blocks, stands, shims, a couple of big bottle jacks for lifting, and a homemade water level we made with a milk jug and a couple of long lengths of clear 3/8" hose. How hard could it be, right?

So, anyway, we get the jacks and stands in place, set up the level, and then start cranking 'er up. We'd lift it up, check the level, tighten up each stand, and so forth until we thought we almost had it. Unfortunately, we spent to much time on one side and it ended up being a bit higher than the other side. A lot higher, apparently. It was just about level from front to back, but listing to the side. Eventually it slipped and all the jackstands on the first side flew out from under the house, with a few ending up in the street some 30' away. As soon as the first side dropped, the stands on the other side went sailing into the neighbors yard. One of the jacks was ruined; you wouldn't think it would be possible to bend the top screw extension part on a 20-ton jack, but we did.

Since the wheels were on and the tongue still blocked, although raised up by several inches just before the crash, the house fell less than a foot and didn't actually hit the ground. My sister was in the house unpacking things and putting up stuff, and needless to say the inside was a mess. She was pissed. Very pissed. We bought another jack, and with our newly-acquired knowledge of what not to do we managed to get it set. We spent the next day fixing the broken windows and getting doors to open and close properly, but finally got it all done.

And yes, alcohol was involved in this incident...

 

[pistolpadre]

Greg TX ended his "And yes, alcohol was involved in this incident".. oh my.. it's reached that time.. buckle up brothers..

Stole a shore patrol truck in Rota Spain.. (they were called cause of the disturbance, and i figured since they were going to take us back to the brig i'd drive.. Gospel story guys.. and i can't lie about that.. couldn't get it out of gear so the SP just walked along side of me, reached in and turned the ignition off..

Ruined a Wedding in Manila ... i was best man, bride and groom are kneeling on the pew in front of the priest.. the brides gal covers her with a shawl (PI tradition) i figured it was for both so i cover my buddy the groom with it.. big ol shaw.. he's like helping me.. priest brings the whole thing to a stop and kicks me out.. 86'th at a wedding..

rode a sporty through a bar in Florence AZ, it was NOT the first bar i'd ridden a scoot through..

won't even list the fights.. but for those of you who are old enough to remember when cowboys and bikers didn't get along.. this was a long time ago.. man those cowboys didn't like you dancing with their women.. lost most of the fights fueled by alcohol..

two quick ones with my brother though.. rest his soul he loved to talk about me taking on a PI cab driver in front of the manila hilton.. guess i went over his hood.. couldn't have been my fault, and a fight followed.. then taking on some German fireman .. this would have been like early seventies.. i was on crutches at the time.. bub said i chased them off.. running after them with crutches.. lucky for me they didn't know my alcohol win loss record and stick those crutches where the sun don't shine..

In the years since i've excepted the Lord this has all stopped.. i'll drink a beer or two every night.. but being drunk (for me) is one of those absolutes that i know is wrong.. smiling here, as their are so many thing i want to say, but not necessary.. and maybe wrong after the content.. all i know is when you're ready for him he's at the door waiting for you to knock..