stupid stuff "we" do.. least i do..

[Younggun]

When I was very young my dad had one of them big remote control planes with about a 5' wing span. He crashed it and something broke that never got fixed.

One day I got the bright idea that with those wings, a little rope to tie them on, the garage roof, and a good run I should be able to glide all the way across the street.

I didn't run fast enough I guess.

 

[Younggun]

Bout 15 and overheard the neighbor talking about how you could blow up come cans by filling them with acetylene and shooting them with a .22.

I grabbed the small acetylene bottle my dad had for soldering copper pipes and tried my damnedest but the cans wouldn't blow. Needed to get home and figure out why it wasn't working.

So back at the house I get a can and fill it up. Take one of those aim n flame lighters and carefully put it near the opening. Small flame kit and burned at the mouth of the can. I FIGURED OUT THE PROBLEM!

So I pull out the cutting torch, fill the can with it, then give it a shot of oxygen.

That fixed it alright. Put me on my ass and my ears range for a full day. Pieces of can went in the bed of both trucks I was hiding between and somehow I was lucky enough not to get hit. Well, least not by the can, my mom was harder to dodge.

 

[Dhayes]

LOL..."I didn't run fast enough I guess"

 

[ROGER4314]

I used to hang out with Bonnie during the summer on the San Jac River. I had a Kawasaki Ultra 150 Jet Ski which was one fast SOB! My lady and I used to go out to a secluded area around the river bend to skinny dip.

After sunning and swimming a while, we took turns on running the Jet Ski down the river. I saw a huge bird and being an adventurous soul, I decided to give chase as it took off. I came up behind that damned bird and out of its ass came an unbelievable shit storm! I did not know that a bird could shit so much! I had to remove my glasses as they were painted with white, juicy poop as was the Jet Ski and my body from head to toe. I made it to shore where I gave the boat, and my body a complete bath.

2 Lessons learned: When an aquatic bird takes off, they lighten their load to enable an easier climb.
When people use the term "shit storm" I can now relate to exactly what they mean!

Flash

 

[Younggun]

Dumbest thing I ever did.

Arguing with my mom when I was 14. Shoulda shut my mouth but didn't do my mom went to pop me like she would when it was time for me to just shut up and listen.

For some reason it clicked in my head that I was big enough to not let her so I put my hand up and grabbed her wrist just a few inches before her hand made contact with my yapper. There was a dead silence then out of the corner of my eye I saw my dad moving at a high rate of speed.

Next thing I new there was a force propelling me towards my room and I remember thinking "shit, my doors not open enough for me to fit through".

1. It opened the rest of the way when I hit it

2. I lost the argument

3. I learned that sometimes it's best just to take a slap in the face and move on.

Looking back, that was some damned good parenting.

 

[BIGPAPIGREG]

Dumbest thing I ever did.

Arguing with my mom when I was 14. Shoulda shut my mouth but didn't do my mom went to pop me like she would when it was time for me to just shut up and listen.

For some reason it clicked in my head that I was big enough to not let her so I put my hand up and grabbed her wrist just a few inches before her hand made contact with my yapper. There was a dead silence then out of the corner of my eye I saw my dad moving at a high rate of speed.

Next thing I new there was a force propelling me towards my room and I remember thinking "shit, my doors not open enough for me to fit through".

1. It opened the rest of the way when I hit it

2. I lost the argument

3. I learned that sometimes it's best just to take a slap in the face and move on.

Looking back, that was some damned good parenting.

Something close to that---> I mouthed off to my Ma, next thing I knew it all went dark. When I came to, my pops was looking at me and said, " You may talk to your mother that way but you aint gonna talk to MY wife like that." "Now get up and clean up this mess"
i'm soooo glad my folks beat me on a daily basis

 

[pistolpadre]

another "scoot" story, but this one was on the full size one below.. on (think ) 88 N along side of Roosevelt lake.. i'm at the posted 65 or so it's 100% VFR.. i can see for maybe 10 miles.. I'm tracking this line of "black".. a thick cloud of something odd.. appears to be about 3 ft high and maybe 15 or so feet wide.. serious here.. riding straight toward it... i had no idea what it was..

YOU WOULD THINK i could have FOR 3 STUPID MINUTES. slowed down.. or BECAUSE I'M SLOW, with obviously NO S.A...maybe duh stopped.. nope rode straight into a queen and the whole state gang of bees.. BLAAMSMACK..

If you've ever seen a swarm with it's queen you get this.. got stung about a dozen times.. but the big thing was the clean up...

 

[pistolpadre]

interesting read above..we were all raised the same way.. i think we turned out ok.. be interesting to see how no discipline and prozac do..

 

[Shotgun Jeremy]

I found out that expired flares out of an airplane survival kit still work...and I've found out twice now that dirt isn't the best at absorbing objects from an angle...like flares and .22 rounds.

 

[pistolpadre]

i set the dept range on fire.. we were using the blooper.. looks like an M-79.. great for placing OC where ever you want it.. one round.. every LEO here will know this one.. it's a bouncer.. looks like an orange with primers sticking out of it.. pretty much what it is..

we used straw bales both on top of the berms, and some stored for use on shoot no shoot lanes.. anyway i gave a little "lecture" about wind drift. cause that happens a LOT.. we'd throw either OC or CS out and let it drift back away from inmates and into staff.. it's uhhh looking for the word here..pathetic.. so after my quick "im a pro watch me" i lobed out a bouncer.. (thought it was just gas).. it bounced into the hay bales.. which were dry.. which caught fire.. I had to call it in.. Sergeant at the time, and for years i was known as the sarg that caught the range on fire..

 

[sonuvaTXgun]

This didn't happen to me but it's still damned hilarious nonetheless.

When my grandpa was still alive, my brothers and I would go over to his house to hang out and watch tv. This one time I remember sitting there and him saying "gimme just a second boys. I'm gonna call your mother and see if she wants to go out to eat with us." He picked up the "phone" and the next thing I saw in the top left of the tv display were the numbers 2742. He tried calling my mom with the tv remote. We gave him hell for the next week or so but he was a good sport about it. This happened more often than not.

Definitely qualifies as one of the funniest moments I enjoyed with the old man.

 

[Vaquero]

Steel patio chair, couple of factory welds let go. I tell myself, "I'll fix that later".
Yep, I'm the guy in swim trunks, flip flops and a welding helmet.

 

[pistolpadre]

FUNNIEST STORY EVER !! this is for real.. pards story above reminds me of it.. maybe some of you older guys remember this.. it REALLY happened..

a bunch of CA guys no idea what their doing, but doing it with beer, lawn chairs and compressed air.. all sitting around drinking beer getting ready for one of the kids birthday party the next day.. they had 1) beer, 2 compressed air, 3) beer 4) ballons 5) beer.. One thing lead to another and as they drank their beer one of them says "wonder how many of these it would take to get the chair to fly.. Not only a real story but pretty well documented, including an interview i saw on TV.. they had tied the lawn chair down by guying it down by the chair legs.. the ol boy in it had a red rider bb gun.. you can't make this stuff up.. that was to shoot the ballons "just in case"..

Guy said he knew they had a problem when after an hours worth of tying ballons, one of the legs ripped off the chair, at which point it broke all the tie downs and was not only air born, but pushing him back in the chair by like 3 G's.. I'm laughing so hard i can't type.. true gospel stuff guys.. My Pop read it to me from the paper and couldn't talk he was laughing so hard.. only in CA.. Please tell me somebody else remembers this..

 

[Vaquero]

FUNNIEST STORY EVER !! this is for real.. pards story above reminds me of it.. maybe some of you older guys remember this.. it REALLY happened..

a bunch of CA guys no idea what their doing, but doing it with beer, lawn chairs and compressed air.. all sitting around drinking beer getting ready for one of the kids birthday party the next day.. they had 1) beer, 2 compressed air, 3) beer 4) ballons 5) beer.. One thing lead to another and as they drank their beer one of them says "wonder how many of these it would take to get the chair to fly.. Not only a real story but pretty well documented, including an interview i saw on TV.. they had tied the lawn chair down by guying it down by the chair legs.. the ol boy in it had a red rider bb gun.. you can't make this stuff up.. that was to shoot the ballons "just in case"..

Guy said he knew they had a problem when after an hours worth of tying ballons, one of the legs ripped off the chair, at which point it broke all the tie downs and was not only air born, but pushing him back in the chair by like 3 G's.. I'm laughing so hard i can't type.. true gospel stuff guys.. My Pop read it to me from the paper and couldn't talk he was laughing so hard.. only in CA.. Please tell me somebody else remembers this..

I remember. Helium in the balloons though.

 

[Ole Cowboy]

I think the guy in the chair got up to nearly 9000 ft before he started popping the balloons or something like that.


I got a Luminox watch one time they were close outs at a store that was closing. After about a year of wear I notice one day it is full of moisture, got no idea how, but laying in the sun does nothing for it. It useless as you cannot see the numbers but it does have a nice diffused glow. I leave in sun, and don't wear it for a month but nothing seems to work...so I put it in the microwave. 10 sec did nothing, 10 more did nothing, so I hit for 5 min and my girlfriend comes to the door..next thing I know the Micro goes BING and moisture gone and watch and band and a heaping mass of melted plastic...

​

 

[pistolpadre]

I remember. Helium in the balloons though.

yep..sorry pard, but sure glad you guys remember this..

 

[pistolpadre]

I think the guy in the chair got up to nearly 9000 ft before he started popping the balloons or something like that.


I got a Luminox watch one time they were close outs at a store that was closing. After about a year of wear I notice one day it is full of moisture, got no idea how, but laying in the sun does nothing for it. It useless as you cannot see the numbers but it does have a nice diffused glow. I leave in sun, and don't wear it for a month but nothing seems to work...so I put it in the microwave. 10 sec did nothing, 10 more did nothing, so I hit for 5 min and my girlfriend comes to the door..next thing I know the Micro goes BING and moisture gone and watch and band and a heaping mass of melted plastic...

WE GOT A WINNER!!!.. between the CA guy shooting his bb gun while climbing faster than an F-16, and the watch story..this is a good day.!

 

[TimberWolf7.62]

I'll play, and I have a lot of stories, but almost all are sexually oriented.

Got yer attention now? :-)


I met a young lady in a nightclub, we talked and danced and drank for a couple hours and then she invited me to her motel room. So we're in her room for a while, and I run out of condoms. "No problem!" I say, and throw on my pants and shirt and light out for the parking lot. I grab a box of Trojans out of my trunk and I am just about to break my arm patting myself on the back.

Damn, I plan and anticipate and I don't have to drive down the street looking for a Stop 'n' Rob and buy condoms, I am prepared! I love me!

Then I turn around and my jaw drops open because this motel is 4 stories tall, 15 or 20 rooms per floor, and I DON'T KNOW WHAT ROOM THE GIRL IS IN!!!

I walked with her. I followed her in. I never looked at the room number.

So I figure she's on the third floor, but now I have to re-create our conversation and walk at the exact same pace to get back to the room. I close my eyes, put a hand on the wall, and try this. I get to the part where she stopped and opened the door, open my eyes, and there's a door one more pace in front of me.

Is it the right one? It's 3:00 am, my shirt is untucked, I'm barefoot, my hair is mussed, I smell like alcohol and sex and maybe some other things, and I'm holding a box of condoms. If it's the wrong room I am gonna get into a fight or get arrested or something.

I take a deep breath and knock. It's the right room!

We laughed about that quite a bit. But the moral of the story is to pay attention to what the girl says - because knowing that can get your ass out of a sling. Or just look at the damned room number.

 

[M. Sage]

Most of my idiotic things are work related. The newest one is trying to kill myself with a Mustang...

Had to do an oil pan gasket on a later Mustang because it was leaking, and to accomplish this you have to suspend the engine and pull the cross member, front brakes and front suspension. Like a moron, I figured I could hold this with one stand. I was wrong. Center of gravity shifted, the stand with the suspension on it fell toward me (whee!) and tried to crush my skull. I put both hands out, stiff-armed it and let it push me out of the way. Wound up with just a sprained or maybe broken finger - don't know which, but it still hurts. Next time, I'm using two stands!

Used to be, when I shot a rifle or shotgun (this was before I shot more tacticool stuff with pistol grips), I'd relax my shooting hand and my thumb would point almost straight out. That was until one day when I pulled the trigger on a Mossberg 835 loaded with a 3 1/2" 00 buck shell. Holy shit, that thing kicked hard! My thumb cracked me across the bridge of my nose, and expected blood. Had snot and tears rolling like I'd been punched in my sizable schnoz. Now I know better and lay my thumb along the spine of the stock.

Hit myself in the nose again not too long ago (happens a lot, now that I think of it). Was removing an ignition lock from an old Mercedes. Not an uncommon task, but this one was jammed with a busted-off piece of screwdriver in it. I got past that and was cutting and prying out the last pieces of the aluminum that holds the pins in place, one didn't want to break off and come out so I put some muscle into it. That tiny piece of aluminum broke free, hit me in the nose hard enough to knock my glasses askew and had me wondering seriously if I'd managed to punch it through and into my nostril. Blood was flowing pretty freely and again with the eyes watering and snot flowing. Punched the car a couple of times for pissing me off and finished the job before I cleaned up the blood and checked out the damage.

 

[ROGER4314]

I've been blessed with guardian angels who watch over me but I've managed to slip out of their grasp a few times. I posted this before but it's still true!

I was riding my Kawasaki Ultra 150 Jet Ski on the San Jacinto River when I saw a huge water bird taking off. I decided to give chase with that super fast Jet Ski. I gained on the bird, got behind him as he struggled for altitude when the shitstorm hit! That bird painted me and the entire Jet Ski with a ton of white, gooey poop! I honestly didn't know that a bird could dump so much shit in one load! I broke off the chase, made it to shore and spent the next hour or so cleaning things (and me) up! That was the last water bird I ever harassed with the Jet Ski!

Flash